I agree that last week went by fast.
I will admit that while I thought these boards would put my arse into weightloss mode, it did the opposite. I think I've always been private about my weightloss and putting it out here for everyone, even though we're all in the same boat, it's just put me into this mindset of letting everyone down if I decided to have chicken nuggets and a frosty from wendy's instead of a salad, and so forth.
However, in light of reducing my time spent on the WLF, I have been starting to get into heavy reading about everything. I though I knew a lot before, and I did, but there was also a lot of information that I wasn't getting that I'm starting to come across.
And it's frustrating because, as guys do, he's trying to fix this for me. And other than getting a true understanding of how my brain functions around food, whether I'm eating too much or I'm terrified to set foot inside the grocery store, I guess I don't want him involved. It's nothing against him. I just don't want to feel monitored by someone else. I don't want that pressure of letting someone down. I just don't know how to explain myself any better than I've been trying and convey to him that even though I know he only has my best interest at heart, that he needs to let me do this soley on my own.
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Okay, issue numero uno- I totally understand what you mean by these boards having the opposite effect. Being honest with yourself is a very long, gruelling process and can often times be a catch 22- On forums such as these you are 'baring your soul' so to speak and in some cases, its easier to remain private about issues so personal to you. I will tell you that from my therapy for my eating disorder, I have found that by making the private public, you are making HUGE progress in coping with your addiction. The thing about an addiction is that the longer it remains private, the more permanent it becomes. Addictions to food usually originate from a need to control something in your life, having something private that only you know about and can practice any control over. By exposing this exceedingly private [and in my case, extremely embarrassing] issue to the public even ONCE, you are making progress. The So if for whatever reason, you find that you are actually feeling bad about letting others down, definitely cut back on your posts. You should be able to enjoy your food and indulge yourself every so often and also not beat yourself up when you eat something unplanned. But its when those indulgences become more frequent and you experience more guilt than usual that you know you're heading down the wrong path.
But IT IS important to be honest with yourself as the more you avoid confronting the problem and trying to convince yourself that you are 'ok' with eating that third piece of pizza, the worse off you'll become- its a vicious cycle, unfortunately. I suppose the best advice I can offer is to definitely keep checking in on this site every so often as as you indicated, the support is definitely here. But might I suggest you also either buy a private journal or create a private journal online so that you can be 110% honest with yourself in all cases. If its private, only you read it but at least you are guaranteed to be honest with yourself without worrying about the repercussions of having others read your 'mistakes'.
For people like you and I who have addictions to food, its important to identify the triggers and avoid them until they no longer [if ever] have the same effect on us. Andrew does not understand this concept either and "lets me" indulge/binge by saying 'well you have to enjoy yourself.' Most people who have never had an addiction face difficulty in comprehending it and you're totally right- its easier to just cope with it on our own sometimes rather than relentlessly attempting to explain it to people. I know firsthand that it can be frustrating but know that you're not alone- as much as we may love them and they us, they just don't get it!
Take care and all the best to you. Feel free to private message or email me any time if you need a smaller audience-
crazybecka88@hotmail.com xxx
