Out of the abyss; My continuing journey of enlightenment, physically, emotionally mentally.

toodamtall

Active member
That is so great and gives me hope to one day get there. The undercurrent of dread is something I relate to well so it's really nice to hear you in such a positive mind-state. Sounds like you've done a helluva lot of work along the way so I'm glad to hear you've reached a really good place.
It wasn't an easy journey and its not over yet. The biggest thing I had to do was really go back over my life and see what kind of resentments I held onto and how they affected the way I thought and reacted. The next step was looking at all that crap and try to turn it around. If so & so did this to me and I have been angry for years about it, how can I wrap my own head around it and see where that person was at that moment in time. I mean, how can I forgive it, or see what my part was in the situation.
 

toodamtall

Active member
Okay, so leg is feeling healed up. Hit the scale tonight, last weigh in from my contest. I did not hit my goal, but TBH, it was a bit lofty and didn't really expect it to happen. Not if I was doing things from a healthy balanced standpoint anyhow. What I did manage was a progressive, incremental loss of 12lbs over roughly the same number of weeks. Actually came out to around 0.9lbs per week as an average. This is not a bad thing. If I could maintain something like that over several months,, I would pretty much be at my realistic goal before summer of next year.
The biggest thing for me was simply not losing my head. I've had some stress and adversity over the last few weeks, and managed to keep myself from either mindlessly snacking or resorting to alcohol. As a side note: Because of the leg, I haven't been able to go to the gym for the last 2 weeks, so one of my stress outlets was taken away from me.

Yes. I am patting myself on the back. I'm trying to avoid the whole, "pride goeth before a fall" level of ego stroking, but yeah, I think I deserve to at least be kinda happy about it.

Tonight is usually a slow night at work, so I'll try to catch up with a few diaries from all of you good folks. TTFN. (channeling my inner Tigger)
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
Yes. I am patting myself on the back. I'm trying to avoid the whole, "pride goeth before a fall" level of ego stroking, but yeah, I think I deserve to at least be kinda happy about it.
If you're scouring the depths of your memory to find what all to take some responsibility for then I say you get to take some responsibility for the good stuff as well. Glad to hear your leg is feeling normal again - cellulitis is scary.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
I did manage was a progressive, incremental loss of 12lbs over roughly the same number of weeks. Actually came out to around 0.9lbs per week as an average. This is not a bad thing.
No its, not. I think some of my problems have come from losing weight too quickly, a pound a week is probably a really good rate of loss. Keep it up and you'll be fine.
The biggest thing for me was simply not losing my head. I've had some stress and adversity over the last few weeks, and managed to keep myself from either mindlessly snacking or resorting to alcohol.
That's an accomplishment! I have enough trouble with one addition, food, I can't imagine fighting two. I pretty much stopped drinking for about a year when losing weight. Now I let myself have a drink now and then, but I rarely do and never crave it. Wish food felt that way, or even close.
Because of the leg, I haven't been able to go to the gym for the last 2 weeks, so one of my stress outlets was taken away from me.
I understand. I am about to be on 2 weeks of vacation without gym access, it worries me a little. Would you be able to do arm, shoulder or chest things? I do a lot of band exercises for my bad shoulder.
 

Cate

Support crew
I think you can pat yourself on the back. I think most of us forget to be proud of our achievements & focus on our "failures". You are getting stronger all of the time. A pound a week is good & sustainable :)
 

toodamtall

Active member
Attempted to get to the gym today. Drove down the driveway to the parking lot, which was cordoned off by caution tape. Had to drive around the building to leave, since there was no way through the front. All businesses on that side of the plaza were closed today while they were doing some kind of renovating. Oh well, guess I'll wait until Wednesday and hope for the best.

Did manage to get an appointment for my new kitten at the vet for a checkup and initial shots on Thursday. She's a little cuddle bug! Also made an appointment to get a quote on a new furnace. The one in my house is the same one that was installed 45yrs ago when the house was built, so efficiency is not great. Hoping to get that done before winter and take advantage of some State rebates on a more efficient unit.

Also went to the butcher to get 9lbs of pork belly. I'll thaw it and this weekend get it set up with the necessary curing salts and maple sugar. In another week and a half I will smoke it over, probably cherry or apple wood, and make up freezable bags of bacon! Curing and smoking my own bacon is a bit of a process, but once I started doing it, I came to the realization that literally nothing you can buy in a grocery store comes even close to how good homemade bacon comes out. I may try my hand at full length BBQ smoked beef short ribs this weekend too.
 

toodamtall

Active member
Hi Mariane. I'm glad to make your acquaintance here in my diary and you are welcome to join in any time, however... I think you hopped in and started writing about yourself. You should start a new topic in the weight loss diary section here for yourself, so that we can all come visit your thread and be a part of your community.
 

liza

Well-known member
It wasn't an easy journey and its not over yet. The biggest thing I had to do was really go back over my life and see what kind of resentments I held onto and how they affected the way I thought and reacted. The next step was looking at all that crap and try to turn it around. If so & so did this to me and I have been angry for years about it, how can I wrap my own head around it and see where that person was at that moment in time. I mean, how can I forgive it, or see what my part was in the situation.
Is that all a part of the 12 step program? I have never really looked at 12 steps but it always seems so impressive to me in how thorough it seems to be. Not just about cutting out alcohol but in really addressing the roots of addiction.
What I did manage was a progressive, incremental loss of 12lbs over roughly the same number of weeks
That's great--really good to have a nice steady loss like that!
 

toodamtall

Active member
Is that all a part of the 12 step program? I have never really looked at 12 steps but it always seems so impressive to me in how thorough it seems to be. Not just about cutting out alcohol but in really addressing the roots of addiction.
It is. The thing is, it took me a while and a lot of misery to figure it out. And actually, simply reading the book didn't do it. I needed someone who had had at least as much misery as me to explain it, then it made a lot of sense. Honestly, I think a lot of people who suffer from other things could use a little twelve step in their lives, lol.

One of the toughest things for me was figuring out how to let go of stuff that happened TO me, essentially situations where I was the "victim" in a situation that I had absolutely no control over. Trauma, etc. You want to blame, you want to tell yourself that you're over it, it happened years ago, you've moved on. But, you still remember it. Its still in your head, so maybe you haven't moved on as much as you thought you had. Maybe the way your have been coping with it all these years is by not coping with it, or finding a much less healthy way to cope with it.

Finding a way to recognize that, while you may not have had an active role in the event, it, A. Still affects you and B. is a part of who you are now and allowing yourself to accept it definitely helps.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
She's adorable! All cats are royalty, of course, which is why I can't blame them for trying to kill me with their mere presence.
 

toodamtall

Active member
So, I'm in a procrastination rut. When I had my leg infection, I didn't go to the gym for close to 2 weeks. This was as expected, I didn't want to stress my system out. Monday, I drove to the gym to get a workout, but the parking lot was taped off and I coudn't get in. Okay, that was it for the legitimate excuses.. I honestly could have gone yestrday, I used the excuse of a psych appointment later in the day for not going. Legitimately, I could have done a workout and still had time for a shower before my phone call (still distance health right now because of covid). Today, I used the excuse of needed to go to the pet store to pick up supplies for the kitten as a reason for not going. On the surface, I could spin both into legit reasons, but in my heart, I know what I'm doing. I'm putting it off.

Why? I mean, seriously why? I always feel better afterward, it doesn't take all that long...
 

liza

Well-known member
Honestly, I think a lot of people who suffer from other things could use a little twelve step in their lives, lol.
I agree--I have often thought the 12 step program might help me through my anxiety issues. I guess i could try working through them myself but as you mention, I think the community in 12 steps is the big part of recovery. I know for me mental health groups have made a huge difference. Don't think I'd be this far along if I had to do it on my own.
One of the toughest things for me was figuring out how to let go of stuff that happened TO me, essentially situations where I was the "victim" in a situation that I had absolutely no control over.
inding a way to recognize that, while you may not have had an active role in the event, it, A. Still affects you and B. is a part of who you are now and allowing yourself to accept it definitely helps.
That does sound very big. Finding new healthy ways to cope with all the painful emotions in our life is crucial. I've tried many many unhealthy ways...now I'm on the journey to find new healthy ways. It's tough, but in my mind, seemingly the only way.

A huge congrats on the 6 months sober--way to go!

o, I'm in a procrastination rut

Procrastination is tough. I often rely on habit to get me out running. Once I break the rhythm of that habit it can be hard to get back to it again!
 

Cate

Support crew
oh, and officially 6 months sober today.
This is absolutely awesome! Well done, TDT!
 
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