Anne's Diary

Anne'sChance

New member
I'm new to this forum... If I step on any established customs, please let me know.

I'm just fed up with myself. I had started losing weight (down over fifty pounds) and then it just started coming back. My boyfriend and I broke up and I left my job as a server, so the sadness combined with less exercise has been negative. I'm back up almost thirty pounds, and I feel like it happened overnight.

I was starting to feel comfortable in my body, and now I'm back to hating putting on clothes and feeling awkward when I'm sitting down.

My highest weight was 278 pounds. I was down to 225, and now I'm back up to 253-257 (I think I'm retaining water because the numbers on the scale change back and forth daily). I'm terrified that I'm going to look down one day and see that number has gotten all the way back to 278 or worse.

I have a supportive family and good friends, but there are some things that I think they don't understand. I'm looking for a place where I can come and talk to people who understand what it's like to pray that nobody brought a camera to the party, and who don't want to be seen eating, and who feel bad about themselves when they get dressed. I mean, I'm not encouraging people to feel like that, but if you have ever felt like that at any point then you can understand where I'm coming from.

I just really, really want this to change. I want to feel good about myself when I look in the mirror. I want to have a healthy relationship with food.

Although I am extremely overweight, I actually don't look as big as you'd expect someone to who weighs 255 pounds and is 5'7" tall. This makes me suspect that I'll always be a bit heavy for my height (the people in my family have a lot of natural muscle mass). So to begin, I think I'll make my goal weight 155 pounds. That's at the high end of a heathly weight on the BMI, but I think it's more realistic than thinking that my body type could be healthy at 120 pounds.

I'm looking for some friends on this forum, and for any advice that's offered. I'd also really like to add a goal counter at the bottom of my posts like I have seen in other people's writing. Can anybody tell me where/how to create one?

Thank you for reading this far, if you have. I hope this is the beginning of a change for me.
 
hey there and welcome to your diary and the changes in your life.
did i ever felt that way? hell yes. and this place definitely helped me get certain emotions, ideas out in the open. first here, but then also with my friends, and to a certain extent with my family.
i had both ups and downs. there are times when you will want to quit, when you will cheat, and when you will feel like a failure. but when you see the scale moving, when you eat the right way, when you wake up and you're not bloated, when climbing stairs, walking fast, even running becomes 'normal' i tell you it is the most beautiful feeling in the world.
i slipped up non the less, but i'm back to doing it again. because no pizza can give me that flying feeling that lasted for months :D
and write here, even if noone is answering at first. eventually someone will. visit other people's diaries. this place is about support...both giving and receiving :)

here for ya
Lena
 
Welcome!!!

I'm just starting (over) too. And yes, I know *exactly* how you feel. And it is tough. Especially at first. But I'm hoping it gets easier.

I can tell you that you're doing the right thing, but I'm sure you already know that. So just keep your chin up, ok?

And if you need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a message. I can't promise I'll always know the right answers, but I will always listen or offer a shoulder if you need it ;)

~? Jess
 
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