A story about a diamond in the rough...

Jewels

Jewels

New member
O.k., a couple of things have brought me here. First, as I mentioned in a previous thread, the fact that I have lost my confidence and gained a tremendous amount of insecurity. Because of this I have become a miserable person to be around. I pick fights, am nasty and start arguments BECAUSE I don't like how I look. Pretty lame eh? I think so. I'm making an effort to over ride this behaviour but I know that I need to make some physical changes to ensure this behaviour does not return.
The other thing that brought me here is how I feel. I hate, that at 26 years old, I get out of breath from walking. That's not normal for my age. This was a big indication that something was very wrong with my physical state.
Today I am 227lbs. The heaviest I have ever been. And while I am relatively tall for a woman at 5'8 and have a large frame which allows me to appear much thinner than I actually am, it is how I feel that concerns me. I hate how my stomach jiggles, I hate how nothing fits me correctly, I hate how my body feels when I bend over because the fat gets in the way. Which is why I want to lose 77lbs. My goal weight is 150lbs and I'm hoping to achieve that by next summer. I've never had to lose this much weight before so I don't know if that is a realistic time frame. On my ticker you will notice that my goal is currently 27lbs. I'm breaking down my over all goal in to smaller goals so I don't feel as overwhelmed. My current goal is to be 200lbs by Christmas.
I know my big problem is that I eat crap. I'm a junk food junkie. I like fast food, pizza, french fries and cheese. I really need to overhaul my diet which will help me lose weight. I'm starting the weightloss4idiots diet on the 15th of this month and until then I"m making changes to my diet. More veggies, fruit. Less pasta and cheese. I love pasta but my portions are way too large. Sometime I eat pasta 2 or 3 times a day. Not good, I know. But that's why I'm here.
I needed support, somewhere I could be relatively anonymous and talk about how I really feel. My boyfriend has been wonderful. He has offered support by suggesting healthier meals but I don't want to talk to him about my weight in depth because it seems like an admission of failure. In my twisted little mind, I feel like if I don't talk to him about it he won't notice lol. I basically just need a place where I'm accountable for my weight loss so that is why I started this diary and am doing the weight loss table. This site is great. Offering a ton of support, the anonymity that I want while balancing a certain level of accountability.
So here's to a healthier you and a healthier me!
 
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Congrats on your new start and new attitude! You have come to the right place lots of support here. We can do this-together! Good luck girl.
 
Thanks for your reply! This site had already helped give me some strength to do this. A problem I am facing right now is living with my parents and my Dad does all of the cooking. He's a fabulous cook but uses a lot of fats, oils, cheese and sauces. How do you stick with a diet when someone else does the cooking? As of November 1st I'll be living with my boyfriend so sticking to a diet won't be a problem then.

But as I mentioned I'm starting the weightloss4idiots diet on the 15th. Is it rude of me to ask that he doesn't cook for me anymore? I'm on the fence with this one. He has mentioned that I've gained weight and is concerned about my health so maybe he'll understand but he LOVES to cook for his family so I just hope it won't hurt him.
 
Jewels said:
Thanks for your reply! This site had already helped give me some strength to do this. A problem I am facing right now is living with my parents and my Dad does all of the cooking. He's a fabulous cook but uses a lot of fats, oils, cheese and sauces. How do you stick with a diet when someone else does the cooking? As of November 1st I'll be living with my boyfriend so sticking to a diet won't be a problem then.

But as I mentioned I'm starting the weightloss4idiots diet on the 15th. Is it rude of me to ask that he doesn't cook for me anymore? I'm on the fence with this one. He has mentioned that I've gained weight and is concerned about my health so maybe he'll understand but he LOVES to cook for his family so I just hope it won't hurt him.
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Be frank and tell him about your plans and he will support you whole heartedly as parents will be always concerned about their child's welfare.
 
Welcome to the forum and journaling.

First, you look stunning. Overweight or not, that doesn't take away from the fact that you are beautiful.

Second, it seems as if you know this, but you need to focus on changing the way you think just as much as you need to change the way you act. Instead of focusing on the things you don't want, instead, focus on the things you DO want. And why you want them. Try and get as much positive emotion built up to back your positive action.

I find far too many people think about the negatives all the time. By doing this, all you are doing is programming your mind to work against you.

Third, wrt your father's cooking. I'm sure he'll understand. Explain to him that you want to lose weight and why you want to. A father, from what I hear anyway, can tell when his daughter is hurting. Is he overweight? Maybe he can change his ways too. As much as people hate to admit it.... cooking fantastically tasty meals that are healthy is possible.

Lastly, what are you going to do in terms of exercise, if any?
 
Hey Jewel,
like you I am fighting weight (even though I weigh less, I have increased my weight from 99 pounds 4 years ago to 150 this year so I put on half of my initial body weight!) and my negativity, my feeling frustrated with the world.

I am also trying to cut out food I don't really need, but it is easier when I cook for myself. I think that including your boyfriend in this will strengthen your relationship and you are not a failure. You are a star for wanting to change your ways!
My boyfriend has been excellent through the getting fat part and I am sure he will be great in the getting slim part as well. Having him there when my world came tumbling down really helped me. He told me the other day, I think you are already getting thinner (even though I put on 2 ppounds instead of losing them ;))!

I think you should talk to your dad like Steve suggested! I think any dad would be proud for his daughter to want to change. And you can always eat a bit of what they eat. Like if they eat steak, have a quarter instead of a whole one. I don't know if this is complete rubbish I am saying, but it helps me to try something. Then my body doesn't crave it anymore!

Have a great time, love, Cat
 
Hi Jewels,

I know what you mean when you talk about your father's cooking. It's like when I visit my folks. My mother is always telling me that she prays every night that I'll lose weight so I don't drop dead from a heart attack. OK, that's all fine and dandy, but then she makes coffee and breaks out the cakes and cookies. Are you for-freaking-real? I finally had to tell her that she can pray all she wants but trying to feed me flour and sugar and fat negates the prayer.

It's tough. It almost seems like everyone is trying to sabotage your efforts, but hang in there. Make the necessary changes. Have pasta and pizza on occasion, but make it whole wheat pasta or pizza dough. Have low fat cheese. Load up on veggies. Eat fruit. Eat fibre. And don't forget to exercise.

Just FYI, in a day I typically eat:

Breakfast - a bowl of vanilla mini wheats with 1% milk (it has sugar in it, but it also has tons of fibre and no sodium. Probably the healthiest cereal out there that actually tastes good.)

Lunch - spinach salad with chick peas for protein, tomato, red pepper, baby carrots, diced sweet onion with a raspberry vinaigrette or mandarin & sesame dressing.

Dinner - some form of protein (grilled salmon, chicken, lean pork or beef), brown rice, broccoli or some other fresh vegetable. One night a week I'll just have whole wheat pasta with sauce and low fat cheese.

Throughout the day I'll have a few snacks consisting of fat free Silhouette yogurt, an apple, a mixture of unsalted almonds, raisins and dried blueberries (about 1/2 cup total).

A trick with me is that I try to not eat after 8:00 pm. I find if I eat later in the evening I have a hard time sleeping. The biggest thing though, is I'm on the treadmill for one hour every morning. But you could just as easily go for a brisk walk. That's what I did for a few months.

And get support. Don't shut your boyfriend out either. Discuss this with him. I'm sure he doesn't see you as a failure at all. Odds are he cares deeply for you and wants you to reach your goals. Discuss the good times and the bad times with him. That's what intimacy in a relationship is all about.

Getting off my soapbox now...
cheers
dave
 
Well, again, thanks to everyone for your support and to Steve for the ego boost!

It's overwhelming figuring out what to do. I mean yes, it comes down to making smarter eating choices and excersizing but within that simple fact are so many things to think about. I've read so many articles over the past few days that suggest you should do low impact work out to body fat and that high impact is to tone and build muscle and that it won't help you lose body fat. I've also read articles that suggest that you should eat x amount of calories for your current body weight and subtract x from that total, or to eat at these times of the day or have this amount of time between your meals. How are you supposed to know what you should do?
That was probably the most naive question I could ask but beyond exercise and eating right is that something more I should be doing? I mean why are there all of these documents that suggest so many different things? Yeah I get every body is different and everyone loses weight differently but really when you're overweight swimming in a sea of "advice" trying desperately to loose those first few pounds which way should you be swimming?
 
I highly suggest reading through the stickies at the top of the various sub-forums here. If you still have questions hit us up.

If you don't have the time, I'll gladly answer some of your more specific questions.
 
Well it looks like you guys were right. Everyone has been positively receptive to me and wanting to become healthier. My Dad isn't going to be offended if I don't eat certain things that he makes and I'm going to be doing a lot more cooking for myself and I'm only living with my parents for a few more weeks anyway. I was mostly surprised with how very concerned my Dad was very my health. He mentioned it before but he went really in depth about how his diet, lifestyle and stress effected his health. He has had a couple of heart attacks in the past few years, the first one very major and he doesn't want to see me go down that path either, obviously. Our discussion did make him realize that there are still some changes he can make to his diet to further help his health.

The boyfriend was very supportive as well. He FINALLY admitted, that yes I have gotten a "little" bigger since we started dating but wouldn't call me fat, lol that's nice of him. I honestly don't think he realizes how much weight I have gained since we started dating but I have always been lucky with how I carry weight. I easily look 20-30lbs smaller than I actually am. Anyway, I appreciate his honesty very much actually. I pointed out to him that if he doesn't alert me when I'm getting big then he is the one who will be seen with a fat girlfriend. I was mostly joking. But seriously, he was so supportive and confided that he felt he was getting a gut that he was very unhappy with. We discussed what we could do together and separately to become healthier.

I'm realizing more and more that this isn't about how I look, it is about how I feel. Sure, I can't wait to fit in to a cute pair of jeans and wear nice outfits again but I'm just really fed up with being out of breath and have my heart rate increase over little things that shouldn't be effecting me in that way. I'm becoming more and more conscious of what I eat. I started using the fitday site and that is really helping me to feel accountable for what I'm putting in my body.

So thanks again to everyone for encouraging me to find support closer to home, it has and will help.
 
I'm most hungry in the morning. I feel that I could easily switch my meals i.e. dinner sized portion when I wake up and breakfast portion at dinner time. Is there any reason why I shouldn't do this? I find if I eat a "regular" breakfast then I am still very hungry about 30-60 minutes later. Is there any harm in eating a large portion of your calories early in the day?
 
Jewels,

Great starting attitude you have im sure you will crush your goal! And its really cool that you have so much support on the home front that must make things a lot nicer. Here's to you and your journey I'll be interested to see updates as you go along! Have great day today!
 
Thanks, Requiem! I'm debating whether or not I"m going to post before a.k.a. current photos but I may wait until I've lost a few pounds.


Anyway, I'm semi confused. Forgive me if there is a clear explain of this somewhere on the forum and if there is please provide a link. I've been reading through the stickies and trying to gather as much information as I can but I'm a little fuzzy. According to the BMR calculator that I find linked in someone's post mine is 1839.85 (I can't believe I eat that much!). So am I supposed to continue eating that much to sustain my body's basic functions while doing cardio and weight training to lose weight? Or am I supposed to cut a few hundred calories from that total on top of cardio and weight training? I'm confused because I read in one of the posts that the BMR is what your body needs to function? Did I read that wrong? Obviously I don't want my body to go in to starvation mode or cause any harm by not eating enough so I'm just a bit confused. Can someone point me in the right direction for clarification on that please? Second question, weight training combined with cardio when losing weight is to maintain current muscle mass? I just want to make sure I have things straight in my head and that I'm understanding correctly. I'm sure this has been covered a thousand times on here.

I have been eating a lot better since joining the forum. More protein like eggs, fish and chicken. More vegetables and fruit. I did have pasta for dinner yesterday and I don't feel bad about it. I had half the portion I normally would have, no bread with it and I made sure I didn't have any other carb heavy meals through out the day. I don't think I can give up pasta completely, well at least not yet and I'm sure that's going to be frowned upon but I don't think it would be smart for me to completely cut out all of the bad things at once. I'm going to move to bran pasta as well. I've noticed that my alertness is up. I'm feeling less tired during the day and I'm loving that. A couple of weeks ago it was very common for me to hit a wall for a few hours in the afternoon but in the last couple of days that has been diminishing.
 
Jewels said:
I'm debating whether or not I"m going to post before a.k.a. current photos but I may wait until I've lost a few pounds.
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Whether you post them or not, just make sure you take them!

Anyway, I'm semi confused. Forgive me if there is a clear explain of this somewhere on the forum and if there is please provide a link. I've been reading through the stickies and trying to gather as much information as I can but I'm a little fuzzy.
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I think it's great that you are taking the time to educate yourself. I'll send a warning to you to NOT get caught up in all the minutia to the point that you fear action.

I see this happening to a lot of people. There is such a flood of information out there today, thankfully a lot of good information in this particular forum, but good or bad..... paralysis by analysis is never a good thing.

When you break this lifestyle down to its core components, you're left with a rather simple model. Eat less and move more. There is certainly context that needs to be coupled with this concept, but that you'll learn as you go.

According to the BMR calculator that I find linked in someone's post mine is 1839.85 (I can't believe I eat that much!).
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1800 sounds about right.

Why does that seem like a lot to you?

So am I supposed to continue eating that much to sustain my body's basic functions while doing cardio and weight training to lose weight? Or am I supposed to cut a few hundred calories from that total on top of cardio and weight training?
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I wouldn't work off of your BMR. Instead, I'd work off of your maintenance caloric intake.

Maintenance is the point where energy from food ingestion = energy expended each day, resulting in a net break-even in terms of weight gained or lost.

Makes sense?

This can be found using a ton of different methods.

There are a bunch of calculators on-line for it. Here is one:



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Or you could use something like the HB formula to find your estimated BMR, which is:

Women: BMR = 655 + (9.6 X wt in kg) + (1.8 X ht in cm) - (4.7 X age in years)

There are 2.54 cm in one inch. There are 2.2 lbs in one kg.

Once you determine your BMR from the above equations, you need to multiply it be an activity factor. BMR is comprised of the energy you expend at rest, doing things such as breathing, digesting, circulation, etc. Obviously, if we are calculating maintenance, we need to add in the energy we expend moving around, working, exercising, etc.

Hence, you have the following activity factors, which can be modified:

Sedentary = BMR X 1.2 (little or no exercise, desk job)

Lightly active = BMR X 1.375 (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/wk)

Mod. active = BMR X 1.55 (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/wk)

Very active = BMR X 1.725 (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days/wk)

Extr. Active = BMR X 1.9 (hard daily exercise/sports & physical job or
2 X day training, marathon, football camp,

You can use one of these factors, or anything in between. For instance, if you were somewhere between lightly and moderately active, you could use 1.45 or so.

Multiplying your BMR from the HB equation with the activity factor will give you your maintenance calories.

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Or, you could be very simplistic, which I prefer actually, and assume maintenance is 13 calories per pound. In all actuality, the numbers you'll see most often is 14-16 calories per pound. But the more fat you are carrying, the more 'off' these numbers will be.

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Whatever you choose, realize that they are all merely estimates. And being anal about these numbers is only going to give you a headache. I think a lot of people get trapped in the mindset that metabolism is a static, unchanging part of physiology. It's not. Quite the contrary actually, it's very dynamic to the environment you place your body in.... have it be extreme temperatures, dieting, etc. With that said, it's stupid to work rigorously in determining your maintenance intake. Just guestimate.

And it's not like you are signing a contract! Once you pick your intake, take your measurements every 2 weeks or so and adjust accordingly. By measurements, I mean pictures, weight, tape measurements, etc. If, at each periodic 'check up' things haven't gone the direction you had hoped, simply modify your approach. Or come here and ask for help and you'll get it.

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One last thing I forgot:

Once you determine your maintenance, how much should you subtract from that?

It really depends on many things. How much fat do you have to lose? How is your hunger? Etc.

A general rule of thumb would be to subtract 10-30% for starters. However, the more fat you have to lose, the more aggressive you can be in your deficit. The most I'd suggest is 50% off of maintenance. And remember, a deficit is created by eating less food, increasing your expenditure via exercise, or a combo of the both.

I'm confused because I read in one of the posts that the BMR is what your body needs to function? Did I read that wrong?
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Nope, you read right.

Obviously I don't want my body to go in to starvation mode or cause any harm by not eating enough so I'm just a bit confused.
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Don't be too concerned about the 'starvation mode' at this point.

Second question, weight training combined with cardio when losing weight is to maintain current muscle mass?
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The cardio is used partly as a calorie 'bank.' Without the cardio thrown into the mix, you'd have to eat even less food while dieting. In a nutshell, the optimal approach to successful, long-term dieting is to set up an environment where you are eating as much as possible while still consistently losing weight. The cardio 'bank' analogy aids this concept.

Also, cardio is good for you in general. Conditioning the heart and cardio-respiratory system has never hurt :p

The weight lifting serves a few functions, but yet, preservation of muscle is one of the primary ones.

It's also a nice chunk to add to calorie expenditure!
 
wow such a long post by Steve but good lord it had a bunch of good stuff in there! I read the whole thing lol.

Anyway I don't think you need to worry yourself about giving up pasta. You said yourself you had a much smaller portion of it. When I went on the Redmond to Spokane Bike ride here in Washington a few years back, its like 300 miles or something to that effect, anyway pasta was a staple because of the massive amount of cardio I was doing. So if my thinking is right you can do pasta still and not feel bad but to make yourself feel a bit better about eating it why not set up in advance a heavy workout day and cap taht night off with a nice pasta dinner? That would make it kind of balance I would think.

Anyway keep up the good work!

~Travis
 
Wow, thanks for the post Steve. Tremendously helpful.

I think I get it. I'm not really concerned with numbers or what the scale says it more about how I feel but it is interesting to know and a great way to track your progress. I'm surprised that my maintenance number is quite a bit higher than my BMR. My maintenance number is 2357, I'll start small maybe twenty percent off of that which is about 471 calories.

I'm not really sure why I thought 1800 was high. I guess part of that is being uneducated and being lead to believe that a woman only needs about 1200-1400 calories per day. It just sounds like a lot but I mean, I am heavier so the number would obviously be higher.

Anyway, thanks a lot for taking the time to explain all of that to me. I really appreciate it. You're making everything really easy to understand which is helping me get my head around everything and understand how to finally lose weight the right way.
 
Quite welcome, and anytime. I dont make it into journals very much. However, if you ever have questions, please feel free to swing by my journal.
 
What a busy weekend. I have two jobs. For full-time employment I am a Marketing Director for an art gallery and part time I work at a lingerie store. I worked at the lingerie store while going to school and I just love it so I haven't been able to give it up. That does mean that I work, a lot. I'll do 14 hour days a few times a week when I have to work at both places and often all weekend long as well. This was one of those weekends. Anyway, working in the mall does offer a certain level of temptation because of the deliciously greasy mall food and how quick and convenient is it to grab lunch there. I promised myself I wouldn't have mall food this weekend and that I would bring my lunch with me. I was successful with this on Saturday and felt great. I noticed I remained energized through out my shift because I didn't have grease slowing me down. Sunday I woke up late and was telling myself that I would just grab soup from Tim Horton's. Knowing myself, if I had not brought a lunch I would have convinced myself that having french fries would have been ok because I was running around the store all day so I forced myself to pack a lunch and I was so happy that I had. I kept my promise to myself.

I know it's a big deal but I feel like these small victories are going to keep me motivated and really make a difference in my effort to a long life change.

I'm starting at the gym, again, this week too and I'm really excited about that. In the past I have always loved how I felt AFTER a work out. Getting there is half the battle for me but I feel really motivated.
 
It's easy to fall when you take giant leaps. Unfortunately that is what most try. And that is why most fail.

Small, consistent steps add up to distances just as great. However, they are much safer and more maintainable.

Your line of reasoning is good, and congrats! :)
 
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