Marsia's Diary

[Cate]

I think I found what will cure my frozen shoulder. Reaching out to do swim strokes is the perfect thing!

Oh, that's excellent!

I hope we both find good ways to lose weight again that aren't so darn hard. I really don't want to have to count calories the rest of my life in fear of gaining because it's so impossible to lose anything!!

I hope so too!
Well done getting through that call with J with equanimity. That's the first time I have used that word.

 

[Llama]

Great to hear you could stay in your center during the call! If you have the option communicating how he could be the good guy and praising him on the occasions when he does what you need him to do but without actually expecting follow-through, ever, might be your best bet. Any time he notices he's managed to get under your skin he "wins".

 

[Marsia]

Oh, that's excellent!

I hope so too!
Well done getting through that call with J with equanimity. That's the first time I have used that word.

Thanks Cate! I am starting to get anxiety about anything to do with J, so I thought I'd nip it in the bud and meditate beforehand, and I'm so glad that worked. With the possible insulin resistance, I figure there are athletes who are in their 80s and 90s. Maybe we were meant to become super healthy people who can do some aerobic exercise every day even when we get that old. Not that we necessarily have to become marathon runners or anything, maybe we just dance while doing the sweeping up and such. I picture confetti animated gifs going off as you typed equanimity, celebrating using a fun word for the first time. I love how much you love fun words!

Great to hear you could stay in your center during the call! If you have the option communicating how he could be the good guy and praising him on the occasions when he does what you need him to do but without actually expecting follow-through, ever, might be your best bet. Any time he notices he's managed to get under your skin he "wins".

Thanks Llama, that's so helpful being reminded to work with J's narcissistic side and not challenge him. When I feel pushed, I tend to push back automatically, and I need to pause and think about that, for sure. Praise really does work with him, so thanks for that!

Today I hope to tackle the laundry room which is a mess. That's where I put my stuff I need to sort like my seeds which need organizing. I want to get a lot of the things packed up that we won't use again until we move over the next few weeks and hopefully get a lot of the yard work done outside. There are 30-something 10 foot fence posts (and a bunch of 6 foot ones around the veggie garden) that I sunk into the ground a few feet so hurricanes didn't unleash them, but now I have to dig them up - yikes! and I need to trim all the palm trees and these cool palm-like bushes that look prehistoric but are very spiky, and there are a ton of them. I also need to get up all the pine cones in the huge yard that dropped from the pine forest - there are a ton of them. I should weed the place where the forest abuts the lawn, too. It looks really nice when the forest floor is tan from pine needles and the lawn is green. The person who did the landscaping made the lines between the forest and lawn be nice sweeping curves that look really nice in photos especially. Have to get everything picture perfect (or pretty nice anyway) again. So hopefully I can practice the Tru slightly out of breath technique a lot and kill 2 birds with one stone!

 

[liza3]

That swim sounds so nice. That sounds like a nice plan to do morning swims where you won't get the crowds. Good for you with the call with J. It all sounds exhausting and I, too, am glad you live in a place of such beauty so that it helps make getting through it all a little easier.

Good luck with the laundry room clean up. I am back to trying to get my place more organized, less cluttered etc.
It sounds like a lot to do with the outdoor work. I hope you can manage it without straining your shoulder!

 

[Llama]

If nothing else I'd be mourning all the dreams and work you put into that lovely house. But since you're so good at looking on the bright side I'm sure you are instead thinking of all the wonderful things you'll want to do with your future living space.

 

[Cate]

I picture confetti animated gifs going off as you typed equanimity, celebrating using a fun word for the first time. I love how much you love fun words!

Sweet I did a mental happy dance when I typed it. My Dad loved certain words, like Botswana & used to repeat them & smile. I got that from him.

So hopefully I can practice the Tru slightly out of breath technique a lot and kill 2 birds with one stone!

I love how you turn lemons into lemonade xo

 

[Marsia]

That swim sounds so nice. That sounds like a nice plan to do morning swims where you won't get the crowds. Good for you with the call with J. It all sounds exhausting and I, too, am glad you live in a place of such beauty so that it helps make getting through it all a little easier.

Good luck with the laundry room clean up. I am back to trying to get my place more organized, less cluttered etc.
It sounds like a lot to do with the outdoor work. I hope you can manage it without straining your shoulder!

Thanks Liza! I just have to figure out how to swim with a floppy hat on in the waves because I am getting way too much sun and need to be careful. Maybe swimming in the morning will be less intense. It really helps going out in the garden. When I go out to water or putter in the yard, I instantly feel sane and happy again and also lucky to live in a place that looks like a movie set. I got a lot of the laundry room done today with K's help. It looks lovely in there, but I took out the stuff to sort, so the other rooms have the messy piles now. But it won't take long to finish that up, and it is really nice how most projects left are not too intensive (except for some outdoor stuff that I'll chip away at each day). I plan to teach K to use my alligator loppers for things I can't reach up to. It's a mini-chain saw with guards on the blades which make it nearly impossible to cut yourself. I think she'll like them. They are very satisfying to use.

If nothing else I'd be mourning all the dreams and work you put into that lovely house. But since you're so good at looking on the bright side I'm sure you are instead thinking of all the wonderful things you'll want to do with your future living space.

I know, Llama. It was so hard giving away all my lovely fruit trees, asparagus buckets, flowering shrubs, berry bushes, ... But they got good homes and we'll go off and live where we fit in better and it's not so hot that you want to hide indoors in the summer. Sometimes we go sit on the floor in the kitchen because I picked out really nice tile for the floor, and it is soothing to sit on it. So we'll appreciate everything a lot before we move, and then go off on a new adventure. I already started an ideas folder on the computer for things I'd like to do with different style houses I see on the real estate sites. And I looked up what sort of fruit trees to get for the new growing zone, and I have all sorts of plans and schemes!

Sweet I did a mental happy dance when I typed it. My Dad loved certain words, like Botswana & used to repeat them & smile. I got that from him.

I love how you turn lemons into lemonade xo

I love things like repeating Botswana to yourself. My family was into funny sayings and songs. I sing stuff to K all the time like, "It's so lonely on the saddle since my horse died!"

Today was nice and productive. K did a lot on her website, I got my data nearly straightened out on the computer, and the laundry room is sparkly. I am back down 4 pounds from the highest weight, and hope to keep it that way. I am watching myself carefully so I don't eat it right back! I figure I will alternate eating lighter and exercising more, and hopefully trick my body into losing the silly fat! It's funny, I didn't think of myself as someone who makes lemonade with lemons, but I guess I have become like that. That's neat.

 

[Llama]

I just have to figure out how to swim with a floppy hat on in the waves because I am getting way too much sun and need to be careful.

The only way to swim wearing a floppy hat is to keep your head in a position that's terrible for your neck and shoulders. Please just use waterproof sunblock.

 

[Marsia]

Thanks Llama. I wore it last time and I think I sweat it off eventually. I guess I'll go back to the shore and reapply it. Thanks!

 

[liza3]

I got a lot of the laundry room done today with K's help. It looks lovely in there,

Nice! That's inspiring for me to keep plugging away at mine. i want to do a really good spring cleaning/purging over the next few weeks.

we'll go off and live where we fit in better and it's not so hot that you want to hide indoors in the summer.

I used to live in a super hot place, and I'm so glad that I live in a much cooler place now. We still get a heat wave here and there but it's generally so much better. Long hot summers are so hard.

I am back down 4 pounds from the highest weight

Oh nice one!

 

[Emilyrose]

If K can go to college this year instead of next, I think that would be really good for her. Being around loads of kids her own age will distract her so much from all the stuff that has happened at home. I know you'll miss her a lot but it will also give you a chance to pursue your own interests and not have to worry so much about her. Just my two cents, take it or leave it.

I love the idea of your home being like a movie set! That's pretty cool.

 

[Cate]

It's funny, I didn't think of myself as someone who makes lemonade with lemons, but I guess I have become like that. That's neat.

Sometimes we need others to point out our strengths. I know I am my biggest critic & it takes you & my other forum friends to pull me up. I appreciate that.

My family was into funny sayings and songs. I sing stuff to K all the time like, "It's so lonely on the saddle since my horse died!"

I love this!
This might give you a laugh-
"Rules Of The Blues" by Memphis Earlene
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes... sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch--ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and company motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chompin' on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. Highway
b. Jailhouse
c. An empty bed
d. Bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. Gallery openings
c. Ivy league institutions
d. Golf courses
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. You have the right to sing the Blues if:
a. You older than dirt
b. You blind
c. You shot a man in Memphis
d. You can't be satisfied
14. You don't have the right to sing the Blues if:
a. You have all your teeth
b. You were once blind but now can see
c. The man in Memphis lived
d. You have a pension fund
15. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
16. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues
17. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. Cheap wine
b. Whiskey or bourbon
c. Muddy water
d. Nasty black coffee
18. The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
19. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broke-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
20. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
21. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
22. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
23. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Melon, Kiwi, etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
24. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own even one computer, you cannot sing the blues.

 

[Marsia]

Nice! That's inspiring for me to keep plugging away at mine. i want to do a really good spring cleaning/purging over the next few weeks.

I used to live in a super hot place, and I'm so glad that I live in a much cooler place now. We still get a heat wave here and there but it's generally so much better. Long hot summers are so hard.


Oh nice one!

Thanks Liza! The laundry room looks great now. I think I just have a day of sorting and the stuff from the laundry room. I just have to get myself to do it!

If K can go to college this year instead of next, I think that would be really good for her. Being around loads of kids her own age will distract her so much from all the stuff that has happened at home. I know you'll miss her a lot but it will also give you a chance to pursue your own interests and not have to worry so much about her. Just my two cents, take it or leave it.

I love the idea of your home being like a movie set! That's pretty cool.

I agree Em. She met up with a band the other night and will substitute for their lead singer and guitarist who is taking a break, and it really perked her up. She was glowing with happiness when she got home!

Thanks for the super fun explanation of writing the blues - I love it! We sometimes make up bits of songs about the south while driving in the car (things like how many traffic signs, guard rails, and mailboxes we pass that get knocked out by passing cars), and I have to show this to K - she will love this!

I have been a little out of sorts the last few days. I just feel so blah and unable to stick to any goals or make myself pack up the house. I have been packing for so many years with all the house remodels and moving temporarily in CA and then to here. I am so totally tired of packing. I wish we had more money to go visit the northeast coast and take a break and explore. It would help to get some inspiration. We did manage to go swimming yesterday. K spotted 3 jellyfish swimming in the water, so we carefully floated in the shallows and mostly just relaxed. It was chilly out, so being in the water felt warmer than getting out, and it was nice and relaxing. It may just be that I stressed myself out doing all the paperwork for homeschooling and sending that off. It's always a lot of confusing forms that need to be perfect, and the forms never work correctly and you can't input what you need to in the little slots on the forms. If you don't do it right, you might get audited by the home school association or by the state, so it's stressful. But it's done and K has graduated!! We took most of yesterday off, and I am feeling mostly better. I think I am stressing about mediation and it is affecting everything else. I think I'll meditate more.

 

[liza3]

Sorry to hear you've been feeling a bit blah and out of sorts. You got lots going on and it seems natural that you'd have days like that for sure. I would be exhausted with it all. You do really well for seeing the positive and keeping up good spirits for the most part, but yeah I can imagine how it would get tiring. Especially if you have heat and humidity added to the mix!
I hope you find your return to energy soon.

 

[Llama]

Well done on all that paperwork! Sadly there's a whole group of people who use homeschooling as a cover for plain old neglect and abuse so it's a good thing your state has strict regulations but making the forms unnecessarily complicated is annoying and counterproductive.
Congrats K on finding a band to play with! How lovely to get that joy back.

 

[Emilyrose]

Sorry to hear you are a little stressed. Have a hug!

Congratulations on K's graduation and that's also lovely news about her filling in for the band for a bit. You can be the cool mom cheering her on in the crowd! Lol.

 

[Cate]

You have every reason to feel blah & are not getting the chance to just relax & not worry about anything for a while. Moving house is stressful enough without everything else that's going on in your life. Try to think of packing as the last time you will have to. This will be for you & your future & the next place will be your choice. Imagine that.

 

[Marsia]

Sorry to hear you've been feeling a bit blah and out of sorts. You got lots going on and it seems natural that you'd have days like that for sure. I would be exhausted with it all. You do really well for seeing the positive and keeping up good spirits for the most part, but yeah I can imagine how it would get tiring. Especially if you have heat and humidity added to the mix!
I hope you find your return to energy soon.

Thanks Liza, that's so nice of you! It helps being reminded that this is overwhelming stuff. After I read your response, I decided that today was a total day off and we did relaxing things like put on bathing suits and talked in the jetted tub, took our nice marsh walk, K practiced guitar, and I made lists of questions for all the different people I need to contact, which was really a relief to get all that out of my head and on paper. We are getting a trauma informed yoga book after talking about how we want to spend the next few months. It's getting so hot we'll do treadmill, yoga, swimming, and biking, and K and I both want to get so we're good at aerobic exercise again. It was so good making myself take the full day off!

Well done on all that paperwork! Sadly there's a whole group of people who use homeschooling as a cover for plain old neglect and abuse so it's a good thing your state has strict regulations but making the forms unnecessarily complicated is annoying and counterproductive.
Congrats K on finding a band to play with! How lovely to get that joy back.

Thanks Llama, I forgot how intense a year's worth of documentation is, even though I've kept really good records all year. They want it in a completely different format to how I do it, so it is a total pain. It's so wonderful that K found a band, and also such a wonderful coincidence that they need a temporary guitarist and singer and she needs a temporary band. It is like it was meant to be!

Sorry to hear you are a little stressed. Have a hug!

Congratulations on K's graduation and that's also lovely news about her filling in for the band for a bit. You can be the cool mom cheering her on in the crowd! Lol.

Thanks Em! I'm feeling lots better now. K is in a punk band because that's the only music scene she's found here for young adults. So I think I'll ask for recordings and avoid the mosh-pit!! K's so happy that she's graduated. I looked through what she did for just English this year, and I really packed in a lot. I tried to really get her ready for college, and I think she did so well.

You have every reason to feel blah & are not getting the chance to just relax & not worry about anything for a while. Moving house is stressful enough without everything else that's going on in your life. Try to think of packing as the last time you will have to. This will be for you & your future & the next place will be your choice. Imagine that.

Thanks Cate - that helps so much!!! I love the idea of packing for the very last time in life. That's such an excellent idea! It's going to be so amazing having my own house. I have only ever owned a small mobile home that I painted tropical colors inside and made into a tiny sanctuary. This is going to be so wonderful, you are right.

It was so nice soaking in the tub today. I think all the scrubbing I've been doing has added up, and it was so nice not to use my arms and to totally relax today. I think I'll plan for more days like this so I don't burn out on packing. The marsh walk today was so nice. There were little crabs at our bench where we sit in the trees and look out on the marsh and river. They made lots of little clicking sounds, and the cicadas are out, so it really sounded tropical and relaxing. We were going to go see baby alligators today but it got too late, so we'll save that for another day. There's a huge red and black skink in our screen house. K scared him today when she was getting me some things from the garden, and he flopped around in a panic. I hope he mellows out and sees that we don't mean him any harm.

I am getting good at stretching meat out. I made pulled pork with zucchini and mushrooms and had it over rice and lentils, so didn't need much pork. We are considering eating up all the meat and only buying more occasionally, and switching to a more vegetarian diet.

 

[Llama]

Skink are such marvellous creatures! Just fascinating to watch.
Eating less meat would probably be a good thing for most people. Just make sure to keep an eye on your protein: even high-protein plants tend to have more carbs and less protein than meat so you and K may need larger portions than you'd think.

 

[liza3]

I'm so glad you took the day to just relax and enjoy things. You always sound like you have the best outings!
Very cool that K is in a punk band--I used to love punk shows as a teen--it really helped me cope with a lot of my angst stuff.