Crocus 2008

CrocusBlooming

CrocusBlooming

New member
Well, here I go again.

I had 30 pounds of success last year and I hope to do at least that again this year.

I wasn't all that disciplined last year so the overall success, in hindsight, is miraculous! I changed a lot of my habits so it's to that which I will credit the loss.

This year will probably be different in as much as I need to be more disciplined to realize such a loss. Regardless, I'm going to shoot for 50 pounds again. That ought to cover whatever it is I gained over the holidays as well as give me an overall loss in the year.

I'll read more about some of my problem areas and see what I can learn to change so that they aren't such problems.

Oh and then there's that exercise issue...
 
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Jan12

Two things are on my mind today.

First: I’m still very pleased with my impulse buy – the scale. Even though I’m sometimes disappointed by what it registers, it (surprisingly) keeps me motivated. :hurray:

Second: I’m disturbed by my weight fluctuation.

I had hit a plateau last year and stayed there for 4 months. In November, somehow, I pulled away from that plateau to the tune of 6kg, and naturally I was thrilled by the conquest.

Today I weighed myself and the scale registered that I was smack in the middle weight of that plateau from last year. :banghead:

Fair enough that I haven’t weighed myself since before Christmas. I was exceptionally good at Christmas so I can’t imagine that it had an impact. But perhaps I’m being a little too idealistic, fudge is still fudge no matter how small the piece or how few you eat, you’ve still eaten a whole lotta calories and fat.

However, I also know from past experience that my weight can fluctuate by as much as 11 lbs during my period and this leaves me to wonder how much of this is water and how much of it is fat. :piggy:

I’ll need to do some research on water weight to see how seriously I should take my 6kg fluctuations. Still, 6kg seems a bit extreme for water.

My thought for the day is that I really think that sometimes the emotional torture from having eaten something off the program has a more devastating effect on my success than any potential physical effect the food might have on my weight goal.

I still haven’t lifted a finger to exercise. :toetap05: I haven’t a clue what I’m waiting for.

I don’t feel like I’m off to a good start this year and I’m hoping that today I can begin again. I’m not off to a bad start, just not the start I had planned.

Anyway, off I go to be good to myself! :willy_nilly:
 
Amazing

It is absolutely AMAZING the number of excuses I can come up with for not exercising.

I'm astounded... really.

Once upon a time I was hapily at a 6am aerobics class. If I had "happy hour" after work, I'd get up early to run my 7 kilometers before work just to be sure I didn't miss a workout. I remember once telling people I'd be there at 6:30 and I went home, ran, showered, and went to the happy hour... totally normal (or obsessive), regardless, very motivated and active.

What happened to that extremely active woman I once was? Where did she go?

I've been talking about this a lot lately. I guess all I can hope is that all this talk will eventually lead to action. And I hope it does!
 
I remember

I wanted to get this in writing while I have it in mind. I just remembered this:

The very first time I wanted to loose some weight in my life I was about 23. It was the first time I remember having to actively do something to loose the weight. I was wavering between a 10 and a 12.

Those were the days!

I remember how I started out. My eating wasn't the big problem, my sedentary work was. I started walk/jogging e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y just to get myself going. It wasn't much and I didn't feel very accomplished when I did it. But I knew, from my previous sports training, that if I keep doing this, my endurance will get to a level where I feel like I'm doing something... so I kept on.

When my body started to respond, I remember it being really quick, but I know it wasn't. The first time I tried to run 3x around the park (1.7 mile track) I was really at my limit. I could do 2x around and get home with energy to spare, but that 3rd time around was challenging.

When I started easily doing the 3x around, at an enviable pace, I felt empowered. It was the endorphines of course but there really is no substitute for feeling invincible for 45 minutes everyday.

I ran nearly everyday. I got down to a small size 5 and I was in amazing shape. I did some fun-runs and compared myself to other runners. I wasn't as fast as them so I felt small. I could run long but not fast. I decided I didn't care about running fast and stopped doing the fun runs.

I barely remember my mentality at this time in my life. I wonder what actually kept me going. Did I have so much will power, or was it the energy of being young that allowed me to endure?

Right now, I want to believe it was only my will. I want to believe that if I can convince myself that it's important, it will happen.

I don't want to be a size 5 - well, actually I would like that but it's unreasonable... I do want to be thinner than I am now. My comfort weight is a size 12, anything less makes me feel strange, or had made me feel strange in the past. But now, it's not all about my size, it's equally about health.

Is it healthy for someone, of my size, with high blood pressure, to try to achieve something like running 5-7km at a time... Never mind, it's a distant dream. How long would it take to get into that condition?! Forever I expect.

I don't mean - never mind I won't even try it - I just mean it's not worth thinking about right now... I should try to get out of the house and walk around the block for starters!!

That woman I was in my 20s seems like a stranger. I wonder if she still exists and can I tap into her will and use it to achieve my goals?

I hope so!! Just try to stop me from trying to tap her!
 
hi and welcome!

Its so hard to make excuses BELIEVE ME! LOL
But once you get up and do it there is just the self confidence and a feeling of proudness in yourself you get that makes you keep going!

I have never been a motivated person, Im just plain lazy when it comes to doing anything for myself at all. If I can do it anyone can! ;)

Have you got any plans on foods ect?
 
Reply

OneLazyMamma said:
hi and welcome!

Its so hard to make excuses BELIEVE ME! LOL
But once you get up and do it there is just the self confidence and a feeling of proudness in yourself you get that makes you keep going!

I have never been a motivated person, Im just plain lazy when it comes to doing anything for myself at all. If I can do it anyone can! ;)

Have you got any plans on foods ect?
Click to expand...

Thanks for the input on excuses! LOL

I lost 30 lbs last year, so I figure I'll do more of the same food plan this year, but less chocolate perhaps. I was far from perfect last year but the overall changes I made were effective. It's not a "plan" per se, just choosing the apple instead of the twix, that sort of thing... tomato soup instead of a pizza roll... you get the picture?

I miiiight exercise this weekend. :ack2:
 
Jan18

Weighed in today, lost again. Yippie! Still not down to my pre-Christmas weight, but close two it. I haven't yet looked up that stuff about water weight/fluctuation.

I haven't done anything special to loose weight yet this year but my eating here is so different than what I scarf down when I'm visiting my family at Christmas that certainly anyone would gain there and loose here.

Again, with the loss, I'm left to wonder how much I would have lost had I been better with my eating. I've been absolutely HORRID since I returned.

I had brought back some cookies from the US that I made, and when those ran out, I went to the store and bought some more cookies because I shouldn't have to be without cookies! And then there was the weekend of french fries... baked mind you, but with ranch dressing as a dip... HORRID!! :ack2: I could go on but it might make me cry.

Lest I forget, I also brought back some tequila and well... I've had a few nips off that as well. H-O-R-R-I-D!! :ack2:

Okay well... at least I'm conscious of my horrid-ness and can at least take some solace in the fact that my horrid-ness here is less than my horrid-ness in the US, as a result a little weight loss... a little... could have been more I suspect. :chillpill:

I wonder when I'll heed this lesson. :iamwithstupid:

When I first joined this site last year I remember reading all the failure blogs and I made my mind up that I didn't want to be one of those. I wanted to "at least" not gain weight. After losing 30lbs last year - I write it over and over again to remind myself that I AM successful - I'm glad to have not fallen victim to having to blog about constant failure and needing to begin again.

IF you're not losing weight then you're cheating - period. Or you have a thyroid problem... unlikely as that is, you're probably cheating and won't admit it to yourself.

I admit I cheat ... I used to be a professional cheater, now it's just a hobby. And now that it's just a hobby, I lose weight.

I would like to have more success than I did last year. It's only the 18th of the month, and weight-goal-wise, it feels like I've been emotionally invested in this year for months already. I lost 4 kg since I got hom... so 4 kg in 15 days, that's a lot and unlikely to be just fat.

I use that Weight Loss Table here to charg my overall weight, but I can't decide if I want to count my loss here from my post christmas weight or if I want to wait until I get back down to my pre-christmas weight.

Bugger it, I'll start from the post-christmas weight, even though it'S the same weight I lost last year, I'm losing it again.

I hate recycling fat, it's de-motivaing. So once again, this year my goal is to be a loser not a gainer... but this year, I want to heed the lesson:

being better is good, but being good is better :willy_nilly:
 
Massive Weight Fluctuations Explained!

I feel soooo much better after reading this article! I wondered how I could fluctuate up to 4kg (5lbs) a day! Now I see it's totally normal I will chill out about it!

Here's the easy to understand article:


Here's the technical article:



:party:
 
CrocusBlooming said:
I’m still very pleased with my impulse buy – the scale. Even though I’m sometimes disappointed by what it registers, it (surprisingly) keeps me motivated.
Click to expand...

How funny is that?? I used to hate my scale, but now my favorite part of the day is taking a leak, stripping down and stepping on the scale. Even though it hasn't moved in three weeks. It used to so I guess it's like Pavlov's dogs where I still drool at the sound of the bell even when nothing yummy shows up.
:drool5:
 
Riotgrrl said:
How funny is that?? I used to hate my scale, but now my favorite part of the day is taking a leak, stripping down and stepping on the scale. Even though it hasn't moved in three weeks. It used to so I guess it's like Pavlov's dogs where I still drool at the sound of the bell even when nothing yummy shows up.
:drool5:
Click to expand...

H-i-l-l-a-r-i-o-u-s!!

And I totally relate!
 
Jan19

I'm so glad I read those articles about water gain. It's a huge load off my shoulders when I step on the scale and see SUCH a gain instead of getting angry I'm totally cool man. :chillpill:

So I was up today... so what?! It's water dammit! Relax, take a walk, nothing to freak out about chica! No crisis, no chaos, just a 100% normal fluctuation.

So this begs the question... when the fluctuation is soooo, soooo, soooo much, like mine, what the heck IS my weight then?!!

:confused:

Excuse of the day: :toetap05:
I have to work ON A SATURDAY, so I can't possibly find time to exercise today. Surely I'll be too tired. Oh! And I have to meet a friend for coffee at 4. Well actually, it's a hoity toity social thing that my friend is dragging me to and it could be hours before I escape. And it's in the city so I'll probably have to do some window shopping and of course when I get home I'll be e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d! But then I'll have to haul my tired budisky to the market and get some cat food and some clementines for me and some milk! I can't forget the milk! Then I know I'll be totally battered down and simply unable to lift a finger. And I should vacuum... oh NO!!! and the laundry! I have TONS of laundry that needs doing - I really do - actually it's true.

(I'm logging my excuses so that I can look back on them frequently and note how STUPID they actually are and it will shame me into getting busy with some exercise.) :blush5:
 
Jan21

I almost exercised yesterday!!! I was nearly there...and then I didn't do it. It was Sunday and it's a "day of rest"!


Excuse of the day: :toetap05:
It's raining and I'm cold. And my hair is wet and I have to leave for work in half an hour so I don't have time. And my feet hurt a little bid.



(I'm logging my excuses so that I can look back on them frequently and note how STUPID they actually are and it will shame me into getting busy with some exercise.) :blush5:​
 
Almost only counts in horseshoes :)

Excuses to not do something are way too easy to come by.. .look for reasons why you can do something instead :D
 
Jan23

This year is meant to be about portion control.

I'm behaving like a rebellious teen who, when told they aren't allowed to do something, over indulges in the very activity from which they were banned.

I don't have a significant problem with portion control, or I didn't have until I decided it was something I wanted to monitor more closely.

Seriously, I only wanted to pay more attention. I know there are times that I have too much, and I simply wanted to be more aware of those times.

I'm not all doom and gloom. Far from it, nevertheless, I'm irritated with myself. How many ...ugh... I'm sure a shrink would know exactly what is going on in my head with this behavior... if anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it.

It's as if I think, for example... if I have a piece of chocolate, like one of those Merci sticks...I have one of those, it's small and yummy, it's enough, then I think - I can handle having a box of them in the house... so I buy a box, then I have one... and then I think - well, I'll eat all of them eventually, so I may as well eat them all now - what's the difference if I eat them once a day or all of them now once a week... that is the typical cycle. Funny that I don't behave like that with apples. :biggrinjester:

It's nuts, I know... I am the destroyer. I don't fix things that are broken, I destroy them completely and then build them from the ground up... but that behavior won't reach my goals with this one...

I don't "feel" like I'm off to a good start this year. But this extends to other aspects of my life as well so it's not specific to my weight goals.

Sometimes I feel, this isn't right, and that isn't right, therefore, nothing can be right... and I make sure everything is wrong. If I saw that in someone else I would think they were irrational. :blush5: I don't like that about me.

It's only the 23rd, so it's not as if it's a catastrophe that things are not where I think they should be and I need to ease up on myself and just relax, there's time to change, to reverse any damage, to clear out the bad stuff and get on with the good stuff. :chillpill:

I did so good last year... c'mon Crocie, all is not lost... just get on with it. Your body is the only thing in life you can control... cease that opportunity!

Excuse of the day: :toetap05:
I have a headache. I have to see a customer who I don't like and I'm in a bad mood about it. I need to schedule some appointments and it's all confuddled because my schedule is so erratic and complicated - but it's not really, but it seems to be. And I still need to vacuum.

I log my excuses to reflect on them and note how STUPID they are and hopefully it will shame me into doing some exercise. :blush5:
 
Jan27

So after this weekend I think all the mandatory parties are gone and I can take my weight goals more seriously.

It's cool that I'm so motivated that I was actually irked at the thought of "I have to go to this party and it'll distrub my weightloss plan"!! :coolgleamA: Which it did, but it's only once a year and it wasn't a huge crime, just a necessary small one.

Portion Control

I need a mantra of portion control. I think I wrote earlier but this is recurring - I didn't have a big problem, I simply wanted to take active control of it and now that I am paying attention, I'm out of control.

How many shrimp puff thingies do I really need? How HUGE of a slop of potatos was necssary afterall? I'm really ashamed... It's not only bad foods where I've heaped my plate full, it's the good stuff too. And it's not everytime, it's really sporadic. Like I said, a shrink would probably know exactly what's going on, I however, do not.

Maybe it's better I don't pay attention to it, because it seems that when I do pay attention I go overboard. My portion control wasn't a "problem" and you know what they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Exercise

I feel like I'm on the verge. My feet have improved tremendously with the new foot soak recommended from the skin doc and I can walk comfortably - well, the skin problem isn't the inhibitor anymore, now it's isolated to the nerves, which I can usually ignore for a walk - I'm happy to soak my feet once a day if it means my skin stays in good condition. It's nice to be able to walk at a decent pace, it feels like I've been hobbling about forever and I daren't attempt to recollect just how long I have been hobbling. Last night on the way to the train I actually felt that euphoria of invinicibility I get when I used to run...Man! That felt fantastic!:coolgleamA: And I did think, I could do this everyday... so finally, physically in a place to DO something that gets my heart pumping a bit. yeah!

So my goal is to walk to the gym at least 3 times a week. Naturally, I plan to walk more often than that - I DO walk more often than that, but I want to do some walking which is specifically for enjoying the walk and not the practical to-and-from the train.

GYM

I haven't actually joined the gym (yet), I want to be sure that I'll actually go there on a regular basis before I commit my money. If I can establish a routine of walking there, then I know going in won't be a problem. I need to walk anyway so this meets both objectives.

Establishing the routine is the most important thing I think. I've spent tons of money on memberships in the past, only to be stuck in a contract and never go there. There are 4 gyms within 20 minutes walk and I'm sure I'll give all of them a try before I decide, even though I'm almost sure which one I'll choose... it's also the farthest one with nothing "on the way" to make it a practical journy, I would only be going that way when I go to the gym.

When I was in my early 20's I was a total gym rat and clocked a lot of hours there, both before and after work, but then I had a killer body too - now it's embarassing to go to the gym. Isn't that a horrid situation? When you look good, going to the gym is easy, and when you're out of shape and could benefit from some gym time, I don't want to be seen there. lol... hideous!

Ah well, thankfully, or eh...whatever, my pride has taken a back seat to my health and I would go no matter how embarassed I felt.

Clutter

They say your environment is an extension of how you are feeling. So my world is a clutter and just being here is stressful. I'm terribly organized but nothing is in the right place at the moment. I need to straighten up so I can see what I'm missing. Hopefully this will aid in getting my mind clear as well... and then the body will inevitably follow. Well... this is what I'm telling myself anyway.


Excuse of the day: :toetap05:
Hangover, lack of sleep, work stuff to do, it's too cold.

I log my excuses to reflect on them and note how STUPID they are and hopefully it will shame me into doing some exercise. :blush5:
 
Jan29

It's only been 29 days and I still feel as though I'm hovering. That's not vacuuming. I'm hovering around that terrible 117-119 again.

I was so proud of my pre-Christmas weight.

I was stoked because it was painfully close to one of my goals, which was even closer to one of my other goals.

Dammit.

So all the party foods are gone, all the wine is drunk, and my house is back to the way it was before Christmas and free of temptation.

I have no idea how those mom's do it... The whole family would have to eat well if it were my family.

I feel resolved to get back to where I was 35 days ago, and then move on to the first goal, then to the second which isn't far behind the first and I'll be sooooooo elated, anyone reading this will be sick to death of me... and I can hardly wait for that!! :coolgleamA:

Tomorrow is my birthday, so there is one more piece of cake I must eat, but really... after that, I'm so totally THERE! or here...

Excuse of the day: :toetap05:
Too cold, too tired

I log my excuses to reflect on them and note how STUPID they are and hopefully it will shame me into doing some exercise. :blush5:
 
Feb03

I'm annoyed.

I lost a good amount of weight last year and in December I was at my all time low - since beginning this weight loss thing. In 30 days time I've nearly gained 8 kg.

I'm annoyed.

The ONE thing I didn't want to have to do is to re-loose weigt that I had already lost once. Whenever I see that on other blogs I think - what a waste of time and I simply didn't want to be one of those.

My weightloss year isn't off to a good start I'm afraid. I'm not demotivated.

I'm annoyed.

I should say, the SCALE says I've gained 8kg. I can't imagine how, I haven't been a cow, or even a pig... nevermind how, I'll just have to step up my efforts.

Excuse of the day: :toetap05:
I don't have an excuse today, good or bad.

I log my excuses to reflect on them and note how STUPID they are and hopefully it will shame me into doing some exercise. :blush5:
 
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