Anyone here ever had anorexia?

T

Tal106

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Ok, I was just basically wondering if anyone has had it to some degree, or even been close to it, or how about even accused of having it?

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Almost a year ago I came on here, as a confused, depressed 15 year old boy
I felt fat, unhappy and pretty much darn right stupid that I had let things go the way I did
Some asshat in school was bullying me about my weight, calling me chubby, and fat and all of that


When I started losing weight I had no clue what to do, I began eating healthy, then that led to eating less and less, when I couldn't bring myself to eat the proper amounts of food and was literally starving and overexcercising myself to an early grave, I did not even know that this was anorexia.
I knew there was a problem, I knew I was depressed, but I just kept going.

I've certainly proved to myself that I can and will push myself to my limit (or beyond it) if I want to.
At the moment I'm sitting at 5ft 4", and 10 and a half stone (150lbs), or there abouts.
I'm not happy with my weight, but my thoughts don't revolve around that 24/7 anymore.
Eventually I'm going to get around to losing the weight I put on (gradually of course), but I'm only going down to as far as 8 stone (112lbs) which I understand is borderline underweight/average.

I've started seeing myself in a more positive light, I dont think I look too bad, a little "chunky" if you will, but thats about it.
I'm not panicking about it anymore, I don't have any trouble bringing myself to eat anything and I don't excercise too much anymore.
I know there is plenty of time in my future to improve myself, at a stage were I know I can trust myself (even though I already can) to rationally think about things.

I think I can call myself recovered, there's absolutely no reason I can't.

I find it hard to believe that what started out as "getting healthy" nearly a year ago, nearly resulted in my death half a year later.


Ok, I've done my talking, thats pretty much all I have to say.. at least it'll give those of you who are bored something to read! :D
 
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Yes, my sophomore year in high school I was hospitalized for anorexia. By that time I was about 77lbs (I was approx. 5'5) and losing my weight RAPIDLY. It had really begun to speed up a couple weeks before I was hospitalized. Before that, I had been gradually losing weight over the summer and the preceding months, and I think I've always had some sort of problem with eating and my weight. My mother things part of it has to do with my being in gymnastics when I was younger. But I don't really know.

Either way, I was depressed and willing to accept death.. I was only eating about ~500 calories a day, and carried a HUGE backpack for my weight, probably about 20 pounds (I hate going to my locker). I would just come home and do my homework and that would be about as much as I could expend. I did manage to get straight A"s though. What was worse was I was taking my Foundations class (like PE) and we had to RUN and lift weights every other day (I couldn't lift much though :rolleyes:).

A month before I was hospitalized I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and given medication to help with that-- which it did a bit. But I was still struggling. Eventually, my parents noticed how THIN I was (amazingly, they were unable to tell..?) and scheduled an appointment for me to go to the doctor because I desperately needed help. I was practically yanked off the face of the earth at that point, I hospitalized immediately (although, we were in the waiting room FOREVER). My body temperature was around 94-96 F, not quite sure. I had to sign a contract saying I agreed to the treatment, and to remain in the hospital until I reached 85% of my normal body weight. I had a dietitian, therapist, and my normal doctor who would make rounds.

I was weighed every morning before breakfast, put on video monitoring while I was in my room. I wasn't allowed to move.. if you were even slightly moving your legs, the PCA would come and tell you to stop. My food intake was gradually increased using a point system which is similar to the weight watchers one (1 point=60 calories). After eating, I was monitored in a room for an hour before allowed to return to my own room. Blood pressure, temp and heart rate were all taken 3-5 times a day, don't remember. But I remember them having to wake me up in the middle of the night and do it.

Bone density scans were done, and the bad news was that I had/have osteopenia, which is a step below osteoporosis. Fortunately, I'm young enough and I can help repair the damage done. I haven't gone back to get my density checked since it was first done, but I'm hoping theres tons of improvement.

Spent 72 days in the hospital, and gained what I think was about ~30-40 lbs. I still have to go back for check ups with my doctor, as he monitors my weight closely and schedules appointments accordingly-- right now I'm at 2 month intervals. I'm still seeing my therapist, off and on. I was recently cleared by my psychiatrist from depression, as I stopped taking the medications a few months ago, and he thinks I have improved greatly. He jokingly said I was "fired" as his patient. :)

Overall, its a slow healing process. Its been a little more than a year since I've been released and I'm still recovering and trying to deal with it. Recently though, I think I've made a ton of progress-- eating 100x healthier and trying to increase my food intake (its still low) and exercising, which I wasn't doing before. Just takes time though :)

I can ramble on and on and on about it. :eek:

I'm glad you're doing better Tal. I feel the same way though, I look back and wonder what the f I was thinking. I just joke and say I was in a very bad state of mind and could have been considered crazy at that point.
 
I've been essentially accused of having it. I've never tried to lose weight though, ever. I'm just naturally skinny.

But I can relate to some of your body image issues. I used to be unhappy with the size of my breasts. I still wouldn't mind if they were a bit bigger, which I think gaining some weight will help, but I've learned to accept myself no matter how small I am.

I think if you don't tackle your deep issues with your own body, you will never be fully satisfied with the results of your weight loss journey. I honestly think 112 lbs is too light for you. And I think that if you try to get there with your current attitude you will never be satisfied. A growing young man such as yourself needs a bit of extra weight. You need to nourish your body and your brain, going down to a low-normal/borderline underweight weight will not help you or make you healthier. And I can't stress this enough. It WILL NOT make you feel better about yourself.

I think, before you try to lose weight or get in shape, you NEED to look into yourself and examine why you feel so bad about your body. Generally, negative body images come from negative attitudes about the SELF. Learn to love yourself first, the love for your body will come later. This is about something deeper than fat, and only you really know what it is. We will often times try to pick something easy to control in our lives, like weight, to avoid dealing with the tougher issues. Don't be afraid, take on those tougher issues whatever they may be.

You might consider getting some books on self esteem and self love. Like I said, eating disorders are about more than food. You just use food to cover up the real issue. I wish you luck. You seem like a very determined young man (that's right, MAN not boy), you just need to focus your strong energies in a different way.
 
Wow some of you have really been through fire. I believe that eating disorders have a spiritual link/root (sorry for those of you who are non-religious) but you need to tackle :-

- Low self-esteem
- Fear of becoming overweight
- Hiding from your family your behaviour

It is sad to see that bullying in Tal106's case contributed to the need to lose weight at all costs. The sad reality is that society/peer pressure/family can dictate (often wrongly) to an individual what course of action they should take.
 
It really is hell, to be honest.

For about the last few months I've gained like 15kg while I was already in the lower "healthy" range, but I think I needed it, because it got me over my fear of food and I now am trying to shed that 15kg again slowly, but now I'm happy because I'm not strictly counting calories (more so estimating now), and I am happy to enjoy my food.

Right now things are goign really well, I think. Sure there are a few niggles here and there, but I am now happy to listen to the advice my counciller and parents give me.
I'm aiming to be about 115lbs, or thereabouts, but once I get the knowledge that I am maintaining that weight, I'll be able to stop worrying completely I think.

I'm going to leave weight training, or anything like that till I'm a bit older I think.

But overall things are going well for me, I'm really happy that we caught onto it before it got much worse.

Edit: I am trying to lose weight because I'm not comfortable sitting were I am, which is pretty much borderline overweight, I think my parents and counciller are happy for me to lose a bit of weight, mainly because they don't want me going overboard and slide back into too many old thoughts.
The thing with the weight loss is, I know what to look out for now :)
 
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Tal106,

Glad you're doing better. Those kids at school can really do a job on ya can't they? I was teased in school for the opposite reason. I've always been very thin and I hated it.

spicypumpkin is right. It's about learning to love yourself no matter what. Even though you were teased for being chubby and I was teased for being too thin, it's really not about the teasing. It's about loving yourself for who you are right now and when you truly accept yourself, the teasing doesn't matter. I wish someone had taught me that as a child. It would have made my adolescent years much better.

When I was in my early 20's I bought some books on self esteem and they really helped me a lot. I do wish you all the best.
 
Hey Tal,

Good to hear from you again. I've had anorexia and yes I know it sucks bigtime. I tried to hide it from my family and was lying to them saying that I would deal with it myself. I was 128lbs and continued to lose 15 more pounds over three weeks.

As others have said, anorexia is so much more than just about food. It's about what you think of yourself. I was fat as a child and was made fun of. Later, when I was 14, I lost all of it just through activities like walking the dog. However, I still looked at myself in the mirror and called my self a fat ass. Every day.

At school and work I was a complete perfectionist. If I could not understand something at school, I called myself a failure that deserved to die. The same thing went for work.

It really kicked into high gear in June when I decided to "get healthy." I cut all junk food out of my diet and cut myself to 600 calories a day. I also started running 10k a day. All of this was on top of doing manual labor all day.

One image that I cannot get out of my head is getting out of bed at 5am, absolutely exhausted and freezing cold and still dragging myself to the door to go out for my run.

It sucked but I'm out of it now. I'm at a healthy weight of 168lbs and continuing to bulk up through bodybuilding. I'm loving every minute of it too!

My advice to you is to be careful with your diet and exercise. Personally, I think 112lbs if too low for somebody your height. Are you lifting weights? If not, I would suggest you do. A change in body composition is very motivating to me. You may be the same.

Take a look at what I've done with bodybuilding:
http://training.fitness.com/photo-gallery/after-11-months-bulking-33979.html

Best of luck to you! :)
 
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Yeah I went through very similar things that you have and are going through. Being an overweight teen I went completely in the opposite direction and started running and cutting out basically all my food until i was very underweight, for about a year and a half i felt completely miserable, the problem was while i thought i was miserable due to my body it was actually due to the lack of food! The biggest step is to loose the fear of weight gain if you need to gain some, as soon as the fear dissapears then the obsessing over food will hopefully lift to. It might be a long process but im sure it'll work out well for you, i for one never thought i'd be recovered :)
 
I was actually anorexic when I was about 17. Shhh its a secret! I don't tell people really... It was bad. I hated everything about myself. I was in a bad place due to some other things going on in my life... I had been the victim of a violent crime and I was in an abusive relationship at that point in my life, so I was extremely depressed. I was cutting myself among other things and just generally did not have a positive outlook. I had negative feedback from all sides. My mom and boyfriend at the time were both telling me I was fat, so I just started eating less and less. I would look in the mirror and just curl up in a ball and cry. I would hit my stomach and thighs as hard as I could because I was so frustrated with how big they were. It got to the point where I would go multiple days on nothing but a single piece of fruit and a cup of green tea.

I lost weight rapidly, and part of me was really hoping someone would notice this and pay attention to me, nurture me, offer me some help. The response? My mom asked me if I had gained weight because she said my hips looked huge. I was about ready to jump off a roof when I heard that. You can see my home environment at the time was not the best. What ended up happening was just the opposite of what I had hoped. In fact, no one noticed. No one cared. Not a single comment, no words of support or concern. I realized that I could just waste away and die and no one would notice. Here I was trying to be thin so I would be noticed, so I would be loved, so I would be "beautiful", and no one was seeing it. I was hurting myself, putting on this "show" for the benefit of others, and no one cared.

That's when I decided screw it, who needs attention from any of them. I started eating well and working out and doing what was better for me. I dropped the abusive boyfriend, left home, and started shaping up. And when I stopped caring what people around me thought and started worrying more about how I felt, that's actually when people started noticing that I was exuding confidence and joy. That's when I started to have an aura of positivity around me that got attention and compliments. So its true, when you're happy with yourself and you like yourself, other people will start to see you in a better light as well! You start to carry yourself differently, act differently, and your entire energy changes. So that's how I started down the long road to where I am now. Bet you never would have guessed, knowing the current me ;)
 
i guess you could say i had it when i wrestled. but that was more because i was competitive. i wanted to eat so ****ing bad! i can't believe i deprived myself of gods greatest gift...food.
 
I have a very close friend right now who is struggling with bulemia.. it's such a messed up situation, she'll drink three beers and be fine with it, but if she eats two bites of food (even broccoli!) she'll go get sick.. wtf.. I try to help her but I just don't understand the mindset...
The numbers on the scale are going down for her, 120's now I believe... and that's feeding her disease because she is losing weight, seeing results she wants, BUT, she is still flabby as hell. I KNOW it's because she doesnt get any nutrition, so her muscle mass is gone. If she would eat healthy and workout she'd look a million times better. So even though she hardly weighs anything, her body looks terrible, there is nothing tone about it. I've invited her to the gym with me, trying to rub off healthy habits but she'd rather sit home, drink beer, throw up and feel bad for herself. Is this a situation where I should just keep my mouth shut and wait for her to reach a breaking point, or is tough love needed?? I've never had to deal with anyone close to me having an eating disorder so I'm totally in the dark on this one!
 
Anerxia is a very serious problem, and throwing up to lose wieght makes it alot worse.
I have had many friends who have gone threw this tough love is what I did to each and everyone of them, though since im in highschool tough love was telling the school counserlor. Im not sure you can do this in your case but getting a doctor in on this if it gets serious is needed. On a 1-10 scale of danger this is a 10, not to be messed around with. I would suggest if you and your doctor are close call him/her and tell him/her. My advise and other's should not be used unless one of us are doctors and know exactly what we are talking about. For now it seems like its not life threating but I might be wrong, if it gets anywhere near life endangering contact someone who knows what they are talking about, i.e. doctor

That is my opnion on this. Not to be taken as 100% what to do.
More information would be helpful, how seroius has it gotten?

If she can drink maybe get her to take gainer shakes? People take them to bulk but before she gets help this might help a little. (To Kaseys412... not sure how to quote someone...)
 
New CW series seeks to help women with ED

I just thought this might be something of interest to the members of this forum. There’s a new show on the CW called Secrets that is seeking out women 18-24 who are forced to lead a double life between their professional life and their addictive eating disorder. The purpose of the show is to provide these women with an outlet to address this issue so as to receive the help they secretly want and desperately need. If this sounds like something you would be interested in just go to cwsecrets.com to apply.

Hope this finds someone who could really benefit from this show!
 
for 6 months

... aged 20. Went from 10 stone 4 to slightly less than 6 stone in that time. was in the 2nd year if Uni. I was stressed because due to bad eating and a temporary slowing down of my strange variable metabolism, I went from under 8 st to 10 st 4 in seemingly no time at all.
Now the lowest I ever am is 9 st 10 (I'm 5 ft 5, medium frame), and am pushing 10 st 9 now due to winter blues and other problems making me comfort eat.
It is odd because I still have the thinking there, in low moments, but i act on it in the opposite way (ie overeating)
But since I take plenty of exercise and basically eat a good diet and have an efficient metabolism ...my poor body works after all the nasty calorific cakes and stimulants I've given it over the years - not at the same time ha ha - i ought to be grateful for that...
And usually I am healthy about things mentally, but when I am stressed (about anything at all) the negative feelings can return.
 
I had bulimia for over two years. I find it hard to talk about. All I can say is I think I have dealt with most of the issues that caused it and I feel better than ever
 
Freshman year of highschool I skipped lunch a lot or would eat bare minimum meals for lunch. It was the worst idea ever. I love food too much now to ever do such a thing again, but I still worry about my weight big time. I might even have bdd, which is pretty bad I guess, but at least I'm not skipping lunches anymore.
 
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