A Nerd Girl's Quest

brutal&tattooed

brutal&tattooed

New member
Let me introduce myself.
My name is Brittany and I'm about to enter college.
I am roughly 5'8" and I weigh 215 lbs. My BMI is lower than what any calculator entails because, due to prolonged sports activities, I am quite the muscular person. I have thick thighs and nice biceps. I also carry a bit of weight in my breasts and butt, however my midsection is the storage unit for evil fat.

My ideal weight is not a weight...just a sense of self-confidence...but if I have to choose I would like to be around 160 or 170. Keep in mind I am not the average woman. I wish to tone up my arms and legs, while downsizing my midsection into a more feminine shape. I want just a little meat on my bones, a bit like a pin-up girl.

I would like to be around 190 by Christmas..hitting under 200 would bring tears of joy to my eyes. I just want to lose this weight to be more comfortable sitting down, to have less insulation so I don't sweat as much in the summer, and to just be more confident in the clothes I wear (as of now, my clothing options are a bit limited)

So far my main obsticles have been lack of access to healthy food. I rely on my parents to bring home the healthy food, which doesn't happen often. I also do not have much access to exercise other than my bicycle and floor crunches..but I have my limits.
This past year I sustained two major injuries. My ankle is unstable and still healing, therefore even just jogging for more than a few minutes takes its toll. The other is my shoulder...it limits me in movement and makes it difficult to put much weight on my right arm.

i believe that the facilities and opportunities at Radford University can solve my problem. The eating facility has an large variety of healthy food, and an awesome salad bar :D Good thing I like low calorie Italian dressing. The exercise facilities are amazing. Not only will I be walking around campus all day, but I'll be able to actually ride my bike without fear of being run over by a truck and I will have access to an olympic size swimming pool (yay low impact cardio). I will also be surrounded by encouraging peers, I already have at least 2 work out buddies lined up (my best friend and my roomate)

I know the salads will help, because a few summers ago I ate a LOT of salad and I lost almost 30 lbs in 2 months. WOAH. I was also involved at the time in a travel softball team and a weight lifting program through summer gym.

I need to learn how to control what I eat when I go out with my boyfriend (which is atleast twice if not three times a week). Once I'm off at college, I doubt we will eat out this much, and his new apartment will allow me to actually cook :D yay.

I have some favorites that could lead to my downfall.
1) REALLY EXTRA Sweet Tea (i am from the south)
2) Mayonaisse (i use that stuff like ketchup)
3) cream cheese (i love dairy :D)

I usually only drink sweet tea and eat cream cheese at me mum's house, so that will go away once I'm at college. It'll be all water and crystal light for me there!...but mayo is still a problem. Its like 80 calories a teaspoon! Luckily, I saw a commercial for Mayo made with olive oil, so it's less fat and calories :D

Eating smaller portions I think will help me, and keeping busy will keep me from bored eating. I'm not a fan of chocolate, so that is not a problem.

Now, I just have to keep in mind--One day, one meal, one pound at a time.
If I don't boost my self-confidence, I may lose my boyfriend. Too many nights I have cried to him about how I hate my body, even though he loves it.

That's all for now. All suggestions are welcome :D

Peace, love, & stay brutal
 
*takes a deep breath*
Well, it's been interesting.
I stayed up pretty late last night talking to one of my best friends. But I was SO proud of myself. I ate dinner around 7:30pm, and I went to bed at around 3am or something--without snacking at all.
I will admit I had a glass or two of sweet tea, and a piece of gum..but I think that's awesome.

When I woke up today I took a shower, and I didn't feel like crying when I looked into the mirror. My stomach just seemed a bit tighter today, and I feel less tired. I walked into the kitchen to decide what I would eat...I woke up kinda late today, so I'll only be eating once more before I go to bed tonight. I looked at a bagel, cottage cheese, soup, oatmeal, a banana nut muffin...but I just decided on some Honey Bunches of Oats cereal. I ate a double serving according to the box, which was only around 300 calories including the milk. I actually measured everything out too. But I'm already feeling hungry again. I think I should go drink a few glasses of water. During sports season, I know when I drink lots of water in a shorter period of time I don't feel hungry. It also sucks that the only food in the kitchen is high carb and high calorie. That cereal included like a TON of my daily percentage of carbs. So maybe for dinner I'll grill a piece of chicken and have some green veggies with water. And I have to refrain from smothering the chicken in honey mustard or something. I believe condiments have led to my downfall so far.

But I know this week isn't going to get any easier. For the next few days I just get to lounge around in my pjs, cleaning and organizing for the big move to college--but Thursday I have to put on real clothes again and go out. I have to walk into my boyfriend's house and look at a perfectly gorgeous human being that looks wonderful in ratty old shorts and a dirty tshirt..he doesn't even have to brush his hair! Now don't gasp, I don't want to be beautiful just for him...but I think it would make things fair for him to think i'm absolutely gorgeous in anything and for other ppl to agree with him (he loves my body but i think other people wonder why he's with me) Another thing is, we're around the same height...well he has 4 inches on me but he doesn't stand up completely around me. I'm a tall girl, so the heavier I am the bigger I look. I have shorter friends who have about as much fat on them as me, but they look smaller, b/c they are just shorter.

If you haven't noticed..I tend to ramble. My boyfriend wanted me to talk to someone about my issues, but I didn't want to. I guess this is the easy way out, but in a way its not. If no one listens or talks to me, then this isn't really worth anything.

A few days ago, we went to Blacksburg (where Virginia Tech is) to look at this apartment he's moving into...and I changed about 50 times before I went over. I put on a girly tank top, I put on another cute girly shirt, i put on a girly tshirt...i put on capris, shorts, skirts..and what did I walk out of the house in? Flipflops, jeans that are a little baggy, and a black tshirt. I know, so eventful right? Now my bf says I'm one of the only girls he knows that looks great in jeans and a tshirt, but I know thats at the expense of not looking good in anything else! I want to be able to put on a cute dress and make people look at me because I'm pretty, not b/c i'm too fat to be wearing something like that. I want guys to wish they were my boyfriend...like I know some girls wish they were me because my boyfriend is so beautiful. I have no clue how I got him, but I am grateful...I just want to make it easier for him to love me. I just can't believe him when he says he loves my tummy...I know he means it when he says he likes my other female features..I'm curvy..but with a tummy. Thats all I want is to have a smoother tummy. I love my curves, but they could use some toning up...Its just so frustrating without the right resources...

The fact that my classes start later than everyone else I know kills me. All I want is to be in college, with access to the right food and exercise, and support. But there will be some down sides to college...all the beautiful skinny people. *sigh*
I'm so hungry right now...I think I'm going to get off of here and go clean or list (one of my compulsive habits).

It'd also be nice if some people would post replies...tell me what they think I'm doing wrong or right.

Peace, love, and stay brutal.
 
If no one listens or talks to me, then this isn't really worth anything.
Click to expand...
It's worth a lot becuase it's your thoughts... at the current time... it's alwaysinteresting to go back later adn read about where you were... and how things have changed...

sounds like you're going to be embarkig on a great adventure heading off to school - have fun...

WHile you think you'll have access to the right foods at college, you'll also have access to pizza 24 hours a day, beer 24 hours a day and other fun stuff... allocate for fun in your plan as well - all vegetables all the time don't make for the greatest college experience.. you'r ethis age but once... enjoy it :D
 
Well it seems to me that you are on the right track, however you need to stop hating yourself and believe your boyfriend when he tells you your beautiful!!! Because damnit woman you are!!! And I know its hard to see that and hard to believe but in time you will.

You might try tracking your calories on one of the free websites like fitday... and there are others just google it. That will give you a realistic look at where you stand.

I'm not going to lie to you... the first semester of college is brutal... in all aspects. And having low self esteem doesnt help because yes there are going to be TONS of gorgeous girls running around in cute little outfits and bleh.. its distructive to someone who is always wondering why her boyfriend is with her and not someone better looking.... I know this because I was that girl and yes I still hate walking around campus and seeing those ladies all cute... but ya know jeans and T's are sexy in their own right!!

My advice is to be positive and stay motivated! Especially with your first semester coming up, there are going to be plenty of distractions that can take you right off track before you know it.... But I have hight hopes for you... Be strong lady!!!

I look forward to your progress!!

Cheers,
MissD
 
MissD and Malificent thanks SO much for your comments.

I am tracking my calories on fitday. Its really easy, and it makes me really think about what I'm putting into my body.

As for college...I'm not much of a pizza fan! I know hard to believe. Yes, there's a Wendy's, a pizza place, and a starbucks on campus--but I think i can stay away, I don't really visit those places now :D

And as for beer, my bf is 23 and i'm around beer all the time...I actually hate the way it tastes, ALL of it. SO yay for that.

I'll be able to have fun i think. I really miss swimming. I swam competitively for 10 years, and when I stopped I gained a lot of weight. It'll be so much fun to start swimming again. And I know I'll be busy, I'm in the honors program. But staying busy will keep me from snacking...and the food hall has the best stuff ever!

Thanks again :D
 
Hi Brutal!

I just wanted to say that your senior prom pic is gorgeous! The others are, too, but that one especially.

MissD gives great advice! My first year of college was a disaster for my weight but you are going off with such a strong mindset, and clear goals... you're going to do so well, and it's a really exciting time, too.

Good luck!
 
hey thanks for the input. I put the prom pic in there because...well I like it the best :D The others I hate and once I lose weight wish I could burn. But sadly..I found these on my friend's myspace pages!
 
Wow, yesterday was fun.

I ended up only eating about 500 calories by the time I went to bed (around 3am again geesh!) I guess thats probably why I had a slight headache all day. But all the snacking I had was about 1/2 cup of nonfat cottage cheese...I thought I needed something b/c of the headache, and I was right!
My oven roasted chicken breast (no bones, no skin) and green beans (no salt added) dinner wasn't very many calories! And I drank water last night. It's nice to know I can control my snack urge, but I think I overdid it yesterday.

Today, I woke up way late...again. About 4pm. I gotta get my schedule back before I go on vacation (and go to college). I had 1 packet of the Quaker's Oatmeal Weight Control, only about 160 calories. I feel full actually. I took my time eating. I let it cool down, then I'd spoon a bite and sit the bowl back down. Usually I'd down that in about 2.5 seconds! Well maybe not that fast, but I believe eating slower really helped.

Now, instead of yucky water, I'm drinking some crystal light stuff. It's low sodium, with lots of potassium, and NO calories,carbs, or sugars :D And its deliscious.

I took control. I gave me mum a shopping list. I asked for some healthy choice or lean cuisine tv dinners (for when there's nothing to cook, and I dont' want to resort to high calorie noodles! yikes), grapenuts cereal, my favorite soy milk YUMMO, non fat yogurt, some more boneless skinless chicken breasts..i think i forgot fruits though :( I love my vegetables though.

I'll be happy to see what she actually brings home.
I'm so proud of myself, and I can't wait to tell my boyfriend. Since we don't talk over the phone (we both hate it), I won't get to tell him til I go over his house Thursday morning. I can't wait :D

This site has also boosted my confidence..I'm actually starting to look at the parts of my body that I love!

Usually I sit there and I pinch my stomach and think how gross I look, but then I look at other things, like my muscular thighs, and my somewhat tone arms, my nice uphigh booty, and my fabulous set of girls. I wasn't hungry when I woke up this afternoon..I figured I would be because i was kinda hungry when i fell asleep. I guess that cottage cheese helped a bit.

I feel a lot better. I'm still really tired, and I know thats because of my stupid sleep schedule. But I do this every summer. Throughout the year, I'm so busy that I stretch out the time i'm awake to where i don't get that much sleep! I know I'll have lots of work to do in college, but atleast I don't ever have to get up at 7am unless I want to go jogging or exercise before my 9am class...and on the days i have an 11am class..I can sleep in and still get soem morning exercise :D i know I'll be less tired because I won't always be rushing. Its nice to have a dorm right in the center of all the buildings I have to go to.

Wow, i'm getting way more positive each day. I still need to get a good scale. The one me mum has isn't very accurate, and the slightest movement makes you go up or down 5 lbs. I want one that has decimal points too. Looks like a trip to Walmart is in store tomorrow, before I meet my brother for dinner. I hope I don't blow it though! We'll prolly be going to macado's or some place that has salad..if so I'll be fine. Just gotta stay away from Carb's in a restaurant. Those are high calories. Oh and hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to find a camera battery to fit my camera. I will afterall be near the place that I bought it at :D
 
FAIL!!!

Today...I ate at ... dun dun dun. WENDY's!

I SO wanted to eat at Subway...but my family was all rushing, and my brother wanted to eat, and they wanted to go homes...and I hadn't eat all day (didn't have time) and it was late and I should have gotten a salad, but since I hadn't eaten anything and I knew I'd be up late, i though...why not. This may be teh last time you get to savor this...

So i did it.
I got a baconator with Onions, and fries, and unsweet tea with splenda . BUT i did get a small :D and i didn't use any ketchup or anything on anything. And I'm not at all hungry, nor was I before. It just sucks taht it was at like 8:45pm when we ate :(

I woke up at like 2, and my sis left without saying a word to me :( So i gots ready, and me and my stepdad left to meet me mum at like 3:55, and we left with me mum at like 4:30 or so, and we go to the mall at 5, but my bro didn't get there til 7. I played with ferrets, and I got stuck in Borders forever, even after my brother got there. I LOVE BOOKS! And we all walked around, and talked about how culinary school was going for my brother, and me and him talked about music and blah blah blah. I rode with him to eat, b/c he gots a new stereo system. SWEET. So I missed my brother, and I let him choose the place to eat. So he picked Wendy's (he hadn't eaten all day either). I hate him! jk. He's pretty buff, and he eats whatever he wants :( He's not skinny, but he's buff and not fat. I guess his ability to cook for himself helps too...but whatever. I SO wanted subway :( I could've done SO good.

But tomorrow...i go to the boyfriend's, and I will tell him. Don't let me eat bad food. He said the other night "even if I have to go eat mexican alone, and take you shopping so you can eat what you want at my place, i'll do it because i love you"
gawd, am i lucky or what?!
And then friday, i'm with him most of the day, then off to a book release. I know i'm getting ice cream at Cold Stone with my mum, so I have to eat NO carbs and really low calories til then. And then, a book release party where I"m giving blood, so I'll have to eat some stuff after that, but I'll be out til like 1 or 2am. YAY.
I don't feel that bad about today. I really don't think I went over my calorie limit because the Wendy's was the only thing I'd had all day. I'm not getting hungry as often, so I think this change has curbed that :D yayers.
Trying to stay positive

peace, love, and stay brutal
 
yikes, the fact that there is no wendys within 15 driving minutes of where I live is the only reason i can stay on my diet.

its good you have plans to workout and all once you get to college. I hate to have to say it but stay away from the alcohol, its empty calories and thats where the freshman 15 really comes from.
 
rofl. i hate to say it but as i type, my boyfriend is drinking beer. YUCKS i hate beer :D

i can't drink, I'm his DD til i turn 21 :D
but yeah, me no likes beer.

and today i got to have subway :D i got a footlong but i ate half for lunch and half is still left for me to eat...i may go do that now before it gets too late.
 
Welcome!!!!

Hey there MISSY!!!! :biggrinjester:


You know I understand you on a lot of things, about the image distortion, about not believing them when they say something nice to you, :blush5:, about the temptations, about eating out!!! ALMOST ALL OF IT!!! LOL ;)

...but I will tell you this much, that the REASON why you got him, was probably because you ACTED CONFIDENT, I have realized, that things got much better with me and my bf, the day I STOPPED TALKING about how much I dislike this and dislike that, buttttt INSTEAD changed my THOUGHTS and WORDS to POSITIVE!!! I started believing that I DO DESERVE the best, the BEST treatment, the BEST MAN, the BEST ME, and I AM PRETTY, I DO have nice CURVES ;).....and he started LOVING the NEW ME !

.....to tell you the truth,.....ME TOO!!! It was about time, that I LOVED MYSELF !!!!:toetap05:

...everything is EASIER when YOU believe it too! Your plan for college sounds good, but YOU had it REAL GOOD when you said, MEAL BY MEAL, DAY BY DAY!....I notice I quit things, when I place UNREALISTIC expectations on myself, and specific time frames to do it in.....so DON"T set yourself up for failure by expecting too much from yourself! Love yourself NOW, he does! ;)

I wish YOU LUCK on this JOURNEY!!! WE CAN DO IT!!! I'm ROOTING for you!! NOW get to WORK!!! :gnorsi:....LOL...and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! :iagree:
 
ALTA

thanks so much for your uplifting comments :D

BLAH so I'd like to say that I haven't been on here because I've beeen EXTREMELY busy helping my boyfriend move, and now I'm stuck on vacation. I have failed at eating :( But I haven't really been snacking and I've done a TON of walking around here. I followed my boyfriend around bar hopping last night, TONS of walking. haha

But I'll get back to being healthier when I get back home...after I help my boyfriend move in.

BUT I did strut my stuff in a cute black bikini at the pool here every day :D
I can't wait for college...I just found out my dorm is on the 2nd floor, so I can take the stairs everyday :D

I'll post back soon...I hope. Prolly Saturday or Sunday.
Oh and OFFTOPIC...I read Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer (finished it about 50 hours after receiving it...i did have to sleep some) and it is AMAZING. A Good read...a real page turner.

okay well goodnight...gotta get up early tomorrow

peace, love, and stay brutal
 
brutal&tattooed said:
Oh and OFFTOPIC...I read Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer (finished it about 50 hours after receiving it...i did have to sleep some) and it is AMAZING. A Good read...a real page turner.
Click to expand...

I am about 2/3rds of the way through! ARGHHH its so good so far!
I left it at my boyfriends 2 nights ago by accident and I am going INSANE not being able to read it.

Were you Team Edward, Team Jacob and Team Switzerland?
I was Team Jacob, cause I thought he was adorable and you know... human!

Woo Hoo for university, so much fun! It must be heaps funner in the US though with the dorms and everything... im jealous.

Anywho just stopping by ill stop blabbering now...
 
brutal&tattooed said:
*takes a deep breath*
Well, it's been interesting.
I stayed up pretty late last night talking to one of my best friends. But I was SO proud of myself. I ate dinner around 7:30pm, and I went to bed at around 3am or something--without snacking at all.
I will admit I had a glass or two of sweet tea, and a piece of gum..but I think that's awesome.

When I woke up today I took a shower, and I didn't feel like crying when I looked into the mirror. My stomach just seemed a bit tighter today, and I feel less tired. I walked into the kitchen to decide what I would eat...I woke up kinda late today, so I'll only be eating once more before I go to bed tonight. I looked at a bagel, cottage cheese, soup, oatmeal, a banana nut muffin...but I just decided on some Honey Bunches of Oats cereal. I ate a double serving according to the box, which was only around 300 calories including the milk. I actually measured everything out too. But I'm already feeling hungry again. I think I should go drink a few glasses of water. During sports season, I know when I drink lots of water in a shorter period of time I don't feel hungry. It also sucks that the only food in the kitchen is high carb and high calorie. That cereal included like a TON of my daily percentage of carbs. So maybe for dinner I'll grill a piece of chicken and have some green veggies with water. And I have to refrain from smothering the chicken in honey mustard or something. I believe condiments have led to my downfall so far.

But I know this week isn't going to get any easier. For the next few days I just get to lounge around in my pjs, cleaning and organizing for the big move to college--but Thursday I have to put on real clothes again and go out. I have to walk into my boyfriend's house and look at a perfectly gorgeous human being that looks wonderful in ratty old shorts and a dirty tshirt..he doesn't even have to brush his hair! Now don't gasp, I don't want to be beautiful just for him...but I think it would make things fair for him to think i'm absolutely gorgeous in anything and for other ppl to agree with him (he loves my body but i think other people wonder why he's with me) Another thing is, we're around the same height...well he has 4 inches on me but he doesn't stand up completely around me. I'm a tall girl, so the heavier I am the bigger I look. I have shorter friends who have about as much fat on them as me, but they look smaller, b/c they are just shorter.

If you haven't noticed..I tend to ramble. My boyfriend wanted me to talk to someone about my issues, but I didn't want to. I guess this is the easy way out, but in a way its not. If no one listens or talks to me, then this isn't really worth anything.

A few days ago, we went to Blacksburg (where Virginia Tech is) to look at this apartment he's moving into...and I changed about 50 times before I went over. I put on a girly tank top, I put on another cute girly shirt, i put on a girly tshirt...i put on capris, shorts, skirts..and what did I walk out of the house in? Flipflops, jeans that are a little baggy, and a black tshirt. I know, so eventful right? Now my bf says I'm one of the only girls he knows that looks great in jeans and a tshirt, but I know thats at the expense of not looking good in anything else! I want to be able to put on a cute dress and make people look at me because I'm pretty, not b/c i'm too fat to be wearing something like that. I want guys to wish they were my boyfriend...like I know some girls wish they were me because my boyfriend is so beautiful. I have no clue how I got him, but I am grateful...I just want to make it easier for him to love me. I just can't believe him when he says he loves my tummy...I know he means it when he says he likes my other female features..I'm curvy..but with a tummy. Thats all I want is to have a smoother tummy. I love my curves, but they could use some toning up...Its just so frustrating without the right resources...

The fact that my classes start later than everyone else I know kills me. All I want is to be in college, with access to the right food and exercise, and support. But there will be some down sides to college...all the beautiful skinny people. *sigh*
I'm so hungry right now...I think I'm going to get off of here and go clean or list (one of my compulsive habits).

It'd also be nice if some people would post replies...tell me what they think I'm doing wrong or right.

Peace, love, and stay brutal.
Click to expand...


Good luck with everything!!!
If you put your mind to it, you can do it!!!!

And use this forum as a form of self-therapy, everyone is so busy writting in their own diaries, and trying to fight their own demons that we won't always get suggestions or the 50 replies we would like to get you know.
But the fact that you are putting your hardship out there into the world and explaining it with words, it makes it easier on a soul, and it makes it easier knowing that someone out there will read that and just give you a nice little boost to keep going.

All the good things in life don't come easy, and being healthy in my eyes doesn't come either without work.

So have fun , you seem like a fun person and just work hard and in no-time it will be Christmas and you'll be under 200lbs, just imagine how happy you'll be, keep that happiness in mind.


PS: I also wanted to add, I forgot lol, if you do get these cravings I would suggest keeping fruit in the house. Last night believe it or not around 12 am, I was hungry, I think I heard my tummy growl too so I was fighting with my own self for about 30 min wether I should get up and have something to eat or not, so then I decided that I would go into the kitchen, FULL SPEED, grab a plum and a glass of water and RUN BACK OUT as fast as I could as to not grab something else on accident of course lol. And the plum helped, it settled my tummy and I went to bed. SO fruit help a lot, at least for a hour or so you know before you can snack again.

I also bought low-fat, low-calorie fruit yogurt, and those will be my SWEETS i guess, and its also something I can grab when I get hunger pains, so get out of the house get some simple healthy items, food that will keep you in check and not tempt you to go eat more.

And you sound like a very sweet and honest person, your bf should be more than happy to have you, what is the point in having a skinny stick thin gf when she's all black and white and all about the next style comming out, and the carrot she shouldnt have eaten coz now she probably gained .1lb you knowww??? So us girls who like some meat and have a stronger personality, skinny bitchezz out of OUR WAY I SAY!!!!
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top