Baby, the stars shine bright. (Paper Moon's Diary)

Paper Moon

Paper Moon

New member
This is hard. Really hard. But I've made up my mind today. So here is my first journal entry!( I'm sorry if it gets long winded. :( )

A Teeny bit about me. I'm 29, female, and a loner for the most part. I was born with an overactive imagination, but not much social flair. I found my calling in art college, and graduated with a BFA in digital Illustration. I work now doing digital art and desktop publishing for a graphics company.

Up till a year or so after college, I never had a weight problem... ever. I was incredibly active, very busybody, even though I didn't have friends. ( I did volunteer work, worked with children during summers, took extra summer classes.. things like that.) I ate crap all day and drank soda, juice, and never managed to go over 140 or so. Even after a terrible car accident broke my hip at 15, I still managed to bounce back and stay very active.

Fast forward a bit... Sadly..... I love my work, but it is endless sitting at the computer more than 15 hours a day. ( I work two jobs to make ends meet.. one at the company, and I also freelance at home. ) Due to my FABULOUS (oh the sarcasm!) social prowess.... I've managed to only make close ties to friends online. I often feel different online than I do in real life.. and I feel like I can express myself better here.

I've been constantly and slowly gaining weight since I graduated college, which was in 1999. I weighed 141 on a 5'6" frame at that time. I looked nice.

Things that have influenced me the most in those 7 years are two things... One, my mother has been extremely obese most of her life. She had a gastric bypass about 3 years ago. It was really the only hope she had at the time. Watching her suffer, seeing her struggle and get sick over it... I knew that I had to do something about my own weight... for myself.. and so she didn't have to see me go through the same heartbreaking recovery. I weighed 183 at that time.

The second and biggest motivator for me currently, is the recent death of my father. He passed away from terminal kidney failure in December of 2005. He had always been there for my mother with her weight struggle, and I knew that he saw the same things in my weight gain that he saw in her so many years ago. His last words to me were " I love you, please look after your mother.. and yourself." I won't forget ever.

So while this is for me... Dad, this is for you too. I'm all alone, and on a very tight monetary budget, but I swear I'll do what I can.

Sorry for the long story!!!!

I went out today and bought a few things that I've NEVER bought before.
A scale, a measuring tape, a notepad for calorie counting, and APPLES. - this is huge because I never eat them!

My weight today is 216.5

My 30th birthday is November 21st, and I'd love to have lost 20-30 pounds by then.. if possible. Please tell me if it's too far fetched. My overall final goal will be to reach 150.

I feel blessed to finally be able to write these things, and share with a community that understands my fear. Thank you for allowing me to vent, and I hope that you'll come back and check in with me soon! Believe me, sometimes I need the accountability.

Love, Moon.
 
you've got 4 months til the big 3-0...(a fabulous decade to enter... :D at 2 pounds a week you should reach that goal...

Rather than a notebook for your calorie counting, you might want to consider an online calorie counter.. those keep track of everything that you enter.. www.fitday.com and www.sparkpeople.com are two pretty good ones but tehre's a bazillion of them out there...

welcome to your diary and to this site,. you will find tons of encouragement and support... as well as the occassional kick in the butt if you need it... :) welcome welcome...
 
Hi Moon,
Sounds like you have plenty of motivation on getting started. You'll get plenty of support here.

You'd like to lose 20-30 lbs in 4 months. Assuming an average of 1-2 lbs per week that's 16-32 lbs. I think that's fairly reasonable as long as you have a plan which includes a healthy diet and exercise.
 
Welcome Moon. So sorry about your dad's passing. I know that when our parents die from a disease or condition it makes us re-evaluate our lives. I know all about the kidney failure thing too as my DH has polycystic kidneys and 3 of his immediate family members have had kidney transplants. In the future my DH may eventually have to have one as well. How is your mom doing? Does obesity run in the family?? That is something that you are going to have to address. I know that my grandmother was obese but all of her children are not. That was my concern too because even though my mom isn't obese (She is 5' 2" and weighs 110lbs) I was always worried that I would take after my grandmother. So far I'm okay in that respect. I am overweight but not majorly.

What does your diet consist of? How many calories a day and do you try to include some sort of exercise during the day? I know that working on a computer 15 hours a day really takes up your energy. I work on mine from about 8am to 10pm some days. But I am trying for Monday, Wed, Friday at the gym. Sort of rejuevinates me and keeps my endorphines going.

Surf around this forum and I bet you will not only find the support you need but also oodles of information on exercise and diet.

Take care and have a great day Moon.
 
Maleficent: Thank you for the tip! I just signed up for fitday, and I will use that along with my little carry memo ( incase I need to write down what I eat when I'm out. ) I'm so glad to be here, with you!

Manaloa: I hope I can do it! That would really make my 30th everything I could ever have hoped. I do have a plan in mind, of concious healthy eating and excersize :)

Jodee: Thank you for your kind words. I do hope everything works out for your DH. Please keep me informed on how he's doing. My mother was extremely obese, and has lost about 190 pounds from her gastric bypass. However my grandmother was not overweight. I think a lot of it has to do with life choices.

My plan right now, ( please tell me if it's no good.. I've NEVER dieted or watched what I eat, or anything! ) Is to stick around 1200 calories a day. I've completely cut out regular soda, and although I'm drinking diet right now, I want to try to wean myself off it completely, eventually. Little steps though.. I neeeeeds my soda :D I am trying to drink a ton of water, since I hardly have in the past. I'm up to about 5 or so glasses a day, so doing ok.. gonna work on it. Excerisize right now is tough... I do have Tae Bo tapes (tapes.. lol.. tells you how old they are) that I'm going to do 3 times a week to start, and I'm going to try to fit in some 30 min walks on the days I don't do them. Hope this is ok for a start.

I do think that watching what I eat will be a big thing right away, because I've been watching myself for a week, and man... when I'm in front of that computer... I just snack and snack and put stuff in my mouth.. even when I'm not hungry!!! I think it's just one of those habits and soon you don't even realize it. I seem to get hungry often, so I am going to try to split up my food into 5 small meals. I often feel gross when I eat just 2-3 big ones. Instead of chips and cookies, im going for celery, lettuce leaves with some turkey rolled up, grapes, apples. Gosh!

Thanks for looking :D I feel good about this and hope I'm on the right track.
 
Hey there- I answered your question about Turbo Jam on my diary.. but now that I read your diary entry I might change my answer. If you can handle Tae Bo, I think you can handle Turbo Jam. To me, they are both pretty similar (except Turbo Jam is more fun!)

Anyway, good luck! My birthday is in November too- (the 19th)- I think we should both try to lose those 20-30 pounds for our birthdays together!
 
This is really funny - I'm also 29, also graduated college in 99, and my 30th b-day is October 16th! I also work in computers, albeight software enginner, as I don't have any graphical talent. :) I have to say, this lifestyle is definitely making it a challenge to stay in shape!

Sounds that you are on the right track! I have to say, it is hard to change your habits, but with consistant reminding yourself of your new determination, you can do! It is not an easy journey though, and we need each other on this forum for support! However, you're already making great first steps, and I'm sure you'll see great results soon!
As far as your goal, everyone's body is different. Some people loose fast, some people loose slowly. You are going to have to find out for yourself, based on your experience. 1-2 lbs/week is good and healthy weight loss.
Usually in the beginning weight loss goes faster.

Personally, I had great success with counting calories as a means of making sure I'm consistant with how much I eat, watching myself closely, and establishing new eating habits.

All the best on this journey!
 
I'm glad there's so many people my age doing this with me!! I bet we can all reach our goals by our birthdays... Lets DO it!!!!

Today I feel I did pretty well eating.. I have to admit I am feeling a bit hungry at the moment.. and I'm wondering what I can snag that won't ruin the day.

Brekky/Lunch: Chicken with mushrooms & salad: 330 calories

Midday snack: 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese: 90 calories

Dinner: Chicken with mushrooms ( I made too much of it lol ): 300 calories
2 oz. Whole wheat pasta: 180 calories
1 cup frozen mixed veggies: 65 calories
1 Diet coke: 0 calories
Dessert: Granny smith apple: 74

Viactiv calcium supplement: 20 calories

Total calories: 1059

Maybe I could have a cup of air popped popcorn :p

EDIT: I forgot I bought dill pickles!! Muahahahahhaha 10 calories each!! I'm so snagging 3!!!!! add on 30 calories to that bad larry... 1089. NICE

The only thing I would have liked to have done different was drink more water. I only drank 3 cups today.. ( 16 oz cups ), and would have liked to have more. Tomorrow I will drink at least one more cup :)
 
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Hey Pm,

This is my first look at your diary. You have very reasonable goals and it definately looks like you are on your way.

I love pickles. That is normally my morning snack hehe. Enjoy!:)
 
Thank you for stopping by Miss_Kallie!!!!! :D I appreciate it. I've read your diary and subscribed to it just today :D We can do it!!!


Last minute update... I thought I was WAY too tired but I STILL got up tonight and did my 30 min tae bo workout... I'm dog dead almost but YAY!!! I did it!!! It was so worth it! :D :D :D
 
Paper Moon said:
I feel blessed to finally be able to write these things, and share with a community that understands my fear. Thank you for allowing me to vent, and I hope that you'll come back and check in with me soon! Believe me, sometimes I need the accountability.

Love, Moon.
Click to expand...

Hey Paper - read your dairy and like you being new to this site I find it is abound with lots of support and helps keep us shooting for the stars! I would also consider myself somewhat of a loner...this site certainly helps with emotions and opening up. Enjoy your apples & best of luck! NAT
 
Pickles, especially really good garlic dill pickles, are amazingly good, the thing you have to watch with them is they have an obscene amount of sodium in them... which could lead to water retention... and if you have any blood pressure issus, it also raises blood pressure... but otherwise, enjoy the low calorie, high crunch tasty treat...
 
Checking in this morning, before I head off to a long day at work. I weighed myself this morning at the same time I did yesterday...... and I'm down 2.5 :eek:

I'm trying not to get overexcited because it's probably just water weight, right? I almost squealed with joy when I saw it, since this is the first time EVER that I've owned a scale, or tried to make the numbers move with my own "magic" powers XD.

Anyway I'm totally happy!!!!!

Thank you all who have supported me so far!! It's truly helping!

Goals for today:

Drink at least 4 big cups of water
Sit up straight at the computer
Tell myself 3 times today that I'M WORTH IT
 
Excellent job Moon. You are doing a great job. I have a funny story about Tae-Bo. I have the tapes too so one morning I thought that it would be fun to do. Well, OMG, I couldn't move for 3 days afterwards. It just about killed me. LOL. We don't have a tv (we have a projector on the ceiling) so it is hard for me to exercise in our livingroom. That is why I just go to the gym. It is my outing and I really look forward to it. Money well spent. :D Your 2.5lb loss is awesome. Even though it may be water, it makes you 2.5lbs lighter. Have a great day.
 
Today was strange for me. I felt so good about yesterday and how it went. So I was happy, but for some reason today, even though I ate small frequent meals... I was so hungry most of the day!!! I find too when I get hungry that my head gets light, and I get a foggy feeling. Is this normal?

It's also weird what you notice when you're really thinking about something. I realized that on my route home from work, I pass a McDonalds, KFC, Friendlys, Burger King, Wendy's, Subway, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Dunkin Donuts. ALL on the same road, and all only separated by two businesses or less! The BEST part about it, is there's a curves and a weight watchers smack dab in the middle of them all. Talk about placement strategy! Scandalous!

I have to admit I was so hungry come dinner time that I went to taco bell. HOWEVER... I looked on the website last night and calculated a meal that ACTUALLY FIT into my calories... watching my weight with taco bell???? perhaps!!!

For fun I calculated the calories of a normal meal I eat at taco bell, before I started the diet. Let's just say it was way over 1200... for one meal... god the things you realize once you open your eyes and look!!!!!

Today's Food intake:

B: Poached egg on whole wheat toast: 160
two links veggie sausage: 80
Tall glass water

L: Ham Sanwich with low fat swiss on whole wheat: 330
1 cup grapes: 110 ( grapes have a lot of calories! )
Tall glass water, Diet Coke

D: 3 crunchy beef Taco Bell tacos, "fresco" style": 450
Diet Pepsi

Total: 1130

(Even saved a few calories for a few nightime dill pickles for snacks!)

Taco Bell is probably not something I want to eat everyday. But it's very comforting to know that if I really ever wanted to "treat" myself without even going over calories, I could have that, since Taco Bell is my one fast food weakness. YAY :D I'm really digging how creative you can get with making a menu that works.

I would like to workout tonight. I am dog tired right now but I'll see how I feel after dinner settles. I have a feeling I'm going to do it :)
 
that's great that you did a little research.. and were able to go out - enjoy yourself without killing your calories for the day... Huge success for you... :D

There are gonna be days where you can't eat your regular amount of calories because you just aren't that hungry - then other days - where you are just hungry all the time... sometimes i think the trick is to figure out what you are hungry for... and have that...

You're doing awesome so far!!!
 
I'm watching your diary Paper. You remind me a little of my eldest daughter - she's only 12, but like you, she loves all things Japan, and prefers to relate to people on the Internet to people in her real world. She's also a loner, loves manga, a big reader.

Keep on telling yourself that you are worth it - because you are!
 
Thanks you guys!!!!! To be honest Mal, I hope I have many days where I don't feel like eating much :p But i'll do my best on my "hungry as heck" days that I know I'm gonna have.

Pineola: Thanks so much hun!!! You guys are great inspriation!

ToothlessFerret: how funny about your daughter! I'm grown and my mom STILL doesn't understand me... she just doesn't get the "internet life" or "geeky" lifestyle that I have. I doubt she ever will :p

awww and thanks for saying I'm worth it. WE ALL ARE!!!!
 
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