Commitment to change

E

EJane

New member
Hi Everyone,

I've been toying with the idea of creating a diary for a while for some support/accountability and I finally decided to commit to as nothing else seems to help.

I'm 21 years old and a healthcare student at university. I have had issues with my confidence and body image since as far back as high school/college when I was a size 10 aged 18. Since then my weight has crept up from 140lbs to 205lbs which I was aware of but have never managed to lose/maintain. Recently I have noticed the weight is showing in my face and on my arms and sides and I have terrible stretch marks.

I fluctuate between behaving properly and eating healthily for weeks to eating complete rubbish and binge eating and feeling guilty and because of this I've been stuck in a negative cycle.

My kick to really try to change things for good came recently when in my healthcare role someone with the same BMI as me asked about gastric banding surgery. I want to do this without the knowledge of family and friends at least in the short term as I feel like they wait for me to make small mistakes which sends me into another spiral, I know this is more than likely just trying to pass the guilt but it is something I need to deal with without them.

Sorry for such a long background, I just feel like a shadow of my former self and I would love to make a change and commit to maintaining it so that I don't have to spend the rest of my 20's miserable and self-conscious so this is it.

Any suggestions on how to make a start would be much appreciated. Thanks for the support.
 
Hi Ejane & welcome to the forum. Tackling your lack of self-esteem I think would be the best start & your associations with food.
EJane said:
I fluctuate between behaving properly and eating healthily for weeks to eating complete rubbish and binge eating and feeling guilty and because of this I've been stuck in a negative cycle.
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The fact that you said "behaving properly & eating healthily" makes me think you have strong associations of food either being good or bad. Food should be the fuel to nourish & nurture our bodies. It should not be a reward or a self-punishment. Food is your medicine. It should nourish & nurture your body.
I think you should work on building your self-esteem. You will be doing this for yourself. It does not matter what others think, but it sure matters what you think about yourself.
Have a bit of a look at a thread I started years ago in this forum. The link is http://weight-loss.fitness.com/threads/motivational-sayings-and-or-affirmations.33533/ Some may seem corny, but they may also help you on a bad day.
There are so many diets out there & so many differing opinions. A "diet" of fresh vegetables, fresh fruit & lean protein, with some whole grains& drinking water, instead of artificial sweet drinks, combined with some exercise should start shifting the scales in the right direction. There is so much info on the forum re exercises etc. Start off slowly, make small changes for the better each day & you will be well on the way.
Cheers, Cate
 
Thankyou for your advice, I definitely think I need to improve my self-esteem so I'll look at the link and see if that helps. I tend to hold onto a lot of guilt over things particularly about my eating and health which feeds the negative cycle I am in, I did try meditation but found I wasn't able to let go completely and during bad patches the doubts and guilt creep back in. My first steps are to drink more water, cut out snacks and walk as much as possible which I think is a good starting point for the next 1-2 weeks after which I'm going to try and make another positive change for the next 2 weeks and see how I get on.

Thanks for your help :)
 
Hi ejane.
EJane said:
I definitely think I need to improve my self-esteem
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I think so too honey. Almost everything in life becomes more enjoyable when you feel good about yourself.
When I lost 36kg back in 2007 I found I still felt the same way about myself & asked my doctor for a referral for counselling. I was lucky to get it without any cost to me. I was also lucky to see someone who I could feel comfortable with & who helped me to focus on my good points & the good aspects in my life. I think I only had 4 sessions & she told me asked me if I needed to see her again & I didn't.
Every time I find myself thinking any negative thoughts about myself I make myself stop. I have a very healthy diet & I do some exercise every day. I get outside in the fresh air. Write down a list of all your good points. If you have trouble doing that think what your closest friends would say about you or someone who loves you. Learning to love yourself is a vital step in learning how to get to a healthy weight & to keep it off.
If you try on your own & it does not work see if you can get some counselling. Keep posting & share any thoughts you want. We're here to support you, xo Cate
 
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