Uncover what's standing in the way of your emotional health and happinessBy Camille Noe
BodyYour mind and spirit may be the most overlooked—and under appreciated—components of your well-being. But research has shown that nourishing them not only lowers stress, lifts mood and improves relationships but can also protect your health. "Mind, body and spirit are interdependent, so if you take care of your spirit, your body and mind will reap the rewards," says Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of It's About Time! The Six Styles of Procrastination (Penguin, 1997). "And if you nurture your body, your mind and spirit."
1. You don’t breathe deeply.
It sounds simple, but studies show that taking deep breaths keeps you alert and relaxed. Make an effort to inhale and exhale for two to three counts each throughout the day.
2. You don’t get enough sleep.
Sleep deprivation can leave you feeling jumpy, disoriented and unable to cope, says Rosalind Cartwright, Ph.D., director of the Sleep Disorder Center at Chicago’s Rush Presbyterian Medical Center. She recommends that you lighten your mood before bed—by reading a humorous book, for example—since being cranky can lead to less- rejuvenating sleep.
3. You've banned chocolate.
"Chocolate stimulates mood-enhancing brain chemicals like serotonin," says Debra Waterhouse, author of Why Women Need Chocolate (Hyperion, 1995). The amount in just two Hershey's kisses will do the trick, she adds.
Career12. You hate your job
The average American spends at least a third of her life working, so it's important to find a position that's challenging and fulfilling. If yours isn't, talk to your supervisor about how you can reshape your job responsibilities, or dust off your resume.
13. You regret not pursuing a childhood dream
Thoughts like "I should have played the guitar/been a sculptor/learned ballet" can lead to feelings of self-doubt. Instead of worrying about the opportunities you missed, enroll in a class or sign up for private lessons.
14. You rarely socialize with colleagues
You’re not going to love every coworker, but having someone to chat with can make the day go by more quickly. Research shows that social support can prevent illness-and it can ease emotional stress, too.
15. You second-guess yourself
Over-analyzing can erode your self-image, says Ahrons. "Ignore the little voices of doubt in your head and take action before you change your mind," she advises. "Your first choice is often your best choice."
17. You are your career
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in work that you neglect to foster hobbies and other interests—which not only leads to professional burnout but can make you just plain dull. Set aside a few hours a month for a book group or a sports league to add spark and dimension to your life.
18. You don't delegate
Doing everything yourself keeps your work-load-and your tension-unnecessarily high. If you tend to be a control freak, give small tasks to others until you're comfortable handing off larger projects
19. Your office is too loud
A recent study found that people who work in noisy environments have higher levels of stress and lose concentration faster than those in quiet settings. If you can't move your desk, wear earplugs or listen to white noise through headphones.
20. You don't take time off
Research shows that skipping vacations increases your risk of heart disease increases your risk of heart disease. Worried about your in box? Schedule a break a few months in advance and talk to your boss about delegating responsibilities while you're away.
Relationships21. You haven't learned from your parents
How mom and dad communicated is a good indicator of how you and your spouse will get along, says Ahrons. Their marriage was dysfunctional? Improve yours by avoiding similar behaviors-such as bickering over trivial matters.
22. When it comes to love, you ignore friends’ advice
A recent Purdue University study found that women are particularly astute at predicting whether a friend’s romance will last. "A friend will be able to see the negative aspects of a relationship that you may be overlooking," says study author Christopher Agnew, Ph.D.
23. You don't set aside "me" time
A recent study found that people with a packed social calendar were more likely to become ill. Try to take one night a week to give yourself a pedicure, try out a new recipe or pursue another hobby-it will help you unwind and stay healthy.
24. You always go solo
Being overly independent can lead to loneliness, which can cause depression. "Friends and family can support you in tough times," says Sapadin. "They can also offer different perspectives when you're trying to resolve a dilemma or navigate a major life change."
25. You’re quick to criticize
"When we criticize others, we're often projecting our own insecurities," says Ahrons. We're also risking offending people. "Before you point out another person's shortcomings, consider whether you have the same ones and how you might change."
26. You're in an unhealthy relationship
Whether it's with a parent, partner or friend, a one-way relationship can be exhausting. Approach the other person and explain how you feel; if all else fails, consider breaking it off. (If you're in an abusive situation, seek help immediately at 800-799-SAFE).
27. You don’t volunteer
A Cornell University study found that contributing your time or money increases feelings of self-worth and control over your life. To find a volunteering opportunity you'd enjoy, log on to volunteermatch.org.
28. You don’t get along with your mother
Recent research shows that women who maintain good relationships with their mothers tend to have higher self-esteem and are less likely to suffer from eating disorders. If you have unresolved issues, sit down and talk. Then spend time together to renew your bond.
29. You’re holding a grudge
Not forgiving another person causes great mental distress (and probably isn't hurting the other person at all). Discuss the offending incident with the person or people involved. Releasing bottled-up feelings will help you leave the past behind.
30. You never cry
Research has found that tears help flush stress-related chemicals that build up in your tear ducts when you're upset. If you feel the urge, find a quiet place and grab a Kleenex-it will calm and refresh you.
BodyYour mind and spirit may be the most overlooked—and under appreciated—components of your well-being. But research has shown that nourishing them not only lowers stress, lifts mood and improves relationships but can also protect your health. "Mind, body and spirit are interdependent, so if you take care of your spirit, your body and mind will reap the rewards," says Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of It's About Time! The Six Styles of Procrastination (Penguin, 1997). "And if you nurture your body, your mind and spirit."
1. You don’t breathe deeply.
It sounds simple, but studies show that taking deep breaths keeps you alert and relaxed. Make an effort to inhale and exhale for two to three counts each throughout the day.
2. You don’t get enough sleep.
Sleep deprivation can leave you feeling jumpy, disoriented and unable to cope, says Rosalind Cartwright, Ph.D., director of the Sleep Disorder Center at Chicago’s Rush Presbyterian Medical Center. She recommends that you lighten your mood before bed—by reading a humorous book, for example—since being cranky can lead to less- rejuvenating sleep.
3. You've banned chocolate.
"Chocolate stimulates mood-enhancing brain chemicals like serotonin," says Debra Waterhouse, author of Why Women Need Chocolate (Hyperion, 1995). The amount in just two Hershey's kisses will do the trick, she adds.
Career12. You hate your job
The average American spends at least a third of her life working, so it's important to find a position that's challenging and fulfilling. If yours isn't, talk to your supervisor about how you can reshape your job responsibilities, or dust off your resume.
13. You regret not pursuing a childhood dream
Thoughts like "I should have played the guitar/been a sculptor/learned ballet" can lead to feelings of self-doubt. Instead of worrying about the opportunities you missed, enroll in a class or sign up for private lessons.
14. You rarely socialize with colleagues
You’re not going to love every coworker, but having someone to chat with can make the day go by more quickly. Research shows that social support can prevent illness-and it can ease emotional stress, too.
15. You second-guess yourself
Over-analyzing can erode your self-image, says Ahrons. "Ignore the little voices of doubt in your head and take action before you change your mind," she advises. "Your first choice is often your best choice."
17. You are your career
It’s easy to get so wrapped up in work that you neglect to foster hobbies and other interests—which not only leads to professional burnout but can make you just plain dull. Set aside a few hours a month for a book group or a sports league to add spark and dimension to your life.
18. You don't delegate
Doing everything yourself keeps your work-load-and your tension-unnecessarily high. If you tend to be a control freak, give small tasks to others until you're comfortable handing off larger projects
19. Your office is too loud
A recent study found that people who work in noisy environments have higher levels of stress and lose concentration faster than those in quiet settings. If you can't move your desk, wear earplugs or listen to white noise through headphones.
20. You don't take time off
Research shows that skipping vacations increases your risk of heart disease increases your risk of heart disease. Worried about your in box? Schedule a break a few months in advance and talk to your boss about delegating responsibilities while you're away.
Relationships21. You haven't learned from your parents
How mom and dad communicated is a good indicator of how you and your spouse will get along, says Ahrons. Their marriage was dysfunctional? Improve yours by avoiding similar behaviors-such as bickering over trivial matters.
22. When it comes to love, you ignore friends’ advice
A recent Purdue University study found that women are particularly astute at predicting whether a friend’s romance will last. "A friend will be able to see the negative aspects of a relationship that you may be overlooking," says study author Christopher Agnew, Ph.D.
23. You don't set aside "me" time
A recent study found that people with a packed social calendar were more likely to become ill. Try to take one night a week to give yourself a pedicure, try out a new recipe or pursue another hobby-it will help you unwind and stay healthy.
24. You always go solo
Being overly independent can lead to loneliness, which can cause depression. "Friends and family can support you in tough times," says Sapadin. "They can also offer different perspectives when you're trying to resolve a dilemma or navigate a major life change."
25. You’re quick to criticize
"When we criticize others, we're often projecting our own insecurities," says Ahrons. We're also risking offending people. "Before you point out another person's shortcomings, consider whether you have the same ones and how you might change."
26. You're in an unhealthy relationship
Whether it's with a parent, partner or friend, a one-way relationship can be exhausting. Approach the other person and explain how you feel; if all else fails, consider breaking it off. (If you're in an abusive situation, seek help immediately at 800-799-SAFE).
27. You don’t volunteer
A Cornell University study found that contributing your time or money increases feelings of self-worth and control over your life. To find a volunteering opportunity you'd enjoy, log on to volunteermatch.org.
28. You don’t get along with your mother
Recent research shows that women who maintain good relationships with their mothers tend to have higher self-esteem and are less likely to suffer from eating disorders. If you have unresolved issues, sit down and talk. Then spend time together to renew your bond.
29. You’re holding a grudge
Not forgiving another person causes great mental distress (and probably isn't hurting the other person at all). Discuss the offending incident with the person or people involved. Releasing bottled-up feelings will help you leave the past behind.
30. You never cry
Research has found that tears help flush stress-related chemicals that build up in your tear ducts when you're upset. If you feel the urge, find a quiet place and grab a Kleenex-it will calm and refresh you.
