Being overweight certainly killed my confidence in meeting people..

TitanicWreck

TitanicWreck

0
10 years ago when I jogged I was fit, and quite outgoing..I did pretty well at meeting people..But since then I put on 90 pounds- and am now socially awkward- I don't go out much, and decided I wont even try to meet single women until Im fit again....What woman could possibly be interested in me, a guy who is 90 pounds overweight? (which is how ive been thinking) .
Only if I were fit, could I be happy again...Anyone else here fall inop that problem of shelving a personal life and giving in to low self esteem when you get fat? It took me awhile to realise it was just my self esteem was damaged by my excess weight...
I have connvinced myself I should wait until Im fit nefore I try to meet available singles again...Am I crazy for doing this?Im just very self concious about the weight I out on.. I wasnt always this way..what the hell happened to me??
:(
 
look dont let the weight thing stop u, heres what i know from when i was heavy a number of years back...the only reason u think its akward, is because its all in ur head...people like people that are outgoing...if u sit around and do nothing u will only keep putting the weight back on, however if you start getting out there and doing things, eventually not only the weight will come off, but ur confidence will go up as well as ur stamina...u will have so much more energy and u will want to be out more instead of sitting around...beleive all it takes is that first month of pushing urself out the door, after that its easy to get out...the only problem will be once u loose a lot of weight it will get harder to keep shedding the pounds but dont give up...thats what the website is for,...everyone on here is very encouraging and willing to help! take it from me i lost 85 lbs at one point in my life...so i know its possible...just remember to take baby steps and not overdo it! if u want u can message me at any time..i can help kick ur butt out the door! good luck!
 
Bro you're right where you need to be. Time for change. Pain is the touchstone of all growth. My story is identical. Now 40lbs gone and I'm starting to come out of the hole for the first time in years. It's a great feeling. You can do it. You may need some help; nutrition, trainer, support group etc... You're not alone!

I'm available 24/7

James
818 259 0190

p.s. Fat guys are like social wallpaper. Girls walk on by and never look. Now with 40 lbs gone the wallpaper has been removed! :D
 
That's a hard one to guess... on the one hand, it could be the weight that makes meeting people unsuccessful, but on the other, it could be the feeling you have about the weight -the negativity that goes with it - that people are picking up on. Regardless, as you've said, the weight should go. Good luck in your new adventure.
 
I would say that don't let your weight get in the way for doing what you'd like to do. At the mean time, start a diet and exercise plan to get in shape. It is not a far-fetched goal to lose 90 lbs in a year. Once you shed 90 lbs, you would be amazed how great that feels.

I have a weight loss motivation blog at:



Hopefully this will help you get the ball rolling. ~ Cheers!

Terry
 
Hey, I have been browsing the forums for a while, and this topic made me decide to register. Just to clear taht up. Now for the advice;

I used to be about %25 body fat at the age of 14-17. I completely know what you mean by being overweight shattering your confidence, it's a terrible thing to go through.

I recently went through a seven week youth correction camp, we hiked ever day, sun up to sun down except on sunday and wednesday. We lived primitave, no showers or mirrors, so I never realised how much I was losing. However, upon my return home, I could instantly see I had lost a ton of weight. My confidence was instantly lifted. I later hopped on the scale and realised I lost 25 pounds and almost %8 body fat. This has changed my life entirely.

Being as I started out overweight, I never had the opportunity to really know what it was like to be truly confident, so there was a strong lack of motivation to lose it. However now that it's off, I could never go back to that, everytime I gain a pound, I just start hitting the gym every day (instead of every other) untill I lose two. I imagine it is similar for you. However, you had your taste at first.. That will make a huge difference.

You see, life has it's ups and downs, but sometimes the downs are so low, it's hard to get back the up. It has always been said that vision is the key to success. You have the advantage over many because you have seen the vision.

I want you to do something for me. Every night before you go to bed, think about how you used to be, how much you loved it. Think about the future, after losing weight and maybe getting married, think about the happy times you'll have. Do it again in the morning. Then before you even look in the mirror that day, do some excercises, wether it's crunches to hitting the gym. I can promise you you will start to see the change, and you will hopefully get addicted to that change.

As far as meeting people, never be afraid. Maybe you will meet someone you really care about and it will inspire you to work harder for your goal.

Like I said in the beginning, life has it's ups and downs, right now your at the bottom of a down, and you just have to climb out. At Anasazi, we never ot maps, nobody ever told us where we were headed. It's times like those when it's hard. But when you've hiked for five hours, and someone says "we'll camp at the top of that peak" that's when it gets easy. My point is, you have to visualise or it'll never happen. Make goals, take pictures, anything to keep you striving for your goals.

I hope I've helped somewhat, and good luck.
-X
 
Xhorntail - I am so inspired and motivated by your story. I saw your before and after pictures from another post and can see that this camp really changed your life. I am happy for you.

TitanicWreck - I have found that by eating healthier and starting to exercise has made me feel better about myself. Good luck to you.
 
Dude, I was in the same boat.. 90lbs overweight and extremely self concious. Luckily, I am not in the woman looking mode (grabbed a wife before this happened), but I have spent several years now looking down upon myself. Not wanting to really go anywhere, definitly not wanting to go to the beach or somewhere where a normal guy would take his shirt off. It always amazed me how big guys could just sling off their shirts and let the belly hang out and seem not to care. At times, I wish I had that ability so say 'screw it'.. and don't worry about it, but.. that just isn't part of me and its not something I can change. I will be frustrated or embarresed, or I can do something about it. But, now that I am on the right track, I am glad that wasn't my mentality, or I might not be where I am today. So, I know where your coming from.. believe me.

All I can say, is that your confidence can be regained and its the best feeling in the world. Don't give up.

As far as meeting people, man I would love to say 'YES' do it. But, having been in the same boat I can't see how I could have done that. Being uncomfortable with yourself is the worse feeling a person can have and your not going to just overcome that with a few words.

My suggestion..

1) Set a goal (like lose those 90lbs)
2) Set a course (to meet those goals)
3) Constantly remind yourself why you have that goal!
4) And jump on the coarse!!!!

I have lost 40lbs myself and I can say that I have much, much more confidence in myself. In fact, another 20lbs and I am going to mow the lawn with my shirt off.. woop!! sound silly? Well, thats gaining confidence bro...and I had none 5 months ago. The expression those neighbors are going to get watching giddy me mow the lawn is going to put a smile on my face. I guarentee it.
 
Ditto. I've been really weirded out by the weight gain. I see big guys with their shirts off and it amazes me too. Not for me though. Now I'm down 40lbs and feeling better. Here's a goal, lose 50lbs by Christmas and get yourself a present, a membership to match.com... All the birds a man can handle and then some. :D
 
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On thinking this over, I think it's probably a mix - a person secludes themselves because of their weight, and other people tend to if not exactly shy away, it requires a bit more work to break the ice. As of this writing, I've dropped about 85 lbs since May last year (from around 344 to around 257) and it has made a difference. More people say hi to me now, but then again I say hi to more people now as well. Just go with it, and reap the rewards of your new found body.

As a side note, I think it was Michelangelo (or possibly Da Vinci) who said that when he sculpted, he already saw the figures in the rock and helped to set them free. Not bad company to be in I'd say.
 
I like the sidenote Stingo, thats a nice way to look at it :D

Titanicwreck, as you can see, you are certainly not alone - this is a far more common scenario than you may think. I've been there and its a horrible place to be. I think I still have 'body image' problems to an extent but, I am a very harsh critic of myself so, maybe I'll never be 100% happy with how I look. Getting fit and losing weight though has given me a HUGE boost in confidence. I find myself doing things like smiling at women in the street nowadays (well, the cute ones anyway ;)) and most of them smile back. Now, perhaps they would have smiled back when I was heavier too but, I wouldn't know because I never had the confidence to smile at them in the first place.

This forum is a great place for motivation and encouragement. Stick with it and you will get there no question. Good luck.
 
I know it sounds nieve but I didn't realize that so many men feel ashamed of thier bodies also. I always thought it was just us women who put such high standards on ourselves because the media is always telling us we have to look like a model. Also, on TV it shows the man leaving the women for a younger, thinner woman. I work with kids ranging in age from 12 to 17 and and I don't see many thin kids. The girls are not embarrassed of what they call their "pouch". (This is what I call their gut.)They are actually proud of it. It's in style. Most of the boys are also overweight and I don't see kids making fun of others that are overweight.

Jungleb - I had a good laugh when I read your post about mowing the lawn with your shirt off and seeing your neighbors faces. LOL. I thought about my neighbors and had to laugh even harder when I realized that none of the men mow the lawn. LOL
 
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