Marsia's Diary

LaMaria

Well-known member
We've been remodeling so long, it isn't too bad when the power goes out. We're kinda used to roughing it.
Sure sounds like it. Seems to me you went from kind of struggling to tough as nails in the past two years.
Having the power out since we're on a well means no water pressure, so I have to go to the holding tank and get water, like they used to lower the bucket into a community well.
Ah ok, so you can at least get fresh water. That's good. Sometimes I think it would be better if every household tap had a pump on it and getting more than a cup of water at a time required a certain amount of pumping, just to remind people of how precious water is...
My cat has taken to plastering herself on my stomach and front while I meditate. I swear she breaks into a smile when she sees me in meditation position and she purrs up a storm while making herself comfy on me.
If a cat purring isn't meditation I don't know what is so that sounds like a nice communal activity!
 

liza

Well-known member
I went to the hardware store and got my kid from a short day at school, and have only done nice things since we got home.
So good to have some proper breaks like that! I'm glad you are taking them.
I love the sound of the cat belly meditation--I'm sure you both benefit from that time :) In 2 of my meditation groups we used to have a couple of dogs come and they just sunk right into the meditation so naturally. It was lovely for all.

I am in just in constant gratitude for washing machines in all the work they save us. It's just one of those inventions that seem really wonderful to me. May yours be up and running soon!
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Sure sounds like it. Seems to me you went from kind of struggling to tough as nails in the past two years.
Wow, that means a lot to hear. Thank you, LaMa!
Sometimes I think it would be better if every household tap had a pump on it and getting more than a cup of water at a time required a certain amount of pumping, just to remind people of how precious water is...
I lived in a tiny town of 300 growing up, and we had this gorgeous arboretum that people from all over the world would visit. It had one of those hand pumps, and the people who ran the arboretum would let me prime the pump and use a bucket to water plants. I loved that place so much!
If a cat purring isn't meditation I don't know what is so that sounds like a nice communal activity!
This made me laugh with happiness! I think we should all do purring meditations, regardless if we can find a cat to do that with!

I love the sound of the cat belly meditation--I'm sure you both benefit from that time :)
Cat belly meditation!!! We definitely do benefit! Sounds really nice meditating with dogs, too!

I am in just in constant gratitude for washing machines in all the work they save us. It's just one of those inventions that seem really wonderful to me. May yours be up and running soon!
Thank you Liza! I love our washer dryer. I often remember our happy washer repairman asking if I put the clothes in nice and fluffy and not packed down too hard. He is this sweet little Japanese guy, and it's sweet hearing him talk about nice and fluffy.

Yesterday was another take it kind of easy day, but I did get my art journals and photos and a few boxes of art supplies packed. It's hard to pack my art journals because I have been making them since high school and they have all these sketches and stories and memories in them - a treasure trove that's so hard not to read and look through! Also the art pads have some of my mom's sketches she did while she was here when we went out sketching together. I am going to love using those art pads and having her sketches in the front! It's also so nice K often went with us and will have these sketches from both my mom and I as memories. I love art so much!!!
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
It's hard to pack my art journals because I have been making them since high school and they have all these sketches and stories and memories in them - a treasure trove that's so hard not to read and look through!
Think how lovely it will be when you arrive in your new house, a couple of years down the line, and get to unpack and enjoy them again!
 

Cate

Support crew
Your art books will be a treasure trove in years to come. It's so lovely that you & K had such closeness & the shared interest in art with your Mum.
New exercises/sports-
zen 🐢 ⛳
🐱 meditation
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Thanks LaMa and Cate! I love the zen turtle golf and cat meditation activities on the checklist! I am not getting as much done as I had hoped, but it's only the first week, and mostly I have been getting myself to feel good physically around the dust. So the next 3 weeks will be a bit intense.

I made lovely stuffed mushrooms last night with vegan mozzarella which actually tastes good once it's been in the broiler. The first apples are ripe on our trees, so I've been enjoying them for dessert and snacks.

J and I had a big misunderstanding, and I am getting better at listening to his side and not getting so upset. That makes me happy. I actually cancelled the rest of my therapy sessions as it's so expensive, and I feel like I am doing better lately.

I've lost 4 pounds from my highest weight, and I know that's usually the easy weight to get off, but I am not even counting calories yet, so that feels good. So today I really concentrate on packing and go get more moving boxes. It's cold outside, and we are not heating the house up yet, so I really need to bundle up in the mornings so I get started earlier. I've been huddling under the quilt on the sofa too long in the mornings. Ok time to go forth and conquer.
 

Cate

Support crew
The next few weeks will be intense, hon. Glad you worked through the misunderstanding with J. This is a very stressful time in your life, so try not to put any extra pressure on yourself. I'll be thinking of you, whether you check in here or not :grouphug:
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Thanks Cate! Today was intense, but in a good way. I plowed through a lot of boxes of stuff that was in storage and got a ton of stuff from my room packed up. It felt really good to channel my anxiety over the move into packing. I think I'm learning to push myself in smarter more zen tortoise-y ways instead of stressful ways. It helped that I am integrating my mom's and my art supplies, which makes me in awe of my treasures. I cleaned all my mom's brushes today and sorted them in with mine. There are all sorts of different kinds, and it made me feel so spoiled how nice my collection is now.

Hi LaMa! We had the rest of the yummy stuffed mushrooms with shirataki noodles with kimchee tonight. I am so happy I found shirataki noodles in my big box store, so they are really affordable. I use Glucomannan powder to thicken sauces, too. It's so nice having fattening seeming food that is high in fiber and low carb.

I'm very full and sleepy now. We are watching a video on a mushroom photographer in Tasmania. He takes glow in the dark mushrooms and time lapse photographs them. K is really into mushrooms now, so we watch documentaries on how mushrooms can save the world and such.
 
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LaMaria

Well-known member
I cleaned all my mom's brushes today and sorted them in with mine. There are all sorts of different kinds, and it made me feel so spoiled how nice my collection is now.
That's wonderful. I inherited my granny's knitting needles when she died snd it makes me so happy to see them in with my crafting stuff.
Also: If I had known it's possible to be a mushroom photographer 25 years ago my life would've been different!
 

liza

Well-known member
HI Marsia,
Just catching up a bit after a few days away from the forum. I really love the sound of your mom's art supplies melding with your own--both the sketch pads and the paintbrushes--what a wonderful way to stay connected.
It felt really good to channel my anxiety over the move into packing. I think I'm learning to push myself in smarter more zen tortoise-y ways instead of stressful ways
That sounds super good as well--all this real life stuff of how to move with the anxiety present in our lives is just such good practice for all of life in general. Anxiety probably will always be there but it's really how we respond to it is what matters.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Thanks for the beautiful turtle and happy wishes, Cate! LaMa and Liza, I love the idea of passing along crafts from generation to generation!
That sounds super good as well--all this real life stuff of how to move with the anxiety present in our lives is just such good practice for all of life in general. Anxiety probably will always be there but it's really how we respond to it is what matters.
I keep wondering if you can just take the energy behind anxiety and morph it into other things. Maybe channeling it into something productive anyways. I like your idea of moving with the anxiety. It's like how they say you can't fight your emotional state because then you are just fighting yourself. Instead you can just accept it and it will leave when it feels heard.

Had a pretty good day. Didn't get as much done as yesterday, but am chugging along. Wanted junk food for dinner, so since I ate a bunch of calories today just had a dinner of corn and peas and then blueberries and yogurt for dessert. Had mostly protein for breakfast, so thought I'd even things out a little. But I feel like a kid who ate all one type of food for each meal.

Here is the lovely video we watched about mushrooms https://youtu.be/KYunPJQWZ1o . Happy evening everyone!
 

Cate

Support crew
they say you can't fight your emotional state because then you are just fighting yourself. Instead you can just accept it and it will leave when it feels heard.
I like this. I was feeling really anxious & uptight this morning & this resonated with me. I went for a walk & shed a few tears along the way & then I got over myself. If having put on weight is my biggest worry then I don't have much to worry about.
That is really brilliant photography, M. I'll have a good look later.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I think I do the feeling of feelings with anger and sadness when it's bad: turn on the most campily appropriate music and really lean into it. Maybe I should try it with more subtle stuff, too.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Hi Cate and LaMa! Anxiety is most of the reason I eat too much, so I really want to figure it out. I do the opposite of you, LaMa, I am good with the little upsets, but the big ones, I just forget to calm myself down and get swept up in stress or fighting my emotions. Glad you have music to soothe you and help you process! Cate, glad that resonated, and sorry that the weight gain is getting you down. I find this maddening, too, that it's so easy to gain back weight and such an uphill battle losing it again. I think I really need to find a substitute for stress eating ASAP!

Yesterday was a good mostly non-packing day. I cut J's hair, made a big batch of granola, made ribs and veggies (which I ate too late in the evening and it made me gain weight) and did loads of dishes. I did get some packing and organizing done, and things are looking good for getting my personal possessions packed up in another week. I had a really good meditation, and we played happy Beatles music on the way to school and sang so that was a nice start to the day. We were expecting to be moved by now, so didn't sign up for bus service, so I am driving long distances to and from school now. J is helping, but traffic is horrible in the morning, so it takes up way too much time. Anyway, the contractor is here this morning, so it should be a nice productive day of packing. He's a very happy positive person, and I just like having him around working - it helps me get motivated!
 

Cate

Support crew
I know that driving will be slowing down your packing, but at least you get more K chatting (& singing) time. Hope you have a very productive & positive day, hon after a good start.
 

liza

Well-known member
I like your idea of moving with the anxiety. It's like how they say you can't fight your emotional state because then you are just fighting yourself. Instead you can just accept it and it will leave when it feels heard.
Yes I like sometimes to think of it as my child self--just listening to all her worries as I walk along. Not shutting her up or dismissing her, but just being there and listening.
I do find walking is certainly helpful and yes excellent when tears can be expressed as you mentioned Cate. Good release!
Anyway, the contractor is here this morning, so it should be a nice productive day of packing. He's a very happy positive person, and I just like having him around working - it helps me get motivated!
That's so great that he's fun to have around and helps you get motivated too!
 

Marsia

Well-known member
I know that driving will be slowing down your packing, but at least you get more K chatting (& singing) time. Hope you have a very productive & positive day, hon after a good start.
That's such a good way to think of it. It is frustrating how much homework she has and how many after school activities so I don't get to see her very much. It's going to be so nice when I am rested and can spend more quality time with her again!

Yes I like sometimes to think of it as my child self--just listening to all her worries as I walk along. Not shutting her up or dismissing her, but just being there and listening.
I do find walking is certainly helpful and yes excellent when tears can be expressed as you mentioned Cate. Good release!
I think I'll try this by myself!

Yesterday was good. I made a nice seafood soup and got a lot sorted and cleared by late evening. I slept in this morning, which felt wonderful. It's another chilly day, so I think I'll start a fire so K can sit by it while she does homework. I feel like I've turned the corner with packing and that I should actually get almost everything out of here in a month. We can borrow a friend's truck and get all the big furniture out when I've cleared it all in about a week, so things are moving along.
 
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