anyone getting a divorce or seperated (and have kids?)

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pamelalynne

New member
Hey everyone. My name is Pamela, I am 22 years old and have a son who is turning 2 in june. I was just wondering if there are any moms out there that are getting a divorse or seperated from their loved one. I just did that today, and I need to just vent. Sorry if I am kinda bitter.

I weighed myself the other day, and guess what?! I am now 164.8lbs! I don't care how little that is, but its amazing what can happen if you eat right and exercise, and TRY not to have stress in your life. Me, I am most of the time not stressed out, but today I am because I took a break from my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years. I am going to cocoa beach with my son this weekend, and where we are staying has a HUGE gym (with a daycare!) so I will be there half the time.

I swear that men can drive women crazy! I do not need a guy who says that I am doing so good, but then tell me that I am not looking like I've lost weight. The other night, he put me down and said to me "Pamela, you will be so much more beautiful when your skinnier, but right now, your 'so-so' beautiful!" I just wanted to right then and there, but our son was watching us, and I would never do that infront of him. How could a person you are supposed to be in-love with...treat you so horriable?! Thats why I took the break. To get away from him! Has anyone gone through the same thing, or am I the only one?

I don't care what he say's, but I am damn proud of myself for losing all of that weight! Going from 205.5lbs to 164.8lbs is a big thing!

He doesn't pay for anything! Since Nathan has been born, I've paid for wipes, diapers, food, toys, clothes, doctor paymentsand he's paid nothing! Not one thing at all! He isn't there for nathan at all too. When he is, and if nathan trips and falls and stats crying, he gets so angry and says "Nathan, stop crying! Big boys don't cry." and when nathan wants to be held because he tripped, he doesn't pick him up. Jeremy (his name) thinks nathan is crying for attention. No...he's crying because he wants lovings and to be comfort!

I moved out of Jeremy's house when nathan was 6 months old because Jeremy had his parents move in and they started smoking in the house. (Sorry if I offend people who smoke, but I have to get this off my chest.) I told them to go outside, and they wouldn't. Within 2 days of them living there, Nathan went from being a happy-go-lucky boy to a sick, not wanting to do anything boy. I called Jeremy because my car was at the shop to come and get me so we could bring Nathan to the doctors. Guess what he said to me "Its all in your head pam, Nathan is fine. Besides I can't leave Kickboxing class right now, we are in the middle of playing a game!" So I called my dad, and brought Nathan to the Doctors. The doctor said that Nathan needed to be put into the hospital because he developed servere broncidus! I decided that I needed to take Nathan out of the situation asap. So I moved back in with my parents. Ever since then, He see's Nathan once a week. Jeremy says he has "Responsablility's and Priorities" to be at the kickboxing gym every single day (He doesn't get paid!) Lets just say, I haven't had "Mommy Time" In almost 2 years, where he had "Daddy Time" Every single day!

Am I blowing everything out of porportion? Or was I right to break up with him? (Thank gosh we didn't get married last december!) I would love to hear from some of you. What would you do in my situation? Would you have left sooner?
 
wow im sorry to hear all of that. I was married at one time to. We have a 5 yr old son together. I weighed 190 pds at the time I went on a diet and dropped down to 145. He didnt notice. He would always make remarks like you have a huge butt he didnt quite put it like that though. I decided to leave him not for just that reason but many. After I left I felt alive again. Needless to say I gained the weight back. I got remarried and had a daughter. But I am losing again and with a much better man. Only you can make the decision on leaving him or staying. I know I made the right choice. But congrats on the weight loss. Alittle weight loss means alot
 
he is a poor boyfriend, and an even worse father figure. it is best to remove him from the picture now, before your son is old enough to understand the seperation. it may be tough, and very stressful at times, but if you love your son and devote yourself to him, you can raise him into a better man alone than with the poor influence of a low quality father figure. I say this as a 23 year old man who was raised by a single mother from the age of 1. I never had any of the emotional or psychological issues that stem from parents splitting when the child is old enough to understand. My mother dedicated her life to giving me opportunity, and now, i am a pretty darn good person with the utmost amount of respect for women and the desire to be the wonderful father i never had.

keep YOUR priorities straight, and things will work out for the best if you stick to it. best of luck to you and your son.
 
pamelalynne said:
He isn't there for nathan at all too. When he is, and if nathan trips and falls and stats crying, he gets so angry and says "Nathan, stop crying! Big boys don't cry." and when nathan wants to be held because he tripped, he doesn't pick him up. Jeremy (his name) thinks nathan is crying for attention. No...he's crying because he wants lovings and to be comfort!

I moved out of Jeremy's house when nathan was 6 months old because Jeremy had his parents move in and they started smoking in the house. (Sorry if I offend people who smoke, but I have to get this off my chest.) I told them to go outside, and they wouldn't. Within 2 days of them living there, Nathan went from being a happy-go-lucky boy to a sick, not wanting to do anything boy. I called Jeremy because my car was at the shop to come and get me so we could bring Nathan to the doctors. Guess what he said to me "Its all in your head pam, Nathan is fine. Besides I can't leave Kickboxing class right now, we are in the middle of playing a game!" So I called my dad, and brought Nathan to the Doctors. The doctor said that Nathan needed to be put into the hospital because he developed servere broncidus! I decided that I needed to take Nathan out of the situation asap. So I moved back in with my parents. Ever since then, He see's Nathan once a week. Jeremy says he has "Responsablility's and Priorities" to be at the kickboxing gym every single day (He doesn't get paid!) Lets just say, I haven't had "Mommy Time" In almost 2 years, where he had "Daddy Time" Every single day!

Am I blowing everything out of porportion? Or was I right to break up with him? (Thank gosh we didn't get married last december!) I would love to hear from some of you. What would you do in my situation? Would you have left sooner?
Click to expand...

You are not blowing anything out of proportion. Your son's emotional and physical health and your own emotional and physical are of the most precious things you both have. Based on what you've written here, Jeremy doesn't give a damn about those things.

In STARK contrast, you have taken amazing care of yourself and you acted immediately when your son's health was put at risk. You sound like a determined, strong person and an excellent mother. I don't want to be glib about a subject so serious, since Jeremy will always be your son's father, but YOU are the parent he needs, and both you and your son should have someone in your life who appreciates you, treasures you, and wants to help take care of you - that does not sound like Jeremy as you decribe him. Don't think twice about "should have done this sooner." Instead please give yourself credit for all the good things you are doing now and will keep doing.
 
Woo Hoo on the weight loss

Wish I was going to cocoa beach, have a blast. AND the gym has a day care!!!. That will give you some mommy time. Enjoy and have a blast, you deserve it. Jeremy will have fun too, junior gym time for him :)

I am divorced, with kids. Twice over..it was so fun the first time I wanted to do it again (hee hee hee)

I have 4 kids two from each relationship (one living together and the other was marriage) the older ones are turning out to be great additions to society, a well respected young man and a beautiful young lady. Both have adjusted well even having only me in thir lives. The little ones are doing well, thier father was not there while we were together so they really did not miss him after the separation but the arguing and stress of the relationship staying together would have destroyed them all.

You need to have Jeremy grow up in a loving, less aggravated environment. Plus you do not want him growing up thinking he can talk to women the way his father is talking, that would be more hurtful then anything.

Kids really do understand things, both good and bad. It is best to give them the best that you can while they are in the growing and much influencial time of their lives.

In the end they will be thankful that you were there for them and that you took them from a bad environment. unfortunately sometimes that means away from one of thier parents, whether it be the mom or dad.

Good luck, you will make it through.
Debbie
 
Oh my goodness girl, deja vu. I went through all most the excact same thing, with the excact same comments at around the exact same age. Trust me when I say, you'll be better off with out him. Just make sure you learn from this experience and when you start dating again, if a guy sends up your loser flag, move on right away. Don't let anyone else do this to you.

Good luck with everything, I wish you and your son all the happiness in the world and kudos for taking care of yourself and your son, you deserve a lot of praise for that.
 
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