maxsideburn
New member
Let's just start off by saying that I've been fast my entire adult life. I was sickly thin as a child, but around the age of 10 I began to spread and have gone up and down since then more times than Oprah Winfrey.
At the age of 18 I was down to 190lbs and I felt wonderful, I wasn't "thin" but I was no longer "fat". This was down from somewhere around 250 a few years earlier.
Skip ahead to age 23 and I'm up to 280lbs, the heaviest I had ever been. Eight months of hard work, however, and I was standing on the scale the day before Thanksgiving staring at 200lbs. I had one more pound to go to see something under 200 again, and I let is slip away.
Cut to the present. In recent years I let my weight slip again, this time peaking at 308lbs a few months ago. I managed an impressive loss from there down to 272lbs, then let it go again.
So here I am, at roughly 280lbs and wanting so desperately to see 199lbs before I turn 30 years old on April 12, 2011.
At this point in my life I almost feel as though I have no control over it anymore. Sure I can get angry and lose a few pounds, but it comes back. Why? Because I love food, I could eat twenty times a day and probably still want more. You see I have what's called an addictive personality. If it's not food then it's sex, or booze, or cigarettes, or drugs. Well I no longer smoke, I no longer do drugs, I seldom drink, and I have a regular (but not hyperactive) sex life with my wife. So that leaves.....food.
There are times at night when I'm trying to go to sleep that I get so angry at myself, I want so bad to lose weight, but I know that the person I'm going to be when I wake up isn't going to care about it as much as I do at that moment. I've even taken to emailing myself at night, pleading with myself in the morning to try to lose weight that day, but alas no matter what I try I always end up "tuning it out" within a few days.
So, utterly frustrated I've come here, hoping that being encouraged by others I might just have a chance. I'm going to weigh in tomorrow afternoon and start an online journal here.
At the age of 18 I was down to 190lbs and I felt wonderful, I wasn't "thin" but I was no longer "fat". This was down from somewhere around 250 a few years earlier.
Skip ahead to age 23 and I'm up to 280lbs, the heaviest I had ever been. Eight months of hard work, however, and I was standing on the scale the day before Thanksgiving staring at 200lbs. I had one more pound to go to see something under 200 again, and I let is slip away.
Cut to the present. In recent years I let my weight slip again, this time peaking at 308lbs a few months ago. I managed an impressive loss from there down to 272lbs, then let it go again.
So here I am, at roughly 280lbs and wanting so desperately to see 199lbs before I turn 30 years old on April 12, 2011.
At this point in my life I almost feel as though I have no control over it anymore. Sure I can get angry and lose a few pounds, but it comes back. Why? Because I love food, I could eat twenty times a day and probably still want more. You see I have what's called an addictive personality. If it's not food then it's sex, or booze, or cigarettes, or drugs. Well I no longer smoke, I no longer do drugs, I seldom drink, and I have a regular (but not hyperactive) sex life with my wife. So that leaves.....food.
There are times at night when I'm trying to go to sleep that I get so angry at myself, I want so bad to lose weight, but I know that the person I'm going to be when I wake up isn't going to care about it as much as I do at that moment. I've even taken to emailing myself at night, pleading with myself in the morning to try to lose weight that day, but alas no matter what I try I always end up "tuning it out" within a few days.
So, utterly frustrated I've come here, hoping that being encouraged by others I might just have a chance. I'm going to weigh in tomorrow afternoon and start an online journal here.