A question about that "40 years old dude"

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Dallen

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Yes, it's another silly question time brought to you by your pal Dallen.

Anyway, a lot of you guys know that 40 years old dude who never had a wife/girlfriend, who lives by himself, who weighs 300+ pounds, never held down a job for more than three months, and talks every day about how he hates women and how no one needs them and how life is so hard.

My question is, what causes this to occur? Psychologically that is. Is there a name for it?
 
Lack of confidence throughout life.

A bit of his fault as well. Gotta grab life by the horns.
 
Don't be so harsh. There are a lot of mental issues/illnesses that can result in at least some of the symptoms you describe, including Asperger Syndrome.

If you don't know the mental history of that person, then you're being rude.
 
I guess I saw myself in that person and got scared, but you're right I shouldn't judge someone, but there are many times where you sort of see yourself in someone else.
 
JohnnySolo said:
I see myself as James Bond sometimes….oh wait, what?
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You need to go here



My wife says I have a man crush on James Bond. I am trying to tell her it is his style and cars. When I have any of their bodies we will see who has the Jame's Bond crush.

Back to Dallen's question - there are tons of reasons people get into the situation you described. Could be something they suffer from like depression and they never get it treated, could be how they were raised, might be their choice and they just say they don't like women: there are a lot of reasons.

If you are worried you are going to be that guy, take charge and change what you can so that you don't end up a way you don't want too. If it is something you actually can't change on your own (like depression or other things) see a counselor/dr and talk things through with them. It is amazing what you can find out just talking out problems and concerns and how that alone will change you.

I know you have complained that you have a speech/hearing impediment. If you are concerned that this really is hindering your ability to "score" a woman (or man, I don't judge :) ), then I would suggest going to a dr and seeing what else can be done.
 
I don't know how to take charge of this situation. I have been talking to a therapist for a while now, and thus far, I really don't know what to do.

I mean we talk about fear. A lot of people have fear of being alone and no one wants that. I do know that right now I'm living that fear and it's not working for me and it's affecting everything I'm doing right now. What I can do about it? I have no idea. I can't force someone to love me or even be with me. The thought about having to live like this for another 40-50 years is just haunting and now I'm slowly starting to think perhaps I should just rewind and let whatever in the after life decides.

I guess my understanding of women is that they only want a attractive, good looking man that can provide them with whatever. That's my understanding, and what I'm not.
 
Dallen said:
I don't know how to take charge of this situation. I have been talking to a therapist for a while now, and thus far, I really don't know what to do.

I mean we talk about fear. A lot of people have fear of being alone and no one wants that. I do know that right now I'm living that fear and it's not working for me and it's affecting everything I'm doing right now. What I can do about it? I have no idea. I can't force someone to love me or even be with me. The thought about having to live like this for another 40-50 years is just haunting and now I'm slowly starting to think perhaps I should just rewind and let whatever in the after life decides.

I guess my understanding of women is that they only want a attractive, good looking man that can provide them with whatever. That's my understanding, and what I'm not.
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You might be trying to hard. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are a lot of people you might not find attractive but others will. This site is a perfect example. Most people on here think that supermodels that are too skinny are ugly where as someone must think different or they wouldn't hit the cover of magazines. It is all what each individual wants. Sounds like you haven't found the right individual, but I think you should keep your head up. It is probably going to hit you when you aren't trying.
 
Oh, my apologies ... I thought you were bustin' on that hypothetical 40yo dude but you are concerned that that will be you.

I know little about you and less about psychology but my hunch is you do not suffer from any real disorders but suffer from some typical young adult insecurities, which are very real. These insecurities are not uncommon with young adults. The vast majority of people have these (I did) and the vast majority of people outgrow them (I did). And I am sure some people benefit from therapy to resolve these issues.
 
don't forget the possibility: he's a closet homosexual that cannot come to grips with his own sexuality, and thus hates himself for his 'dirty thoughts'...which is likely why he's eaten himself up to 300lbs and bitches about women.

one of life's cruelest problems is when you're not comfortable with your own self...how can you enjoy life feeling that way?
 
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