Breaking the Cycle

E

emmaos027

New member
Hi everyone.

I posted on here ages ago, I can't even remember my user name at this stage. Sadly, at that time, I was probably still a healthy weight, but had convinced myself I was huge because I was heavier than I was used to. Fast forward 7 years, I'm 27, and definitely not a healthy weight anymore. I am dangerously close to 14 stone, which is so upsetting. I guess losing 2 stone would mean I'd be back to looking okay again, 4 to look fabulous. It doesn't sound too bad - 2 stone - nothing compared to what some people have to lose. But this two stone has such magnitude in my life - it carries such power. And I don't want to give it that power anymore. So I've decided that something needs to change. My attitude needs to change.

It's got to the stage where I hate the idea of anyone looking at me. I have a family event next weekend and I am literally having heart palpitations over it. It's my idea of hell. Not that my family would be mean to me or say I looked terrible, but I'm at the stage that one remark would turn me into a crumbling wreck.

So, I'm going to have to take back control, get moving and get eating right. Today is a write off because I am hungover, so I guess it's tomorrow where the magic will start to happen.
 
Welcome back! And today doesn't necessarily have to be a write off. Even if you aren't feeling well enough to exercise, get plenty of water and make good food choices and I'd say it's a success. :]
 
Thanks Cory. I am absolutely starving today and craving salt like mad, so I already had chips and a pasta and chicken salad. I feel a lot better already. I don't have the energy to do much today except finish watching The Sting, but I am planning on getting up before work and going for a walk. I live in a lovely seaside town, so it's perfect for walks at any time. That's partly why I moved here.
 
Welcome back emma. I agree with above, drink water and make healthy choices and it will be a start! I can relate on the whole not wanting people to look at you. It is anxiety inducing for me to even go anywhere anymore. Hang in there and stick to it!
 
Thanks Emmy, I had some bladder and kidney tea earlier which sort of tasted like pee, but I'm really trying to clear my system out. I'm going to fill up a glass of water this second.
 
Hi Sunflower. Well, I have monkfish for dinner and planning on porridge for breakfast. I always feel great when I start my day out like that, and I add a little manuka honey for extra benefits. My downfall is always work, we get a free lunch, but there's too much on offer, and it's definitely led me down this path of overeating. And vending machines should be banned, in my opinion.

By the way, I'm reading your diary, so entertaining, you're a great writer.
 
Well, today is the day I got going. I weighed in this morning at 13 stone 13 1/2 pounds, so just shy of 14, thank God. I went for a 50 minute walk before work, it was really beautiful out, and that set me up nicely for the day.

For breakfast, I had porridge with milk and manuka honey. Yum.

For lunch, I had a baked potato with grated carrot, cheese, coleslaw, mixed leaves, cucumber and tomato. I had a raspberry yoghurt and drank 2 cups of coffee, 2 cups of tea, mint tea and green tea over the course of the day.

For dinner, I had monkfish and a salad. I then ate two slices of the chocolate cake I bought yesterday.

Tomorrow, I'm planning on doing my walk again in the morning, then hitting the gym after work and going to Zumba and doing a leisurely swim.

Foodwise, I'm thinking scrambled eggs for breakfast and a noodle salad for dinner.

Overall, I'm really happy with today. I've felt calmer than I have in ages.

My mum said a good tool is to write 3 good things that happened every day, so you can look back at the end of the month and remember all the good times. Today's 3 things:

1. When I went for my walk this morning, all these people were saying hello to me. It was as if the universe was giving me a sign that I'm doing well and on the right path.
2. I had a really funny meeting this morning - a lot of laughs.
3. I had an enjoyable lunchtime conversation.

Till tomorrow...
 
I'm so glad you enjoyed your walk this morning. :]

I also hope you'll enjoy zumba. I was a bit nervous about being in a class with other people and surrounded by mirrors, but soon got over it and fell in love with the class.
 
I started to not want to go do simple things like go to the shops in case someone I knew saw me. I have alot of anxiety when I think about people seeing me, but Im working on it :) Zumba is awesome!! I have the dvd's so I do it at home, which for me personally I find better as I can really let myself go, but in a class filled with strangers I wouldnt push myself as hard. Good luck :)
 
Hi Cory and Elle, thanks for the comments.

Yeah, psyched up for tonight, and it's also good that it means I'm rushing around a little bit, so I don't have to THINK, you know?

I've decided to go to this family thing and enjoy it. I mean, that's what life is all about, right? Plus, I know it would make my mum so happy if I was there.
 
I'm glad you're going to the family thing--I'm sure you will enjoy it. Life is too short to hold yourself back. And think, this time in 6 months you'll look a lot different!!
 
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