Psychological warfare on forums, help...

[BikeSwimLaugh]

Ughh....where to start. Keeping it simple, I'm active on a few other forums....one of them is sorta a car club that operates near my home, so it's not entirely like a distant thing, although there are forum members who don't live around here. It's a mix.

Getting right to it, I'm getting attacked by a couple of jerks who are really talented at keyboard warfare. It's embarassing and I'm afraid some of my friends and people I know might believe some of their accusations & insults....it feels a bit like they're bringing me down in the eyes of others.

I've been told to ignore it, blow it off, not to respond to it....but I just can't seem to work that out in my head. I hate to admit it, but it's ruining my head a bit....I'm spending time in my day upset, annoyed, thinking about it, obsessing about it, re-running it, etc. I really wish I could just turn it off....but I guess I just don't work that way.

I'm not sure who these guys are and it may just be one guy. There's one person in particular (a trust-fund baby who was my friend who I had a bad falling-out with) who I think it fueling it behind the scenes...he thrives on this sort of thing and he knows it bothers me, I think he's goating a couple tools into giving me a hard time. I've got to say, these guys are pretty talented....they've making all sorts of psychologically provoking comments and sorta getting into my head. I'm sure, in real life, they're a couple of losers compensating for their own issues...but still, it bugs me.

I do have friends over there, but most my friends just ignore the bs and leave it alone...or they don't want to step into the firing line. I didn't provoke these guys, they just seem to enjoy victimizing people.

Any suggestions? I'm fairy certain they can't trace me to this forum....if they did, things would go to hell.

So let me ask this....since thier attacks are getting to me, does that mean I'm somehow insecure in some manner that I can't blow it off???? I just can't understand why some people blow it off and others can't. I just don't like being made a fool of in front of people I know...I'm compelled to respond and they seem to thrive on it. Any thoughts or suggestions?

 

[LeiYunFat]

Why would you "blow off" libel against you? If you just let it go, your peers, no matter how illogical, will believe that since you didn't defend yourself, it must be true or may have some truth.

Especially since you see these people in real life, you should defend yourself.

You've been here a while, BSL. You're a good guy. We (not fitness.com, other folks) can invade this forum for you if you come up with a story that appeals to ethos and pathos to a greater extent.

 

[vojdancov]

Why would you "blow off" libel against you? If you just let it go, your peers, no matter how illogical, will believe that since you didn't defend yourself, it must be true or may have some truth.

Especially since you see these people in real life, you should defend yourself.

You've been here a while, BSL. You're a good guy. We (not fitness.com, other folks) can invade this forum for you if you come up with a story that appeals to ethos and pathos to a greater extent.

Depends on the situation, and what is said.
In some cases it's better to ignore the whole thing, why in order cases you need to stand up for yourself and "PWN" the one who's attacking you.

I have a couple of friends who like to get into arguments and talk smack even without a reason, they like to piss people off, they do that for fun.
I asked them once which is the best way to respond to them, so they'll stop with the smack talk. They said the thing that shuts them up, with no doubt is to ignore them, When they don't get any response the gradually stop attacking, because it's not fun anymore (It takes two to tango right?), I mean they wouldn't talk to themselves.

It depends on the situation as I said. You might also try being aggresive and teach those jerks a lesson!

 

[evolution]

I'm in the group that doesn't care what people say about me on an internet forum. If it's pissing you off that much, then just find a new forum...I just don't think what other people think about you (or anyone in general) should even remotely register as important. I leave an exemption to my kiddos and God.

On the flipside, if this is a forum with people you know, then call them out and ask to provide proof or shut up. If you know the guy who is "fueling it" just tell him you want to meet up with him and get this over with. I spent a good deal of my childhood and adolescent time in a country environment and fighting was an every day occurance. You'd fight, and after shake hands and what ever dispute was happening was settled that way-with the victor.

However, I should really hate and run Tony down for mistaking Voltron for Transformers.

p.s. Give us links so we can go and haet on the guys haeting on you.

 

[Trevor M.]

I'm in the group that doesn't care what people say about me

Right on, Evo.

BSL, I understand how frustrated you must feel. I can understand how this would bother you deeply. However, there comes a time when you have to let things slide. There will always be people out to "get" you. But, you have to learn to be thick skinned.

You say they are good at this "type wars"? Well, this is likely because they have plenty of practice. In which case, these people "feed" off of this. Going round and round with them will solve nothing but bring you pain and them enjoyment. Say your last words and be done with it. Don't let these asses ruin a moment of your life. You don't deserve it and they don't have the right.

 

[Wrangell]

Getting right to it, I'm getting attacked by a couple of jerks who are really talented at keyboard warfare. It's embarassing and I'm afraid some of my friends and people I know might believe some of their accusations & insults....it feels a bit like they're bringing me down in the eyes of others.

If the accusations are false, and your friends know you well, your friends should know that they are false as well - and as a result, they would likely ignore them....just as you should.

I've been told to ignore it, blow it off, not to respond to it....but I just can't seem to work that out in my head. I hate to admit it, but it's ruining my head a bit....I'm spending time in my day upset, annoyed, thinking about it, obsessing about it, re-running it, etc. I really wish I could just turn it off....but I guess I just don't work that way.

" I've been told to ignore it, blow it off, not to respond to it " - perfect advice IMO.

If you were being bullied in a schoolyard or at work, you could confront your accuser face to face in private and deal with it - physically if you had to. With cyber-bullying, everything you type back in retaliation is a matter of record and open for public consumption. Whereas you could punch a bully in the face day after day till they stop, there is nothing you can say in retaliation to a cyberbully to stop them dead in their tracks - short of getting them banned from the forum. In that case, speak to the forum mods.

who I think it fueling it behind the scenes...he thrives on this sort of thing and he knows it bothers me, I think he's goating a couple tools into giving me a hard time. I've got to say, these guys are pretty talented....they've making all sorts of psychologically provoking comments and sorta getting into my head. I'm sure, in real life, they're a couple of losers compensating for their own issues...but still, it bugs me.

If you respond ' in kind ' , then you could be accused of being a ' loser ' just as they are.

Don't take the bait - ignore them.

I do have friends over there, but most my friends just ignore the bs and leave it alone...or they don't want to step into the firing line. I didn't provoke these guys, they just seem to enjoy victimizing people.

Then do the same...just ignore it.

Any suggestions? I'm fairy certain they can't trace me to this forum....if they did, things would go to hell.

So let me ask this....since thier attacks are getting to me, does that mean I'm somehow insecure in some manner that I can't blow it off???? I just can't understand why some people blow it off and others can't. I just don't like being made a fool of in front of people I know...I'm compelled to respond and they seem to thrive on it. Any thoughts or suggestions?

You just have a ' thin skin ' is all.

If someone is attacking you on something that is true - then either simply apologize and or try and explain yourself.

If the attacks are false and truly unwarranted, then it sounds like you're simply being baited / bullied in efforts to get a reaction out of you. If you respond in kind, then you're just playing into their hands by giving them further motivation to escalate their attacks even further.

So, you can simply take a stance that " I'm not even going to dignify that comment with a response "...and simply put then on your ' ignore list '

 

[BikeSwimLaugh]

Why would you "blow off" libel against you? If you just let it go, your peers, no matter how illogical, will believe that since you didn't defend yourself, it must be true or may have some truth.

In some cases it's better to ignore the whole thing. What shuts them up, with no doubt is to ignore them, When they don't get any response the gradually stop attacking, because it's not fun anymore (It takes two to tango right?), I mean they wouldn't talk to themselves.

Give us links so we can go and haet on the guys haeting on you.

First of all.....THANKS for your words & support. Even though they should only help a bit, they help a lot and I really appreciate it.

I know the guy who put together the forum and he told me, about an hour ago, that he was going to ban those 2 guys and delete the whole thread. If it's still there, I'll send ya the link.

Very interesting approach to dealing with this sort of thing. My friend, the guy who runs the forum, told me the golden rule is to NEVER respond to these attacks. He says; you're inclined to defend yourself and hammer back...and you get the feeling you can bury these jerks...but in the end, they want your response, the feed on it, they're talking to eachother on the phone and this is what they do. The moment you acknowledge, respond, reply or give them the time of day....you make yourself look guilty as hell and lose face. So his position is to ignore it. Hard to do in light of some horrible & nasty accusations, but evidently that's the protocol...and that's also evidently what secure, successful and solid people do. (And that's what bothers me, why I'm inclined to respond and not be able to blow it off).

These guys were very clever, they never responded to my counter-accusations, they kept the pressure on me. Almost artful in nature.

In the end, I have to remind myself that of all the good & solid people I know...none of them act like this, none of them engage in such nonsense, hence; I'm dealing with cowards who hide behind their keyboard and were probably some nerds who got beat around in school. I dunno, but either way, they aren't wholesome people.

The site is not responding now, but if i need help I'd actually appreciate it and I'll give you a pm, thanks!!!!!!

 

[BikeSwimLaugh]

A couple other's posted-in while I was composing my response. All very good points and I agree.

I think part of the problem is that I enjoy writing and I feel/find it a challenge to try to outwit and respond in turn to these guys....but then it always turns rotten.

In this particular case, a couple other members came forward to straghten this guy out and I absolutely should have left it at that. Funny, it's like an ice-cream sundae....at first you want it, crave it, will enjoy it, have a rational why you can eat it....but afterwards there's the regret. Not a perfect analogy, but to some degree that's how it goes.

And Wrangell is right....my friends won't be influenced by the nonsense, if anything I end-up feeling embarrassed for sinking to their level. In the future, I won't be baited. Thanks!

Btw....tmrw is my weigh-in & evaluation after not seeing my nutritionist for nearly 2 months...should be interesting!!!

Hey guys, thanks for being there for me...this place has become a comfortable place for me. Too bad we all don't live closer to eachother.

 

[Kraken]

BSL, you just getta get witty and rip them to shreds.

They probably have nothing better to do then sit and stare at a computer screen all day. Sorta like me but I get paid for it. LOL

Who cares anyway, real friends who know you will always be there.

If you want PM me the link I specialize in spiking blood pressure. I'll have them so riled up they'll be typing 120 WPM. LOL

 

[Big_Idiot]

Just noticed this thread.

The ones who are spreading the bullsh!t are probably low life geeks.
Id agree with Kraken n rip the c*nts up!

But if thats not your thing, then like youve just mentioned...Getting them banned should solve it.

 

[Streamline]

 

[Dallen]

If you're offended by comments on the internet, then it's time to turn off the computer and go do something else. Seriously. 99.9% of the net is a complete joke and if you can't laugh about it, then you probably shouldn't get on the net.

Older folks have a harder time making distinctions between seriousness and silliness. They take everything seriously and it makes it even funnier. That's why the best pranks are funnier when done to the older population. Like that Arnold soundboard that someone posted the other day. Most of the people on it are older, and those who are young can tell right away that it's a joke.

So lesson learned? Don't take things seriously. When people have some level of protection, they feel invincible to say and do whatever. People usually don't do "bad" things simply because they fear violence. You can see the differences in many places. For example, people driving in cars usually flip people off, but as soon as they stop at the red light and you start to get out of the car to ask what the problem is, they burn rubber. Also, when you go into a store and someone gives the cashier a hard time only because they know they can't say anything back without losing a job. But as soon as you, another customer say something back, they stop whatever they're talking about and leave. Same thing applies to the net. Heck, it’s even more funnier when you listen to a friend who screaming profane words playing a game when in real life they wouldn’t say anything out of the ordinary.

It’s nothing to do with the fact that someone is evil or whatever. It’s human nature at work. When you remove authority and the ability to perform physical violence, people begin to act differently. That is why whenever there is a major disaster in your area, it’s best to stay indoors and lock and secure.

 

[BikeSwimLaugh]

The one twist you guys have to remember is that this particular forum is comprised largely of a bunch of guys that I hang-out with on weekends. It's a car-club thing.....so it's not a bunch of faceless screen-names & anonimity, this is the way we hang-out during the week.

I know who was behind it and he and his friend were banned already, the whole thread taken-down too. As most stories are, it's quite complicated, but like you guys, the real people on this forum came to me and just said to ignore it. If I could go back in time, I'd have just replied "Nice biat, not bothering to dignify it with a response...this is all you get, sorry, better luck trolling next time".

As one of my good friends said, I'm tempted to respond because I think I can hammer them and give them crap...and somehow "win"...but you know what they say about winning and the special Olympics....same thing.

Next time I'll ignore it OR get a few of you guys behind me to overwhelm them! Oddly enough, these things can be fun in a twisted sorta way. But I promise you, in this case the guy coming after me was way out-of-line and he was told so by many. And yeah, just a geek with time on his hands....but I have to say, he had excellent psychologically provoking skilz.

Moving on, and again...thanks for the support/help/thoughts.

 

[NBS 4life]

I left a forum for a similar reason, I personally would go round to this persons house and ask him straight up face to face what his problem is but that probably isnt the best idea.

I too dont really care what people think of me. Have you thought of just ignoring this punk?

 

[marko157]

This seems like bullying to me ......i detest bullies.
So if you know this guy my advise would be ...stand up to him by smacking the sh!t square in the mouth.

Most importantly dont let it get under your skin ...life is too short.

I personally would`nt hang around with ass holes like that

 

[BikeSwimLaugh]

I personally would go round to this persons house and ask him straight up face to face what his problem is but that probably isnt the best idea.

...stand up to him by smacking the sh!t square in the mouth.

Sorry...I didn't explain the dynamic properly. The forum is mostly a group of local guys that we all know. The guy attacking me....not sure who he is. There's one guy (local) that I was friends with but I had a falling-out with, I think he's behind this (he'll deny it) and he brought in some ringer to hassle me and shake me down in front of everyone.

It's done, it's over.

I really felt like I could hammer the guy and have some fun with him, but in the end it just got mucky and I probably looked like a child playing into it. I truly should have just responded with "Such enticing bait...but I'll pass, thanks!"

 

[BikeSwimLaugh]

I think I just had a heart attack

That wasn't a heart-attack. Pick-up the nail file and move along.

 

[Dallen]

Ah I see what you mean now. I thought it was a random dude and you're worried that random people are looking at it. Well in any case, physical violence never solves anything, and promising physical violence is equally ridiculous. I say let it go. It's quite funny to read. I had a similar problem with this club I joined that has an online forum. I didn't respond, but when we got together again, we just laughed it off. No one bothered to erase it since we didn't really care. All important things are said in real life, and the forum only existed as a way to discuss outside of the meetings. If I were to promise physical violence or something, I would have looked like the bad guy.

So next time chill out. Take it easy. And remember, you're in a car club, so you have 1 out of 3 items necessary for a drive by.

 

[flyinfree]

you coul always do like me.

Post, post, post, and then post.

never, ever, ever, at all costs, never read.

just post and scoot right along.

who cares what the response is

if you are posting to get responses then that's a different story.

such as this post of mine.

I WILL NEVER CLICK ON THIS THREAD AGAIN!

i go tto say my bit, and bye.

gotta love that.

oh- and since this is not a chit chat car club mental jerk-off forum-
SWEAT DAILY! and everythign will work out.

xoxoxoxox
FF
FF

 

[BikeSwimLaugh]

Which gives me an idea for another interesting forum topic: what's the longest you've ever gone before returning to a thread that you swore (to frustrate them) that you'd never return to?

The car club thing was like magic 2 years ago...everyone got along, it was new, fresh & exciting....but over time micro-bullsh!t developed between people, issues came about, some people became less popular, etc. One guy lost a lot of face by his antics and he actually took something I said, exaggerated it and in some deranged way tried to re-establish some credibility by whistle-blowing something on me. It's a ridiculously weird story, but I, in turn, burned this guy to the ground. In defending myself, it all back-fired on him and along with many other people, he's got it out for me. It's all just stupid internet stuff. He's active on a few other forums and he apparently got some snazzy internet bullies to jump on a thread I posted. Nothing more then that.

I think the problem is, you put a lot of energy, time and thought into participating in a forum...you make friends and have the notion that you're a liked & respected member....then somebody comes along and starts leveling accusations, insults and slanderous comments at you. You defend yourself and it goes from there. This guy was very talented, he never addressed any of the remarks or criticism directed at him....yet I answered & responded to everything he said about me. He used broad strokes and blanket insults in an almost artistic fashion. As internet warfare goes, it was very educational....but as pointed-out, in the end it's still just the internet and a bullies hiding behind their keyboards.