Aphrodite1
New member
Hi. Coming back here. In total, since March, I have lost quite a bit of weight. But to put it simply- I'm doing things a bit different this time.
I'm coming back to really grasp it by the reigns this time, however, there are changes.
This time, I am not focusing on it so much physically as I am psychologically. I have just started therapy, and one of my biggest problems is avoiding things. I will be using this blog to vent out my frustrations, my dreams, my goals, and my accomplishments. I am focusing on myself physically but I feel I need to focus on the root first, in order to allow the physical to follow. I am 16, and I refuse to waste anymore of my life living like this. I should be outgoing, I should be going to prom, going on dates, meeting new people.. but I can't, actually, scratch that, I *don't*, because I feel like I do not deserve it as an overweight person.
It hurts me, I know I say I am confident- but how true is that really? How much of that is an act, an illusion to allow myself to keep avoiding?
It hurts me to go out and see other girls my age doing something so gracefully that comes naturally to them, and it being something that I have to make a lifestyle change for.
It kills me.. to feel like I have to settle. A part of me hates society for it, a part of me hates myself for it because I can understand why society would endorse fit and healthy as beautiful. But I also want to be beautiful.. without having to do that.
Please know, I am not making excuses, but this is a personal step of mine that I am doing, to let it out and get rid of all avoidance and delusion.
From now on, can't will be removed from my vocabulary.
This isn't just about getting skinny for me, this is a healing period in my life, and in order to overcome my past- I must confront it, and forgive it, also forgive myself. I am not quite there yet.. but everything has a first stepping stone.
I'm coming back to really grasp it by the reigns this time, however, there are changes.
This time, I am not focusing on it so much physically as I am psychologically. I have just started therapy, and one of my biggest problems is avoiding things. I will be using this blog to vent out my frustrations, my dreams, my goals, and my accomplishments. I am focusing on myself physically but I feel I need to focus on the root first, in order to allow the physical to follow. I am 16, and I refuse to waste anymore of my life living like this. I should be outgoing, I should be going to prom, going on dates, meeting new people.. but I can't, actually, scratch that, I *don't*, because I feel like I do not deserve it as an overweight person.
It hurts me, I know I say I am confident- but how true is that really? How much of that is an act, an illusion to allow myself to keep avoiding?
It hurts me to go out and see other girls my age doing something so gracefully that comes naturally to them, and it being something that I have to make a lifestyle change for.
It kills me.. to feel like I have to settle. A part of me hates society for it, a part of me hates myself for it because I can understand why society would endorse fit and healthy as beautiful. But I also want to be beautiful.. without having to do that.
Please know, I am not making excuses, but this is a personal step of mine that I am doing, to let it out and get rid of all avoidance and delusion.
From now on, can't will be removed from my vocabulary.
This isn't just about getting skinny for me, this is a healing period in my life, and in order to overcome my past- I must confront it, and forgive it, also forgive myself. I am not quite there yet.. but everything has a first stepping stone.