Wow, LaMa, the Faust poem is exactly what I was reacting to so hard (plus its so beautiful!). In psychology this is called part selves. One younger, less mature part of me will use a tired old coping mechanism that has been used too much and has just become an unhelpful defense mechanism. Another part just wants to transcend all the conflict within myself. The reason I am trying to meditate almost every day is so that I train myself to not run away from hard feelings. I'd like to really learn compassionate acceptance. I went to a therapist once who had me remember in great detail the most traumatic memory I ever had over and over and over so it would loose it's emotional impact, and it made me so anxious I couldn't do it anymore. I like Buddhism better because it asks you to look at what is actually happening for you, but with loving kindness and gentle acceptance. In some types of psychology they have you in touch with an older, more nurturing part of yourself who is higher functioning. Then they have that part of you be emotionally supportive of the part of yourself that is not being high functioning and is trying to get her needs met in a way that usually is more painful than what this part is avoiding feeling. I know all this, and yet, I have so much trouble implementing it by myself. So I really am in search of a gentle way to steer myself more into acceptance and self support. It's a little frustrating watching you in the same holding pattern that I am in, but at least we have each other to empathize with!!
Balance is weird because too much balance is blah, and too little is chaos. So there is balance, and then there is spontaneously trying things that don't always work out. I think I need more spontaneity in my life at the moment.
Anyway, I am so happy you and Rob are no-binge buddies! (And that you don't smell like a rotting starfish.) Hope you have a lovely outing!!