A New Journey
- Thread starter Deelpage
- Start date
Deelpage
New member
As my day comes to an end - sit and contemplate what I want from this "weight loss diary." It will be a place that I will vent my successes and failures and to capture those moments worth keeping. And of course hopefully gain alot of insight in this journey - for as someone one said "this is a journey not a destination."
Like so many this is not my first rodeo - I could go on about my "fat" genetics but its all bullshit - I was raised in a family that cared more about their careers than their health and who were/are too lazy to do anything about it. I'm lazy and I know it - no use to blaming my fat self on anything else, I am a product of myself.
There are many "I used to's" in my past that make me very disappointed in myself. I used to run, I used to lift, I used to eat healthy, I used to be fit, I used to like my reflection, I used to….. When did all that happen? Its frustrating to think of where I once was and where I am now and how I promised myself I would never be at this point again in my life and yet here I am… Fat, unhealthy, and miserable.
Enough of the sob story; heres the scoop. I graduated college in 2010 in the best shape of my life, newly engaged to the man of my dreams and about to move to the east coast to start our lives together. Reflecting back now, the past 6 years have been some of the most trying of my adult life. Less than a year after the move I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and learned what chronic pain was – my body comp slowly began to change as I not only lost mobility but became extremely depressed. I fought to try to keep myself motivated to stay active and eat healthy but as my health deteriorated the rest of my life began to crumble around me.
I finally had moment of change came when I found myself in a very dark place and decided that life was simply too short to be so miserable. – My divorce was finalized last July and I walked away with nothing but debt and hope. I moved back to the west coast and started over.
So here I am – divorced, but happy. Thriving in my career and standing on my own two feet for the first time in my life. I really should have no complaints – but with all the changes and stress I’ve endured over the last 6 years… my body has taken the toll and been seriously neglected. I’m a solid 50 maybe 60 pounds heavier than I was 6 years ago and completely and utterly disgusted with myself…
I have many failed attempts to reach my pre-move body – realizing that my mind and heart were simply not in it – my “why” hasn’t been strong enough to evoke action or thought on a daily basis. Of course I’m reminded every time I catch my reflection of how far I’ve let myself go….but that alone is not enough to evoke change.. not for me at least.
Its been a long time coming for me to finally take this path. I know where my faults are and I know where my strengths are and I know where I am going.... as today is “technically” day one, I don’t’ see it that way… its just another day but one in which I have chosen to make better decisions and changes to my thoughts and actions pertaining to my health and fitness. I’m not starting some crazy fad diet or extreme exercise plan, but rather being mindful of what I’m consuming and choosing to move more.
I will be tracking my workouts, weight, and progress through pics and my clothes… and of course will set goals for myself as I have soo many to accomplish…. The ultimate goal is to never be in this place again… to enjoy a fit and active lifestyle that has no restrictions… I know it can be done, I lived it once… and I will live it again…..
Like so many this is not my first rodeo - I could go on about my "fat" genetics but its all bullshit - I was raised in a family that cared more about their careers than their health and who were/are too lazy to do anything about it. I'm lazy and I know it - no use to blaming my fat self on anything else, I am a product of myself.
There are many "I used to's" in my past that make me very disappointed in myself. I used to run, I used to lift, I used to eat healthy, I used to be fit, I used to like my reflection, I used to….. When did all that happen? Its frustrating to think of where I once was and where I am now and how I promised myself I would never be at this point again in my life and yet here I am… Fat, unhealthy, and miserable.
Enough of the sob story; heres the scoop. I graduated college in 2010 in the best shape of my life, newly engaged to the man of my dreams and about to move to the east coast to start our lives together. Reflecting back now, the past 6 years have been some of the most trying of my adult life. Less than a year after the move I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and learned what chronic pain was – my body comp slowly began to change as I not only lost mobility but became extremely depressed. I fought to try to keep myself motivated to stay active and eat healthy but as my health deteriorated the rest of my life began to crumble around me.
I finally had moment of change came when I found myself in a very dark place and decided that life was simply too short to be so miserable. – My divorce was finalized last July and I walked away with nothing but debt and hope. I moved back to the west coast and started over.
So here I am – divorced, but happy. Thriving in my career and standing on my own two feet for the first time in my life. I really should have no complaints – but with all the changes and stress I’ve endured over the last 6 years… my body has taken the toll and been seriously neglected. I’m a solid 50 maybe 60 pounds heavier than I was 6 years ago and completely and utterly disgusted with myself…
I have many failed attempts to reach my pre-move body – realizing that my mind and heart were simply not in it – my “why” hasn’t been strong enough to evoke action or thought on a daily basis. Of course I’m reminded every time I catch my reflection of how far I’ve let myself go….but that alone is not enough to evoke change.. not for me at least.
Its been a long time coming for me to finally take this path. I know where my faults are and I know where my strengths are and I know where I am going.... as today is “technically” day one, I don’t’ see it that way… its just another day but one in which I have chosen to make better decisions and changes to my thoughts and actions pertaining to my health and fitness. I’m not starting some crazy fad diet or extreme exercise plan, but rather being mindful of what I’m consuming and choosing to move more.
I will be tracking my workouts, weight, and progress through pics and my clothes… and of course will set goals for myself as I have soo many to accomplish…. The ultimate goal is to never be in this place again… to enjoy a fit and active lifestyle that has no restrictions… I know it can be done, I lived it once… and I will live it again…..
Deelpage
New member
I just want to get down a few goals I have in mind. I'm in no rush but also feel like giving myself some kind of deadline will give structure to said goals.
1. Be a runner again
2. Be a size 4-6
3. Lift heavy things often
4. Possibly compete
5. Learn to Latin dance
6. Find true happiness no matter what I look like
In the next 30 days my goal is to run a 5k in 35 mins pain free - I ran 2 half marathons in 2014 that took a huge toll on my body - having RA makes exercise a little challenging but totally do able. I've learned to really listen to my body and know when to back off.
Run schedule will be 3-4 days of EZ walk runs until I get my groove back.
I'm going to lift 3-4 times a week also - likely full body work outs until I get at least 25 pounds off, then I'll switch to a split schedule.
I also want to incorporate active rest days - biking, hiking, or swimming with very few couch days.
Nutrition wise is the struggle - my metabolism i wrecked from not eating. The goal is to prep meals and eat every 2-3 hours (mimic carb cycling). I already have a reminder on my work calendar that helps. But sometimes I can't get away from my desk long enough to pee let alone stuff food in my face. And there are plenty of nights that a couple glasses of wine replace actual food. That does need to stop... I consume far to many alcoholic calories on a weekly basis that I have no doubt plays a role in my weight gain.
The overall idea is to slowly alter my current lifestyle. Taking steps each day to reach it. Of course I want fast results and to be fit and confident now but I have to be patient and give myself time. Patience is NOT my strong suit but it's going to have to be.
1. Be a runner again
2. Be a size 4-6
3. Lift heavy things often
4. Possibly compete
5. Learn to Latin dance
6. Find true happiness no matter what I look like
In the next 30 days my goal is to run a 5k in 35 mins pain free - I ran 2 half marathons in 2014 that took a huge toll on my body - having RA makes exercise a little challenging but totally do able. I've learned to really listen to my body and know when to back off.
Run schedule will be 3-4 days of EZ walk runs until I get my groove back.
I'm going to lift 3-4 times a week also - likely full body work outs until I get at least 25 pounds off, then I'll switch to a split schedule.
I also want to incorporate active rest days - biking, hiking, or swimming with very few couch days.
Nutrition wise is the struggle - my metabolism i wrecked from not eating. The goal is to prep meals and eat every 2-3 hours (mimic carb cycling). I already have a reminder on my work calendar that helps. But sometimes I can't get away from my desk long enough to pee let alone stuff food in my face. And there are plenty of nights that a couple glasses of wine replace actual food. That does need to stop... I consume far to many alcoholic calories on a weekly basis that I have no doubt plays a role in my weight gain.
The overall idea is to slowly alter my current lifestyle. Taking steps each day to reach it. Of course I want fast results and to be fit and confident now but I have to be patient and give myself time. Patience is NOT my strong suit but it's going to have to be.
Cate
Long term member
I'm sure you will achieve what you set your mind to. I like your attitude & your analysis of how you got to be where you are now. I will follow your progress with interest. It seems that you have your plan sorted out. This is a friendly supportive forum & you should find any moral support you need. Cheers, Cate.
Deelpage
New member
Thank you Cate. I appreciate the support.
Deelpage
New member
As I laced up my running shoes this morning I thought about the journey I've had with them and where they are about to take me. I know my path is going to be tough which is why I've shyed away for so long. I was afraid to face the fact that I was truly starting over. But given I started my entire life over (new city, new apartment, new job) it only makes sense for my fitness to start over.
The thought of starting over is disappointing to say the least - but it's time to stop wollowing in it, pull up my big girl pants and get work done.
My run this morning was surprising. I ran about a mile nonstop, no pain, it wasn't "hard" I wasn't struggling for breath and my legs felt like they could carry me for miles. Any runner knows that feeling of floating with ease over the path. I wasnt expecting this - not so soon, but I'm glad for it. It was a little reassurance that possibly not all is lost.
I needed it this morning as I have a very busy day ahead of me at work. My work week is Thursday to Monday and the workload is heavy today. I know I won't get a break for lunch, but I have mine packed and I'll keep my water bottle handy to stay hydrated. And I see an afternoon monster zero happening around 3. Planning is going to be key!
Off to the trenches I go.
The thought of starting over is disappointing to say the least - but it's time to stop wollowing in it, pull up my big girl pants and get work done.
My run this morning was surprising. I ran about a mile nonstop, no pain, it wasn't "hard" I wasn't struggling for breath and my legs felt like they could carry me for miles. Any runner knows that feeling of floating with ease over the path. I wasnt expecting this - not so soon, but I'm glad for it. It was a little reassurance that possibly not all is lost.
I needed it this morning as I have a very busy day ahead of me at work. My work week is Thursday to Monday and the workload is heavy today. I know I won't get a break for lunch, but I have mine packed and I'll keep my water bottle handy to stay hydrated. And I see an afternoon monster zero happening around 3. Planning is going to be key!
Off to the trenches I go.
Deelpage
New member
All is never lost. You have proven that you can make major changes. I'm confident that you will succeed in this as well
Thank you Cate. All is not lost the body and mind remembers. There will be both failures and successes - I just hope my success outweighs my failures.
Deelpage
New member
Thank you. And I agree the other option is to continue to be miserable and I'm all set with that.
Deelpage
New member
I've had a very trying day at work and the norm would be to come home pour myself a drink and flop on the couch. My head is pounding and I want nothing more than just that.
But I'm not going down that road tonight. I'm letting my head settle to clear my headache and getting UP!
That is all...
But I'm not going down that road tonight. I'm letting my head settle to clear my headache and getting UP!
That is all...