♡☆♡Beating binging is now my goal♡☆♡

Morning



Up at 5 and yay I'm not exhausted, so I paced while having 2 iced coffees.... eww, make that 1 iced coffee. My second one tasted gross. So I smelled the milk, and it's going sour. So I'll pick some up after I take the kids to school.



Scratch the not exhausted. I paced for 30 mins before I became exhausted, so I had a nap till 7.



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Oh no, my oldest kid has an upset stomach, so no school for him again. Which sucks, our milk went bad and I was going to pick some up, so no slim fast shake today. Maybe that's why my shake tasted so gross yesterday. So the plan will look like this:



Brekky- 1 iced coffee, cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana and cinnamon

Lunch- Half a deli meat sandwich, 1 cookie

Snack- 2 cookies

Supper- 1 cup beef stir fry



Total- 1343



I'm reducing my calories to 1300, I've been maintaining on 1500, although I don't know how, according to my watch, I burn in average 2000 cals a day.



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Had brekky, then did some chores and went in the treadmill incline of 2 for 25 mins. At first it was hard and I almost quit but it wasn't hard to just keep going, so I did. Eventually I wanna get up to an incline of 5. But I'm at 11k steps by 10:15am. Oh I'm changing up my treadmill workout, instead of interval walking, I'm incline walking.



I paced for a little, did dishes, then had a nap.
 
Afternoon

Had a 1.5 hr nap and it felt good. Then for lunch I had half deli sandwich and 1 mint oreo cookie. Soo good.

So it's been raining all day and right now it's raining pretty hard and there was thunder and lightening, I hope it eases by the time I have to get my kid from school. So I'm pacing to distract myself.

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So the rain eased up so I got my kid early from school incase it started again. I'm petrified of thunderstorms, so I didn't want to risk it.

We got home at 3, instead of 3:30 and I did homework with them. Then we had a snack, I had 2 cookies.

I hope my husband won't be upset, but I did what I thought was right and what felt safest to me.

I paced some much, it's 3:30 and I have 22k steps.

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Had 2 peices of mini banana bread. I think I was craving chocolate cuz I didn't get it from my shake today.

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Yay hubs got home at 5:45, so yup, I'm had a hoot, sue me. I enjoyed the high so much today and hubs didn't ask about why I was home early. Our door bell has a camera and a notification pops up if someone walks by it.

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Supper was beef stir fry, mmm so good. Then I had the rest of my blizzard, like 4 bites.

I decided I'm not reducing my calories, I'll add in more exercise if need be.

Cleaned up supper then sat and wrote this.

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Got kiddos in bed then had 2 rice cakes to snack on, got my weekly massage, then went to bed. I ended with 23k steps.
 
Morning

Up at 5, pacing and 2 iced coffees. I am not feeling exhausted so I paced till 6:30.

Got the kids up at 7 and ready for school.

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Got kiddos off to school, got milk, and came home, had brekky, then did some chores. I did bare minimum today. Then I went on my treadmill for 30 mins incline of 2. I skipped pilates today, I will tomorrow.

Then I had a nap.
 
Afternoon

Had a 1.5 hr nap, felt good. Then I tried a slim fast shake with the new milk I got, and yup it's still gross af. So I had a half deli meat sandwich and a cookie. So from now on, my diet will look like:

Brekky- 2 ice coffees, half a banana
Lunch- Half a deli meat sandwich, chocolate milk
Snack- 2 cookies
Supper- Small portion

Totsl- 1200-1300

My hubs and I are going to a fundraiser for supper, there will be steak, bake potato, veggies and desert. So it'll be a maintenance day. Aren't they all like that lately? Oiy, fuck me.

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Hubs got home at 2:30! Yay! I love having him home all to myself.

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Got kiddos from school, no homework today, then had 2 oreo cookies as a snack.

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Aaaand then I proceeded to eat 4 more cookies. Fml.

Well today is a gaining weight day. At least I don't have to cook tonight. I decided I'm not gonna worry about calories tonight and enjoy my meal. I hope the desert is chocolate!

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At 4:30 I had a hoot. Gotta be stoned for supper tonight 😁

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Ooooh I wish I didn't get stoned, it made me tired. Ok, No. More. Pot. Just cbd from now on.

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Supper was delish! Steak, bake potato with all the trimmings, ceaser salad and garlic bread and forgot dessert, apple crumble with ice cream.. mmm yummy.

Came home and had a hoot...starting tomorrow just cbd.

So tomorrow, I'm reducing my calories to 1200-1300, with 15k-20k steps and pilates 3x a week. I gotta lose these last 10 pounds. But I mostly wanted to tone up. I saw a girl at supper who looked super fit and I was envious of her.

Ended with 18k steps.
 
Morning

Up at 5, 2 iced coffees and pacing.

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I paced for 2 hrs. I love pacing, it's the one constant fitness in my life.

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Kiddos got up at 8 and I made them chocolate chip pancakes for brekky. Then my hubs got up and I spent some time with him before I had my everything shower. Then I ate toast for brekky. Sooo good!

Then I did a couple things around the house to feel productive. Hubs is not on call this long weekend, yay, so today it's a lazy day. I'm staying in my pj's 😁

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I'm glad I paced so much this morning bc hubs is working on the floor in the kitchen, so I can't pace. But I have 15k by 11am. I can take the rest of the day to relax if I wanted. But I know I'll pace later. I plan to do pilates later too
 
Afternoon

I had a momentary relapse with anorexia and planned for 1300 cals today but then I started looking at fitspo and realized 1300 is not enough and I will binge.

My body is changing, even tho they scale isn't moving. Maybe I'm doing a body recomp? I build muscle easily so maybe? Hubs and I are noticing I'm shrinking, thanks to pilates.

So at noon instead of just having just chocolate milk, I also had half a deli meat sandwich. It was so tasty.

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At 1 I worked out. I almost didn't, I've been struggling this week with wanting to quit working out, but I did it and feel good about it. That's 3x this week! I hit my goal. Even tho it was a struggle.

I also took my creatine. I forgot a lot this past week what with being sick with the flu, but I'll continue to take it. I notice such a difference in my workout performance, my strength is better as well as my endurance.

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I took a 1.5 hr nap and it felt glorious! Then I had 2 cookies to snack on, then paced for a while.

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I stopped pacing when I hit 20k, now I'm watching bikini prep videos.

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At 5:30, I started to cook supper, pizza tonight! And it's less calories that I thought, so yay!

Also, I think I'm going to stop counting calories and keep eating this way:

Brekky- 2 iced coffees, cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana and cinnamon
Lunch- Half a deli meat sandwich or 2 eggs, 1 cup chocolate milk
Snack- 2 cookies
Supper- Small portion
Snack- 2 rice cakes or serving of dry cereal

Total- 1500-1700

There, that's how I'll be eating from now on. So my focus will be on making sure I get my steps and doing pilates 3x a week. I'll still weight weekly on Wednesday's but will not concentrate on the number. I'm too lazy to measure, so I'll go by how I look. I'm scared that my meds make it hard to lose weight. I'm on 2 antipsychotics and 1 antidepressant. I gained 20 pounds on them. I went into the hospital at 135 and came out 140. Then I gained 15 more on them.

So ya, I want to work on my relationship with food, and learn not to be so obsessed with it. And enjoy cheat meals on special occasions. Like last night at the fundraiser, I had a normal dr pepper instead of diet coke. Cake on birthdays, whatever I want (within reason, no binging here) for take out. I'll concentrate on making this a way of living. I'll concentrate on being healthy and make sure I at least don't gain weight.

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Supper and clean up is done, then I paced for a while, now I'm sitting writing this and waiting for the kids bedtime, so I can have another hoot, I had one at 5:30.

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Got kiddos in bed, had a hoot, had a serving of lucky charms to snack on, then went to bed. Ended with 23.5k steps
 
Ihaveacupcake said:
Afternoon

I had a momentary relapse with anorexia and planned for 1300 cals today but then I started looking at fitspo and realized 1300 is not enough and I will binge.

My body is changing, even tho they scale isn't moving. Maybe I'm doing a body recomp? I build muscle easily so maybe? Hubs and I are noticing I'm shrinking, thanks to pilates.

So at noon instead of just having just chocolate milk, I also had half a deli meat sandwich. It was so tasty.

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At 1 I worked out. I almost didn't, I've been struggling this week with wanting to quit working out, but I did it and feel good about it. That's 3x this week! I hit my goal. Even tho it was a struggle.

I also took my creatine. I forgot a lot this past week what with being sick with the flu, but I'll continue to take it. I notice such a difference in my workout performance, my strength is better as well as my endurance.

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I took a 1.5 hr nap and it felt glorious! Then I had 2 cookies to snack on, then paced for a while.

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I stopped pacing when I hit 20k, now I'm watching bikini prep videos.

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At 5:30, I started to cook supper, pizza tonight! And it's less calories that I thought, so yay!

Also, I think I'm going to stop counting calories and keep eating this way:

Brekky- 2 iced coffees, cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana and cinnamon
Lunch- Half a deli meat sandwich or 2 eggs, 1 cup chocolate milk
Snack- 2 cookies
Supper- Small portion
Snack- 2 rice cakes or serving of dry cereal

Total- 1500-1700

There, that's how I'll be eating from now on. So my focus will be on making sure I get my steps and doing pilates 3x a week. I'll still weight weekly on Wednesday's but will not concentrate on the number. I'm too lazy to measure, so I'll go by how I look. I'm scared that my meds make it hard to lose weight. I'm on 2 antipsychotics and 1 antidepressant. I gained 20 pounds on them. I went into the hospital at 135 and came out 140. Then I gained 15 more on them.

So ya, I want to work on my relationship with food, and learn not to be so obsessed with it. And enjoy cheat meals on special occasions. Like last night at the fundraiser, I had a normal dr pepper instead of diet coke. Cake on birthdays, whatever I want (within reason, no binging here) for take out. I'll concentrate on making this a way of living. I'll concentrate on being healthy and make sure I at least don't gain weight.

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Supper and clean up is done, then I paced for a while, now I'm sitting writing this and waiting for the kids bedtime, so I can have another hoot, I had one at 5:30.

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Got kiddos in bed, had a hoot, had a serving of lucky charms to snack on, then went to bed. Ended with 23.5k steps
Click to expand...
O I love lucky charms
What's creatine?
 
Morning

Up at 5, 2 iced coffees and paced till 6. Then I had a nap till 7.

Got the kiddos up and fed, then off to church.

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We're at church early and I wish I didn't have to come anymore. I always fall asleep. Good thing my hubs isn't embarrassed by it. I'm trying to adopt a 'fuck it' attitude and not care. But I'm just not into the Christian life anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a believer and lover of God, and try to lead a good life, but ever since my religious delusions brought on by psychosis, I just can't get into God anymore. I'm learning how to deal with life and anxiety in this world, and I'm loving it. I get to watch shows like 'the Santa Clarita diet' and 'the real housewives' and not feel bad that it's not religious.

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I fell asleep and it felt nice. I was not embarrassed at all today.

Normally we go shopping after church but not today, it's cold and windy out. We will go tomorrow since it's a holiday and hubs and kid are off.

So I paced for an hr, then made lunch for the kids.
 
Stoner chat

So I've been thinking about my diet and how I used to eat when I was 130lbs. I ate 2 meals a day (2MAD). I remember I was obsessed with Raman noodles, so I would have that and 2 cookies, then a small supper. I'm going to do that again. Right now I'm obsessed with deli meat sandwiches and chocolate milk. So I will have that around 11-12, with half a banana too, then supper at 6-6:30. This way, I'm not needing to fit in brekky and make sure I eat snacks. Everyone has lunch around noon, so will I. Lots of skinny people go all afternoon without snacks.

I used to be into thinspo, then fitspo, now I'm kinda into skinny fitspo (look it up), I'm thinking I want to get as fit as possible through pilates and be extra slim. Not thin, but small, toned and fit. I'm thinking 120 pounds. And Sundays will be a cheat day. Snacks at church and a bigger supper, since hubs normally cooks. He bbq's a lot in summer, burgers and chicken thighs. But he also makes burritos and spaghetti, which he is doing tonight😋.

I want to learn to be in control of my food and what I eat and how much. I'm done being pulled by my feelings and hunger. I now want to be 120 pounds by Sept 1, that's 15 weeks, that's 1.33333 pounds a week. Doable! Yay! When I do the math, it just looks so easy.

I'll weigh in on Wednesday's, that gives me enough time to lose the bloating and food weight from Sundays cheat day.

I'll do pilates 3x a week still, Mon, Wed, Fri.

I'll go on the treadmill, interval walking, I don't want to overload my legs on top of pilates and pacing.

My step goal is still 15k at the least.
 
Afternoon

At noon I had half a deli meat sandwich and chocolate milk, sooo good. Also had a black iced coffee for energy.

Hubs went to lie down so I'm pacing. I was gonna have a nap but since I slept this morning AND at church, I don't need the sleep, which is good cuz I'm behind on steps. So I had a cbd hoot and paced.

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Paced for 1 hr and 10 min. Now my legs are tired, so I'm gonna watch true crime for a bit then probably pace again.

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I ended up having an hr nap at the kitchen table. Then at 3 I had 3 coconut whippet cookies, they were so good. Then I had a bath at 3:30, I just wanted some alone time.

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Once I got out of the tub, I had a Cadbury cream egg... I shouldn't of but I did.

But I've decided Sundays will be a cheat day. Snacks at church and a good meal that my hubs makes. Tonight he made 🍝 and garlic toast, mmm so good.

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Got kiddos in bed, had 2 cookies and a bag of candy (diet starts tomorrow). Then I went to bed
 
Sober chat

So of course when I'm stoned, I think I have everything under control and I know what I'm talking about, 2MAD and 1300 cals sounds good. But when I'm sober I realize it's not a good idea.

So I'm just going to continue to have 3 meals and day plus a treat.
 
Morning

Up at 5, showered, 2 iced coffees and pacing.

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I paced for 2.5 hrs, now my legs are tired. At 8 I made the kids chocolate chip pancakes for brekky. And at 8:30 I had cinnamon raisin toast with pb.

So as I said in my sober chat, I'm not doing 2MAD. That's just not realistic to me anymore. I will go back to what I said before, I will not concentrate on the number on the scale, but my fitness and how I look. I will not count calories but I know im eating around 1500 cals. With how active I am, I should lose weight, or at least tone up.

At 9 I did pilates. It was a good workout. Then I paced some more. I've paced so much already, 14k by 9:30.

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Went grocery shopping with the family and man, groceries are expensive! 😠

Then I made the kids lunch after I had a hoot...ok this is the last one ever. Just cbd from now on. I also have 20k steps by noon!
 
Morning

Up at 5:30, 2 iced coffees and pacing. Hubs boss has been bugging him to take time off and use vacation time, so he's taking the week off! Yay, I'm excited to have him home!

So since hubs gets to sleep in, I did a lot of pacing before school, yay!

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Got kiddos up, fed, and off to school, had brekky, chores, treadmill for 30 mins incline of 2. Then more chores. Hubs did some deep cleaning vacuuming, which was nice!

Then we went and finished our grocery shop. I already have 16k steps by noon.
 
Morning

Up at 5, skipped my shower, I will later, 2 iced coffees and pacing.

I must confess, I binged last night. So no weigh in this week.

ABSOLUTELY NO MORE FUCKING BINGING!

This thread is now a no binging thread. I'm just going to concentrate on not binging. Losing weight is just to hard now, so I will focus on not gaining weight.

In other news, I've been doing really well mentally and I've played around (and talked to my hubs) about decreasing my meds. But today I woke up thinking, I'm mentally stable because of my meds. Now I don't want to go off of them. I wanted to go off them for weight loss reasons and another reason which I won't say, but I'm not sure if I'll be strong enough.

Also, I did my nails last night, I wanted to try again, I may have over filed them and was rough on them before. I will be more gentle from now on when I need to change my polish. I did a light pink gel polish. Thank goodness cuz my nails where looking very ugly before, now they look nice.

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Got kiddos up and fed. I did lots of pacing this morning, it's 7:45 and I already have 10k steps.

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Got kiddos off to school, then I did some chores and went on the treadmill for 30 mins. I will do pilates later.

Then hubs and I watched 'rookie' for a bit then I paced some
 
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Afternoon

At noon I had a deli meat sandwich, chocolate milk and a cookie.

Now I'm pacing again but soon will sit down and watch tv.

I've been rewatching the series 'You' on Netflix because the last season just came out. I stopped watching these shows before for Christian reasons but now that I don't worry about that, I get to enjoy secular things. I'm on season 4.

Also, I'm getting an itch to start reading again. The show 'You' has inspired me. So I went to my digital library and just picked the first mystery, suspense and thriller book available. Again, for Christian reasons I stopped reading any fiction book. But that won't be a problem anymore. The book is called 'we are villains'.

When I was into reading before, I read a lot of fantasy, but now I'm into psychological mindfucks I call them, books like 'You'. I'm waiting for those books to become available at my library to read them, see how the show and book differ.

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I took a quick 30 min nap then read till it was time to get the kids.

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Got kiddos from school, homework, snack (I had a cookie), then pacing.

I almost decided to give up pilates, bc I just wasn't into it today, so I didn't workout during the day. Then, while getting changed, my hubs and I noticed my body looking a little more shapely and seeing change has lit a fire under my arse to continue! So I will workout tonight after the kids go to bed! And my body is looking slimmer even while I've been overeating/binging, so imagine if I just focused on not binging and eating normally, I might actually lose weight/get in shape!!

I'm extra super excited...cuz I'm stoned🙄. I don't feel guilty about it.

I talked to my hubs about medication again and we talked about how I've been pretty stable lately, and I realize I've been stable ever since my new cbd. So if I do go off meds, I'll most likely self medicated with cbd.

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I have 25k steps by 5pm. I've decided, even tho lately I can easily get all these steps, I'm cutting it down to 15k. It's just more realistic for me. Come summer, I wont be walking that much.

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Supper was sausages, perogies(I had 3) and veggies. My least favorite meal.

Hubs helped with dishes! So nice of him. Then I made and packed lunches. By this time it's only 7pm, so I worked out.

Then I had Reese puffs cereal to snack on and went to bed.
 
Morning

Up at 5, skipped my shower, 2 iced coffees and pacing. My watch died at some point last night, not sure why, so I don't have a step count for an hr. So I will pace to 13000 steps.

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Got kiddos up, fed and off to school. Ran an errand, took 🐻 out for a walk since we are getting a break from the rain. Then had brekky and did some chores. Then I worked out, 20 mins incline treadmill and pilates. I struggled through pilates today but I'm proud of myself for doing it! Then I hung out with my hubs for a while, while daydreaming about lunch...🤤
 
Afternoon

Got all my steps in! Then at noon I had a sandwich and chocolate milk for lunch...mmm 🤤

Then I had an hr nap which felt really good. Then I had a black iced coffee and 2 slices of mini banana bread and 2 cookies.

Not binging isn't going well, I'll try again tomorrow.

I watched 'you' all afternoon. MIL picked up the kids from school, we will have an early supper then go to soccer. I had a hoot cuz I felt like I needed to get stoned. I need to stop this! Just cbd. I'm just addicted to the high, but I will keep trying to quit.

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Just got an email, soccer is canceled due to the field being to wet. So ya, good thing I didn't start supper yet.

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While alone in the kitchen, I binged... as a last hoorah before diet starts tomorrow.

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Supper was beef stir fry, it was alright, I added soya sauce this time and I won't be doing that again!

Then as a family we played uno, then MIL left and we got the kiddos in bed then I snacked on dry cereal. Then I got my weekly massage and went to bed.
 
Evening stoner chat

I have not been good with not binging. So I may as well try to somewhat diet. I will do 3MAD, my diet will look like this:

Brekky- 2 iced coffees with cream and sugar, cinnamon raisin toast with pb and sliced banana
Lunch- Deli meat sandwich and chocolate milk or a bowl of cereal
Supper- Small portion

There, my mind is made up, I will try to diet.

I'm so proud of myself for working out 3x this week! I will keep it up. And come summer, I was gonna workout first thing in the morning and pace after, but decided I will workout when the kids go to bed, IF I can't during the day.

The kids have Monday off, so they are home for 3 days. I'm nervous about hubs going back to work Monday. I've loved having him home. I still have 2 days with him 😍🧡
 
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From yesterday

Up at 5, showered, 2 iced coffees and pacing for 2 hrs. Then I had brekky, my normal toast.

Today my kid gets his cast off, so we are heading to his doctor appt 2 hrs away.

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I slept the whole way lol, poor hubs. I did wake up in time for a Tim Hortons stop and I got a vanilla iced coffee, it was good. Then my dad made sandwiches for everyone, I had turkey and cheese and a bunch of strawberries. Then we left for my kids appt.

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Got home at 5:45. I slept all the way back too lol. Tired today. I had a banana to snack on and another coffee. And I still fell asleep!

Started the oven right away for pizza tonight, dried laundry, set the table and had a hoot. I told ya, I'm addicted to the high. But I didn't fight it from now on, no more pot.

It was a good trip, we go back in 3 weeks for another and hopefully last check up.
 
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