boyfriend isnt being supportive

A

afairbanks04

New member
Hey guys!
Im new to this forum so let me introduce myself =) My name is Alicia and I am 24 years old. My entire life I have had body image issues. Even in h.s. I thought I was fat but now looking back at the pics, I was actually really skinny. Now im getting to the point where I am actually becoming visibly overweight. Most of the time I feel pretty good about the way I look although when I look at myself in pics I cant stand the way my body looks. I weigh 205lbs and am 5'7".
On to my boyfriend issues haha. I met my bf when I weighed 180lbs and was a size 12. I always carried my weight really well so I looked like I weighed around 160 or so. This is what id like to get back to. Its been two years that ive dated him and ive gained 25lbs. Im now a 14. He loves thick and curvy girls and tells me everyday how beautiful and sexy I am which is great. But any time I talk about exercising or eating healthier he gives me crap. I cant take it anymore!!! Every time I talk about me gaining weight or anything about exercising its always a discussion and me explaining to him why I want to do these things. Im sick of explaining the same things to him ov er and over again. Its soooo annoying. What does he care anyways. And why isnt he being supportive!? He acts like he is some "thick girl activist" or something haha he is always rooting for bigger girls and cant stand skinny girls. I love him and its great that he loves all my curves but shouldn't he love me whatever my body looks like? No matter what i weight ill always be thick and curvy, thats just how im built. I mean its not like the things I want to do are bad, so why is he giving me such a hard time? I need help. I dont know what to say/do to make him understand and be more supportive. He thinks that no matter how much I lose, I still wont b satisfied. I need advice chickas!!! =) Thank you in advance!
 
No need to discuss it with him. Just do it.
 
We come into this world with nothing but ourselves and our body and we leave exactly the same way!

At no point does anyone else get to own you or your body.

It's yours and you may do whatever you want with it - be fat, be skinny, be athletic, tattoo it, pierce it, etc, etc!!!!

It's your body, you own it, he may have an opinion but that's all it is, his opinion.

You do with your body what you feel is right for you.

On this subject, tell him he needs to stay on his side of the line.
 
If you stress you are doing it for your health he may be more supportive instead of just thinking you want to look better. Make sure you talk about the all the risks associated with being overweight and how being smaller you are better able to take care of yourself and him. Tell him you want to be in this world for a long time and by him discouraging you it won't help - pull on the heart strings. If he doesn't become supportive then obviously he doesn't care about your health and that gives you something else to think about.
 
afairbanks04 said:
Every time I talk about me gaining weight or anything about exercising its always a discussion and me explaining to him why I want to do these things. Im sick of explaining the same things to him ov er and over again. Its soooo annoying.
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So, stop explaining things to him. Harold already hit the nail on the head - stop talking about it and just do it.

There's no need to talk to your boyfriend about why you want to lose weight and there's certainly no need for you to make him understand. He likes curvy girls, which you are already well aware of, so why bother getting his opinion or hope for his understanding? You already KNOW what his answer/response is going to be, so why bother wasting your time with trying to get him to change his mindset?

And, let me just throw out some insight to the male mind for a quick second. Maybe it will help you see things for what they really are...

We don't understand you. No matter how well you get your point across, no matter how passionate you are about which you speak, no matter how many times you explain yourself...we don't understand you. Nothing you do makes sense to us. Seriously, NOTHING. What you're saying, what you're feeling and what you're doing might make sense to YOU (as a woman), but it will never, ever, ever make sense to US (as men).

So, don't waste your time explaining things to your boyfriend. Just lose the weight and be happy with that.
 
I think you should print out what you wrote there and everytime he tries to talk you out of it just give him a reprint.

Its your body, your mind and you who has to deal with the mirror in the morning not him. If he has a different opinion from you thats fine- if we all liked the same things the world would be a dull place. But at the end of the day when it comes to decisions, your body, your life, not his.
 
I think the mistake is that he somehow associates your weight with y'all's relationship status. He probably sees you wanting to change your body as a reflection of something wrong with the relationship. Maybe he is worried you will acquire "unwanted" attention from other guys if you keep the weight loss up. Just reiterate how you are doing this for your own health, that you love him and hope he understands, etc. If he refuses to "get it" then say adios sister! Your health should be the #1 priority, and if he doesn't want to respect that, then you would be better off without him!
 
Don't put it in the context of weight loss, just go ahead eating healthy and exercising and if he objects ask him why he wants you to develop heart disease, diabetes, joint problems, and not live as long as you could. It's not like you're slightly overweight, your BMI is in the obese range and carries pretty serious health risks.
 
Exactly like Soccerrox said, I think he is being unsupportive because of his own insecurities. Sounds like he's worried that you might get a new lease of life with your new body, and feels threated by the attention you could potentially receive. This, though perhaps cute, is also entirely selfish. Reassure him, but most importantly, lose the weight for you. If he's not comfortable with this, it's not your problem.
 
Forgive me, but I find men who will only date thicker girls and use derogatory terms toward thin ones (like 'skinny bitch') are just as piggish as as men who will only date thin girls and make fun of thicker girls.

I'm not judging your particular boyfriend though afairbanks, because I don't know him :) I just had to share a rant.
 
he`s just worried about loseing you so reasure him u love him and arent doing it to get rid of him and your just doing it for you. i`ve gota say i felt some butterflies when a girl has said there getting a boob job becuase i was scared i`d lose her but i kept quiet and would never act in the ridiculouse manner ur boyfriend is.
 
Your boyfriend is either super insecure about himself and being an aggressive little emo bitch about it, or, he is totally not into lean people and just being a plain dick about it. Either way, if you two love eachother and such, you need to work it out, I mean... this is obviously a problem for the both of you and since it is technically your body I would perhaps suggest telling him to STFU or GTFO, but thats just my attitude towards life.

Now if you know him to be insecure then tell him that he needs to stop projecting his insecure ass onto your healthier-by-the-day ass and do stuff that makes him feel good about himself. Whether that is drawing nice pictures of lifting weights or going bowling with the guys is for him to know.

If he is actually just being a dick then like... wtf? drop it like its hot girlfriend! amirite? (sorry, OD of encyclopedia dramatica)
 
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