losing eye of the tiger

Hello. Not sure how to explain my problem, and feel that even if I can, feel like I'll mostly get the same reply of "quit being a wuss and do it anyway"

I try to keep active and eat clean. I'm 5'6 and about 145lbs, 31 years old. Typically on a workout day, I'll do 20 minutes of light warmup cardio, like the treadmill, then about 40 minutes of weight training, usually focusing on 2 sets of muscles for that day. Then, if I have some time left over, light cardio up until i have a 1 hour martial arts class or training session. Usually do kickboxing/bag work/plyo or jui jitsu/grappling. So 5 days a week I schedule about 2 hours of working out, usually with a larger emphasis on cardio and body weight exercises rather than heaving 2x my body weight up on the squat rack. Sometimes there will be a wildcard workout on the weekends, depending on if my legs aren't too busted up to run.

Problem is, I feel, is that the image of my body is sort of....."meh" I'm not overweight, but I'm also not super-cut and veined either. Sort of a boring "average" body type, which I harp on quite a bit. Perhaps of biggest concern, is that little things....once in a while....lead to a train wreck of my motivation and schedule. Can be simple things, got lots of social anxiety so maybe having to talk to somebody, or even worse, finding out somebody is critical of me, can result in a massive "to HELL with it" reaction. That's where I'm at now. Haven't been to the gym in 5 days, and today I ate a burrito i bought at a gas station. AT A GAS STATION. It is really feast of famine in black and white terms, and it's usually just a penny on the tracks that causes the massive derailment of my motivation. I don't know if I'm able to work enough in my "good" weeks to offset the damage the "evil" me does when he absolutely stops caring. Frankly I don't even know how to make a question out of this, but I'm sick and tired of going from running 4 miles uphill in a gas mask to sitting in my apartment at a turned off tv while convincing myself that it simply does not matter and I should stop trying.