Ah, of course you were gone for a while and I was probably doing better back then. Now I get it. Yes, I meant that I often use binging to numb uncomfortable feelings. And yes binging sometimes feels like going to war with myself. Y'know, like in Faust:
Zwei Seelen wohnen, ach! in meiner Brust,
Die eine will sich von der andern trennen;
Die eine hält, in derber Liebeslust,
Sich an die Welt mit klammernden Organen;
Die andre hebt gewaltsam sich vom Dust
Zu den Gefilden hoher Ahnen.
I am definitely still actively trying to feel my feelings and work on them though. It's just hard.