Couples Syndrome

Stacy

Stacy

New member
Most of us know what this is, even if we haven't heard it put quite like that - it's the Couples Syndrome. We get comfortable in a relationship and we put on weight. This topic has been brought up a lot on another weight loss forum I watch and I thought I'd bring it up here. When we get into a comfortable relationship all the little things add up - the extra dining out, the nights cuddled up on the couch watching movies, the desire to satisfy your partner by eating what he/she enjoys instead of what you know is healthier for you, and then add to that the lessening drive to lose weight (or stay in shape) because you've already "caught your fish". What you have is a recipe for growing bellies accompanying your growing love.

This happens to so many people and it's a hard trap to avoid. My two cents? I think the key is to be in a relationship with someone who cares about their body and who wants both of you to live long healthy lives. My boyfriend and I met at my highest weight (I was nearly 400 lbs) while he was 170 lbs. He's always been supper supportive of me so about two years into our relationship when I told him I wanted to lose weight he was great by being ok with us eating healthier and being more physically active with me. We take long walks several times a week and playing Wii Fit together.

He wasn't that happy at first about us not eating as much meat, but he has found that the healthy diet has brought his energy level to an all time high and is now totally gung-ho about us eating healthy! It's been less than 4 months since starting our new healthy lifestyle and since then, with his support, I've lost almost 40 lbs. with no sign of stopping or even slowing down until I reach my goal of 140 lbs (or less, depending on how I feel once I reach goal weight). He's also dropped a little bit of weight (even though he was in great shape to begin with) and we both feel better than we have in years.

The bottom line is if you are with someone who is holding you back when it comes to getting healthier sit down and talk to them about how important it is for you to obtain a healthy lifestyle. If they love you they will care enough about your health to be supportive. If they aren't on board it's going to be a real struggle. Just don't let them stop you. In the end it's your life and your body and your gift to yourself to get healthy so you can live longer and be happier.

Have you ever fallen into the Couples Syndrome? Have any pearls of wisdom to share on how to avoid this trap?
 
I know exactly what you're talking about. I have been with my boyfriend for two years now and we live together. When I first met him I was pretty much at the weight I wanted to be. After a few months the pounds starting growing and I gained about 40 pounds over the year. A few months ago we started getting back on track. I think the most important thing is communication and living as an example. I notice when I'm putting off my healthy lifestyle so does he and vice versa. Having a partner can be great but it can also be like having a partner in crime. I will say, I'm almost thankful for the poundage :p because after I realized I needed to live healthier, I started doing research (like finding this amazing forum). I know more now about nutrition than I did when I was thinner and single. I'm glad to see other couples making a lifestyle change! go you!:cheers2:
 
Stacy said:

Have you ever fallen into the Couples Syndrome? Have any pearls of wisdom to share on how to avoid this trap?
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Yeah...date a gay guy. I've neeeeever seen a gay guy that's willing to be seen with a fat lump of crap. So, just hook up with a gay dude - he'll be sure to keep you in check.

No, but seriously...if you ever get to the point where you realize that you've "let yourself go", so to speak, the only thing that's going to help is to sit down with your partner and talk to them about it. People get fat for many different reasons. It's not as simple as "You got fat because you ate too much, Fatty McBaconface". There are emotions invol...Fatty McBaconface? SIGH, I'm so stupid.

ANYWAY, the point is...you just need to sit down and talk to your partner about it. Talk about WHY you've gained weight and get to the root of the problem. And, when you find out why you've allowed yourselves to gain weight, then work on it...together.

If you don't do it together, you won't do it at all. And, seriously...think about the gay dude, ok? ;)
 
It's definitely so much easier when the whole family are happy about the change in the way we eat. My husband was never very supportive about it before as he never took me seriously, probably because I never took it seriously enough myself. I think that this time because my daughter put on weight and was so upset he started to realize that as a family we needed to do something about it.
The result is that he has lost 12 kgs. He started to lose weight because of the food served at home and then decided to eat better at work as well. My daughter has lost 10kgs and could do with losing 5 or 6 more but struggles in the summer because of her hectic social life. In the winter when things calm down she will probably be able to lose the rest. I just know that at home I will never go back to cooking the way I used to so if either of them put weight back on then it is completely down to them.
 
I'm so glad your family is in it with you! That makes things so much easier and the experience more pleasant. :) Congratulations on your family getting healthy with you! That's wonderful!
 
I did start gaining weight because of my boyfriend when we met six months ago. Thankfully I caught it before I gained too much. While he won't eat the same foods I am to lose weight (he doesn't like most of them, and hes kinda losing weight on his own by not eating as much anyways) he is willing to go on walks with me, and do some physical things like going to concerts and the zoo and such. He even told me that he would support what ever I did as long as it made sure i didn't "balloon up" (shallow comment from him, but that's just part of who he is lol)
 
Yeah... one of the reasons I got fat in the first place was because of being "comfortable" in a relationship. Dining every other night, junk food late at night, baking, little to no exercise, was not really a personal choice.

I made a mental note that when I am ready to be in a relationship again it will not be with someone who is not physically active and at least eats a decent amount. I also don't want someone that is constantly making sweets as I really don't care much for them or even think about them anymore, but I'm sure if they were in my presence all the time that I would go back to eating them!!!!

It's really great that the guy you are with is so supportive and is actually making your weight loss a lot easier.
 
For me it has been the other way around. Being in a relationship motivates me to look hot for the other person to keep them around. Though hopefully now I can kick the bad eating habits for good regardless of whether there is a man I want to attract.
 
The only time i've gained weight in a relationship is when it was a very BAD relationship, and in my current relationship I gained a weight while I was injured and couldn't work.

I don't believe in dating people who encourage your vices. I want to be with someone who challenges me to be better, not someone who lets me think I can get away with eating a whole box of gushers because they don't care either way lol. I also don't believe in letting yourself go just because you're with someone. That person falls in love with you for who you are then, not for how lazy you'll be later once you already have them, its like false advertising lol.
 
Your boy/girlfriend has got to know how important it is to you that you lose weight, that it's not easy for you (well, I know it isn't for me!) and what your targets are if you have specific targets. I never talked to a guy I was with before about dieting because stupid as it sounds, I just didn't really want to acknowledge how fat I am in front of him, as if he couldn't already see that! I must've been stupid to not have realised that not wanting to tell him how much I wanted to lose weight would mean that I wasn't going to.
 
omg totally know what this means!


most activities in my relationship has to do with eating out and snacking.. mostly unhealthy foods which is terrible. she is also chubby and we are struggling with the same issues but I am currently determined in making changes.
I believe that it takes more effort to say ''no'' to your partner and eat healthier but sometimes it isn't that easy. but glad you brought this up because I believe it happens more than we realize.
 
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