Dealing with Negative People

MattHakor

MattHakor

New member
Hmm...so I've been working on sizing down my shirt from the way too large one sizes (XXL's and XL's to the size (L) that I'm actually at now. Hmm..I got mixed responses. Most people went "Oh wow..so awesome dude!" But others (mainly this older heavyset man I know at my synagogue) who perhaps didn't quite understand my current body composition due to the former baggy clothes actually said "Wow...you put on some weight or something?"



Grr...I didn't though! I went down in weight and I even tightened my belt. I know I shouldn't let those type of comments bug me when I know the truth but I don't need obvious put-down commentary. *grumble* How do you handle it?



I don't know if it's jealously that I've actually managed to get myself into much better shape or something but it really irks me. I felt like I had to defend myself and how far I've come during my fitness journey.
 
Originally Posted by MattHakor


Grr...I didn't though! I went down in weight and I even tightened my belt.
Click to expand...



Might need to be careful of that. Tightening your belt might cause your stomach to hang over more (which makes you look like you've put on weight), could also be your new clothes are a little tight on you right now.


Tourny
 
True. Mm well I decided to start getting rid of the bigger clothes so that I couldn't go back. I know that I've for sure gone down in pant size because I tried on smaller jeans and they fit. I shouldn't let it get to me...this one person always has somewhat negative things to say to everybody anyway.
 
You don't say whether your invited comments or not or whether people jsut came up to you and offered a comment. which is it.


Assuming someone just came up to you and told you that you'd put on weightk, well that's pretty rude generally. what you should do then if you are going to be annoyed is say right up front, Hey don't be so damn rude? Keep you comments to yourself.


If you are not that quick then you need to work on your own reaction. Why should it matter to you what this guy thinks. How important is this guy to you. How important is his opinion. Of course you have to admit you are pissed off but the buddhist way to deal with it is to just observe your reaction and do nothing. That means mentally note how you are feeling and don't keep churning it over with thoughts. Observe Observe Observe. The buddhists seem to have a distrust of thought - its true they do get us into lots of trouble and bring us lots of pain. So their way of dealing with them is to develop techniques which minimise thought. Observing your thoughts and reactions is one of the ways. its called mindfulness.


Its a technique that i am learning as i have recently become a buddhist. I find the whole approach very good and very helfpul. But i see you are a religious jew so perhaps you would not be open to this. But the fact is that meditaiton practices and buddhist morality does not conflict with any other religion. I recently went to a retreat where i learnt a special technique to cultivate equanimity. This technique helps you avoid all types of aversion (hatred and negativity) and all types of craving including the craving for food.
 
the fact went you went from and 2XL to a large is absolutely incredible. I am wearing XXL's right now and an XL is to small for me. Id kill to fit in a large again. you should be really proud of yourself. I would be. I would ignore him and his jealousy.
 
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