chubfree's diary

[chubfree]

Hi everyone,

My name is Chloe; I’m 23, 5ft 3 and (1/2) and currently weight 165lbs. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and can’t remember a time when I have not been on a diet. I sick of being fat I feel like it is ruining what is suppose to be the best years of my life because I have no confidence and am sick of being the fattest person at a party or in lectures etc.

I have been successful with weight loss in the past, but I always seem to sabotage myself, I’ll get down to 130lbs and ill think I’ve only got like 10lbs left to lose ill have some chocolate and I turns into a month long of eating crap and I’ll be back up to 140lb and be feeling miserable about myself and continue on the cycle of going up and down and constantly yo-yoing.

I’m pretty sure I eat my feelings which is stupid because if I could control what I eat and get down to a weight I feel comfortable at, I know I would not be so miserable and would not be an emotional eater errrrrrrr. Despite knowing this I just don’t seem to be able to do it. Well this stops now!!! I am going to get control of my life. first I’m going to make sure I exercise every day even if it’s just walking my dog for longer, second I’m going to be completely honest with myself about what I eat keeping a diary every day. I’m also only going to weight myself once a day (instead of every time I go to the toilet, have a shower etc). I really want to join a gym but I am to self conscious that people will be judging thinking look at the fatty, there is a gym at my uni that I will join once I have lost the which is $50 a year for membership but there is no way I would join now as everyone there is fit and thin, anyway sorry for ranting on.

Day 1

Breakfast

Chicken and veggie soup 250 cal
With 1 slice of thick whole meal bead with bits in it 120cal
(I know weird breakfast but it the first day of proper winter here and I had to go to uni in the freezing cold and poring raining and did want to eat cold cereal for breakfast)

Lunch

1/2 portion of oven baked chips 200cals
Snack
Toast with light margarine 120cals

Dinner

Baked mackerel 231cals
Salad with lettuce, tomatoes, beetroot and onion (no dressing) 120cals

Drinks

1 skinny latte 50cals

Total 1091 calories

p.s i know my diet hasent been the best today but i hadn’t decided to fully commit before a i ate the chips.

 

[fortyfour]

Hi chloe. You've got to start somewhere and you can finetune as you go along.

You don't like porridge i take it? I have started eating it without sugar and its not bad you know. Because i have quit sugar. On my raw oats i put an apple for sweetness. Its really good but then i have full cream milk. Grilled tomatos on toast is a yummie warm breakfast that's low in calories and nutritious. Especially if you put dried herbs on them. I"ve given up butter but if i felt the need, i'd try olive oil. just a scrape. I even think frying them is not that evil.

I know what you are saying about the month long binges. I don't know why we do that. I think its hormonal. Or something like that. My strategy with those from now on is, when they happen, just try to get back into the program as soon as possible. I think that if you accept they might happen, then it might be easier to switch back.

About feeling self conscious in the gym. I bet most people feel that way when they start but really i don't think people worry too much about what others look like. I have been in a similar situation when i started training for triathlon some years ago. I was flabby and joined a running group. I was pretty pathetic but i was determined not to care because my goal was fitness and weight loss. And being part of that group was really motivating. We would meet up once a week to go running together. By the time i did the first race, i shocked everyone how well i did. Unfortunately sometime not long after that i injured my knee and had to quit. But it was a really good experience. I tell you i was such a dag that i wore a skirt to run in because shorts just look hideous on me. And anyway i didn't really own any. lol.

Try to keep the bigger picture in mind. That's what i am trying to say. Going along to the gym as you are and learning to cope with the feelings can only make you stronger emotionally. Don't expect people to become your friends and then you won't feel hurt if they don't take you like a duck to water.

 

[Sunflower2]

Welcome to the forum Your calories are a little low hun--you need to eat at least 1200 otherwise it's unhealthy. Just wanted to say good luck xx