I was really unsure whether I wanted to post this, as it feels really personal. But I have decided to do it. Hehe.
Foreword
In this log I am merely trying to supress this self doubt I have deep inside of me. To address my problems I need to write them down as they are, unedited. Obviously I am nothing spectacular, I have no right to be as I haven't worked hard enough for that, but I'm hoping to have some support from the great members of this community, and I just want to make it clear, when I do mention something as it is, such as an accomplishment, I am doing it knowing full well that it is not as good as it could be, and am just highlighting my main problems, most importantly to myself. I origionally wrote this story in MS word earlier in the form of a story to myself, but thought I should include it here, with some editing because I need witnesses and people who are also working towards their own goals to aid me to suceed, that is why I am on this site, so you see I'm not really an arrogant person, even if I sound like it. Also a lot of what I am writing you don't need to know, it just helps me to write it all down, so that this part of my life is plastered down, it's just my way. Thanks
I woke up this morning, at 11.40am, as a well built, lean, 6ft, 157lbs brown haired, blue eyed, 15 year old boy. Fresh into 10th grade. I have always been naturally gifted (apparently) for both academic and athletic areas, and told this by many people including past coaches for sports(more detail later). I lay there thinking to myself about my life, and my past year, as well as current situations I am having with a girl, and then suddenly sat up and thought...
"Boom. Time to reach your ******* potential"
My story
Start of my long tale, basically a biography of my past year and a half. Faint of heart, stop reading now. People with time, please, continue. :11doh: This is personal, but its not really part of this blog. It's just to remind me of some of the points in my past year
You see...
Truth be told, I haven't pushed myself to the levels I should have. Ever. Don't get me wrong, I haven't slacked to a remarkable degree, but cruising on 30% of my ability is still a huge issue that I feel I finally need to subdue in my GCSE years, as I progress up the ladder to adulthood. The thing is, on 30% I can get through life to a good standard. Examples are stamped all over my school life - I am recognised as the best runner in my year, and one of the top 5 athletes spread over all sports. People seem to think I'm doing really well sportswise, and think I'm fit, and shouldn't say I'm not, but for my potential I am nowhere.
The same applies for academics, my ability is there, I can attain above average grades, and I go to a very selective school one of the best in the country. Yet here's my problem. I COULD do better. Every parents night at my school since I was 9 years old has been the same. I get told I am very intelligent and am doing very well, but I could try so much harder. On the other side with sport, I played competitive tennis for 6 years, and every single one of my coaches who had coached at very high levels said I had the most ability in my group, and that I could make it as a pro.
If you ask my closest friends they would all say that I am not reaching my potential as well. It seems to me that I need a second chance to realise nearly all of my mistakes. It wasn't untill about 2 years ago that I really realised this. A tennis coach came along, and told me straight that I am being selfish. To my self. He said that I lacked the confidence and that he could tell. It was true. This guy tried so many ploys to get me making a sustained effort, but I couldn't. It was something deep inside, some self doubt, something I shouldn't have had. Sometimes though, I would get pumped, and when this happened I was in my own league. I blew my competition out of the water, I don't know how, but I was in the zone. Last August I gave up tennis, I had burnt myself out, through injury, and I thought I needed to take a good look at my life in general. I wasn't there mentally. My confidence was growing, but I needed to improve in other areas. At the start of my last school year I was still injured, I was just cruising. I didn't care about much, part of me was screaming at me to get out and give it 100%, this was around the same time I joined this site.
I can officially say it, I improved, a bit... I started lifting and getting a bit better. School was still just me sailing. Around mid-october, I got together with a really great girl, and things looked good... for about a week
School holiday time, one week off. I went to spain. There I went to the gym twice, and really remember giving it my all to get fitter. The swimming pools outside were cold. Nobody really used them. Not me. I got in that pool and swam 50 lengths. The water was freezing, and after about 30 lengths of rapid frontcrawl my arms were lead. I have swam over 2500 metres before, but in these temperatures at these speeds it was a completely different experience. It hurt. But was so satisfying. As I swam I noticed this guy standing on the balcony, watching me. When I got out of the pool he said to me something like "Your a really good swimmer, that was crazy". That moment when I received a compliment was great. That was another taste of my potential.
I broke up with my girlfriend because I lost feelings for her, and it went wrong. But we started talking again soon after and became really good friends. But something was always there, and it still is (later problem).
Fast forwarding to July. A Huge stretch, I had briefly attended an athletics group but realised that in order to run my middle distance events, I would have to become a pixie, still, I was slightly fitter (not desirable fitness level though), and things were better. I had taken 4 GCSE's 3 of them some new science exams which are 33.3% of total grade (and did well considering lack of work). The one thing that stung though was this: Although I had dated a few girls since the one mentioned previously, we were still talking a lot. She was dating someone else who is a really cool guy, and she liked him, but here it is: not as much as me. Great. We liked each other again. She had been seeing him since April, it was July. It really started to sting, especially because although she wanted to she couldn't end it with him due to guilt. Her personality basically. Sportsday arrived near the end of term, I felt like crap, and just fluked my way through winning a field event I'm hella glad some of you peeps on here weren't involved, that's for sure ;-) then on came the 800m. Me and said girl weren't talking. Long story, even too extreme to publish in this. I was pissed. I destroyed the field. I beat the guys 3 years above me. Only two people beat me, both had trained for this, and were in good shape on the day, and 3 years older. I even impressed myself that day. As my friend said "If you could have breathed through your nose nobody would have touched you."
Day finished well, she dumped him (little did I know).
Fastforward to end of August just gone. I was happy, and fitter. I had spent 3 weeks getting fit with my best friend, this is partly what has motivated me to what I am about to commit to. The girl problems though were spectacular. We kept falling out, inbetween going on holiday, we weren't dating, but still there were problems. This leads up to September and todays realisation... (if anyone can actually offer me relationship advice and wants to hear the story, please do. Thanks
I am not going to go into detail into what happened to me in the past week, I myself can't even comprehend it, but it involved a big falling out with the girl, including realising she was really upset, and she didn't know why. (Again, if you want the story for this, and think you can help. Please do.) My first two days of school were not great, but after a motivational speech from my friend and realising what I needed to do, as well as partly sorting out my girl problems and woke up. Thinking "BOOM, time to become great." I realised that I over the past year I have grown mentally. I had already planned to work so much harder this year, but when I woke up and lay there, I was enlightened. Everything was in perspective. I needed to go with the flow. I needed to put full effort in and stop worrying. I realised nearly all my self doubt had gone recently. And in the words of my friend I just needed to "live".
End of the story
The Aim
The aim of this journal is to be open about what I have done 'wrong' in the past and improve on paper, in front of me, with people I know will judge fairly will watch. I want to reach my potential, and want other people to see that I have. I also think that writing this will clear my head, as I am sure many of you have experienced in their own ways. I haven't the time to write a book, but many people who have written one about their lives have said how it has changed the way they view life. I am here, having my fresh start. Ready to seize my potential by the horns, and ride it, as I am sure many of you have already done in your lives.
The Goals
As this is a fitness forum I will focus this log on fitness especially, but the social and academic aspects will be included. I may as well 'bare all' so to speak:
Fitness
This is my aim for January 1st 2006
For the rest of my academic year
For the rest of my life
The Quotes
Motivational quotes for me to reflect on and feed off. Bold=Best
"Carpe diem" - Horace (Odes 1.11)
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle
The worst thing that one can do is not try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized -- and never knowing.
David Viscott
Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.
George Halas
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.
Buddha
Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting, but never hit soft.
Theodore Roosevelt
The boy who is going to make a great man must not make up his mind merely to overcome a thousand obstacles, but to win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats.
Theodore Roosevelt
What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.
Mohandas Gandhi (shows the diversity of people's feelings about how some things have turned out. Perhaps if we all gave 100% the world would be a much better place)
One thing is sure. We have to do something. We have to do the best we know how at the moment....If it doesn't turn out right, we can modify it as we go along. - Roosevelt
Thanks to all who gave me quotes to add. Much appreciated!!
Will add more later.
Closing Words
I wouldn't say I have had a difficult life. On the contary. I do believe however, that sometimes in peoples lives, especially when they are young, a person can look at themselves and think, "do I really want to keep going like this, or do I want to reach my potential"
A lot of thought went into this, I guess I have had a day of thinking. As far as I care this is a new start to me. By Christmas slowly but surely, I want to be an even better person.
Thank you.
Btw. If anybody has quotes that they would like to add, then please, list them down. Thank you!
Foreword
In this log I am merely trying to supress this self doubt I have deep inside of me. To address my problems I need to write them down as they are, unedited. Obviously I am nothing spectacular, I have no right to be as I haven't worked hard enough for that, but I'm hoping to have some support from the great members of this community, and I just want to make it clear, when I do mention something as it is, such as an accomplishment, I am doing it knowing full well that it is not as good as it could be, and am just highlighting my main problems, most importantly to myself. I origionally wrote this story in MS word earlier in the form of a story to myself, but thought I should include it here, with some editing because I need witnesses and people who are also working towards their own goals to aid me to suceed, that is why I am on this site, so you see I'm not really an arrogant person, even if I sound like it. Also a lot of what I am writing you don't need to know, it just helps me to write it all down, so that this part of my life is plastered down, it's just my way. Thanks
I woke up this morning, at 11.40am, as a well built, lean, 6ft, 157lbs brown haired, blue eyed, 15 year old boy. Fresh into 10th grade. I have always been naturally gifted (apparently) for both academic and athletic areas, and told this by many people including past coaches for sports(more detail later). I lay there thinking to myself about my life, and my past year, as well as current situations I am having with a girl, and then suddenly sat up and thought...
"Boom. Time to reach your ******* potential"
My story
Start of my long tale, basically a biography of my past year and a half. Faint of heart, stop reading now. People with time, please, continue. :11doh: This is personal, but its not really part of this blog. It's just to remind me of some of the points in my past year
You see...
Truth be told, I haven't pushed myself to the levels I should have. Ever. Don't get me wrong, I haven't slacked to a remarkable degree, but cruising on 30% of my ability is still a huge issue that I feel I finally need to subdue in my GCSE years, as I progress up the ladder to adulthood. The thing is, on 30% I can get through life to a good standard. Examples are stamped all over my school life - I am recognised as the best runner in my year, and one of the top 5 athletes spread over all sports. People seem to think I'm doing really well sportswise, and think I'm fit, and shouldn't say I'm not, but for my potential I am nowhere.
The same applies for academics, my ability is there, I can attain above average grades, and I go to a very selective school one of the best in the country. Yet here's my problem. I COULD do better. Every parents night at my school since I was 9 years old has been the same. I get told I am very intelligent and am doing very well, but I could try so much harder. On the other side with sport, I played competitive tennis for 6 years, and every single one of my coaches who had coached at very high levels said I had the most ability in my group, and that I could make it as a pro.
If you ask my closest friends they would all say that I am not reaching my potential as well. It seems to me that I need a second chance to realise nearly all of my mistakes. It wasn't untill about 2 years ago that I really realised this. A tennis coach came along, and told me straight that I am being selfish. To my self. He said that I lacked the confidence and that he could tell. It was true. This guy tried so many ploys to get me making a sustained effort, but I couldn't. It was something deep inside, some self doubt, something I shouldn't have had. Sometimes though, I would get pumped, and when this happened I was in my own league. I blew my competition out of the water, I don't know how, but I was in the zone. Last August I gave up tennis, I had burnt myself out, through injury, and I thought I needed to take a good look at my life in general. I wasn't there mentally. My confidence was growing, but I needed to improve in other areas. At the start of my last school year I was still injured, I was just cruising. I didn't care about much, part of me was screaming at me to get out and give it 100%, this was around the same time I joined this site.
I can officially say it, I improved, a bit... I started lifting and getting a bit better. School was still just me sailing. Around mid-october, I got together with a really great girl, and things looked good... for about a week
School holiday time, one week off. I went to spain. There I went to the gym twice, and really remember giving it my all to get fitter. The swimming pools outside were cold. Nobody really used them. Not me. I got in that pool and swam 50 lengths. The water was freezing, and after about 30 lengths of rapid frontcrawl my arms were lead. I have swam over 2500 metres before, but in these temperatures at these speeds it was a completely different experience. It hurt. But was so satisfying. As I swam I noticed this guy standing on the balcony, watching me. When I got out of the pool he said to me something like "Your a really good swimmer, that was crazy". That moment when I received a compliment was great. That was another taste of my potential.
I broke up with my girlfriend because I lost feelings for her, and it went wrong. But we started talking again soon after and became really good friends. But something was always there, and it still is (later problem).
Fast forwarding to July. A Huge stretch, I had briefly attended an athletics group but realised that in order to run my middle distance events, I would have to become a pixie, still, I was slightly fitter (not desirable fitness level though), and things were better. I had taken 4 GCSE's 3 of them some new science exams which are 33.3% of total grade (and did well considering lack of work). The one thing that stung though was this: Although I had dated a few girls since the one mentioned previously, we were still talking a lot. She was dating someone else who is a really cool guy, and she liked him, but here it is: not as much as me. Great. We liked each other again. She had been seeing him since April, it was July. It really started to sting, especially because although she wanted to she couldn't end it with him due to guilt. Her personality basically. Sportsday arrived near the end of term, I felt like crap, and just fluked my way through winning a field event I'm hella glad some of you peeps on here weren't involved, that's for sure ;-) then on came the 800m. Me and said girl weren't talking. Long story, even too extreme to publish in this. I was pissed. I destroyed the field. I beat the guys 3 years above me. Only two people beat me, both had trained for this, and were in good shape on the day, and 3 years older. I even impressed myself that day. As my friend said "If you could have breathed through your nose nobody would have touched you."
Day finished well, she dumped him (little did I know).
Fastforward to end of August just gone. I was happy, and fitter. I had spent 3 weeks getting fit with my best friend, this is partly what has motivated me to what I am about to commit to. The girl problems though were spectacular. We kept falling out, inbetween going on holiday, we weren't dating, but still there were problems. This leads up to September and todays realisation... (if anyone can actually offer me relationship advice and wants to hear the story, please do. Thanks
I am not going to go into detail into what happened to me in the past week, I myself can't even comprehend it, but it involved a big falling out with the girl, including realising she was really upset, and she didn't know why. (Again, if you want the story for this, and think you can help. Please do.) My first two days of school were not great, but after a motivational speech from my friend and realising what I needed to do, as well as partly sorting out my girl problems and woke up. Thinking "BOOM, time to become great." I realised that I over the past year I have grown mentally. I had already planned to work so much harder this year, but when I woke up and lay there, I was enlightened. Everything was in perspective. I needed to go with the flow. I needed to put full effort in and stop worrying. I realised nearly all my self doubt had gone recently. And in the words of my friend I just needed to "live".
End of the story
The Aim
The aim of this journal is to be open about what I have done 'wrong' in the past and improve on paper, in front of me, with people I know will judge fairly will watch. I want to reach my potential, and want other people to see that I have. I also think that writing this will clear my head, as I am sure many of you have experienced in their own ways. I haven't the time to write a book, but many people who have written one about their lives have said how it has changed the way they view life. I am here, having my fresh start. Ready to seize my potential by the horns, and ride it, as I am sure many of you have already done in your lives.
The Goals
As this is a fitness forum I will focus this log on fitness especially, but the social and academic aspects will be included. I may as well 'bare all' so to speak:
Fitness
This is my aim for January 1st 2006
- Get up to 170lbs
- Increase my bench from 80kg to 100kg
- Increase my leg strength and size. Squat over 125kg
- Deadlift 130kg
- Be ready to run my ass off in 2008
- Keep my diet as clean as posible.
- Reach my potential
For the rest of my academic year
- Achieve highest possible grades
- Learn new things daily
- Keep on top of work
- Reach my potential
For the rest of my life
- Stick up for my friends
- Stay positive
- Be a better person
- To live my whole life to my potential.
The Quotes
Motivational quotes for me to reflect on and feed off. Bold=Best
"Carpe diem" - Horace (Odes 1.11)
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
Aristotle
The worst thing that one can do is not try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized -- and never knowing.
David Viscott
Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.
George Halas
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.
Buddha
Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting, but never hit soft.
Theodore Roosevelt
The boy who is going to make a great man must not make up his mind merely to overcome a thousand obstacles, but to win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats.
Theodore Roosevelt
What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.
Mohandas Gandhi (shows the diversity of people's feelings about how some things have turned out. Perhaps if we all gave 100% the world would be a much better place)
One thing is sure. We have to do something. We have to do the best we know how at the moment....If it doesn't turn out right, we can modify it as we go along. - Roosevelt
Thanks to all who gave me quotes to add. Much appreciated!!
Will add more later.
Closing Words
I wouldn't say I have had a difficult life. On the contary. I do believe however, that sometimes in peoples lives, especially when they are young, a person can look at themselves and think, "do I really want to keep going like this, or do I want to reach my potential"
A lot of thought went into this, I guess I have had a day of thinking. As far as I care this is a new start to me. By Christmas slowly but surely, I want to be an even better person.
Thank you.
Btw. If anybody has quotes that they would like to add, then please, list them down. Thank you!
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