Llama

Half past nine and I´m sitting on the couch. I have a decent amount of energy and feel like I should be doing things because it´s Monday and things need doing but at the same time I want to sit and waste time because I didn´t have a real weekend and I´m scared I´ll crash later if I don´t do nothing now. To make it worse I´m kind of scared about my upcoming fast so I just want to sit and stuff my face. Which is not how this story goes. I don´t need to go grocery shopping because I´m fasting and have everything else prepped. I don´t feel like cleaning, even though that would be the sensible thing to do. Ok, I´ll put on some music, remake my bed (the laundry machine is running, good Llama), and do some cleaning. UP!
 
Work was very busy and I'm exhausted. Doing ok mentally, though I have real trouble focusing. Had a headache when I got home but I added some salt to my last water bottle of the day and that seems to have helped. Fingers crossed I'll fall asleep quickly.
 
I hope you did fall asleep quickly, LaMa & get a chance to have a bit of a break somewhere during the week to make up for your lack of a proper weekend xo
 
Wow that class sounds interesting, but sort of extreme in some ways. I usually fast after having prepared for about a week, so that's amazing you just jumped right into it! Do you like the breathing exercises? I tried them a little and liked them, I remember, but didn't really feel the urge to add the cold shower part. I think swimming in the cold winter ocean is more my speed. Do you feel better after the breathing and cold, can you tell yet?

It's good hearing how much more emphasis you have on taking care of yourself now!
 
Cate said:
I hope you did fall asleep quickly, LaMa & get a chance to have a bit of a break somewhere during the week to make up for your lack of a proper weekend xo
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Thanks, Cate, I think I'll be fine :grouphug: I fell asleep just fine after a warm bath but I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep for an hour.
Marsia said:
I think swimming in the cold winter ocean is more my speed. Do you feel better after the breathing and cold, can you tell yet?
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My body loves cold water and always has so it's a great thing to get back to. I'd definitely be jumping into the ocean if I didn't live in a land-locked country!
Today was the first time I didn't count along with the no-breathing part of the exercise and it was so much more relaxing. I almost fell back asleep again! It's definitely interesting. I don't think I'll keep up the fasting just because it makes it harder to get enough nutrients in but I'll probably revisit the idea in a year or so.
 
Wow, cool you found breathing exercises that relax you! I may get brave and try swimming in the coldest ocean of the year. I'll let you know how it goes if I do.
 
If you do please make sure to go in somewhere flat so you can get out easily even if your feet are numb and make sure you bring someone else for safety.
Officially the worst thing about fasting for me is not being able to concentrate on anything properly because my attention keeps straying to not eating. And the constant feeling of stress. Also right now the giant knot in my upper thoracic spine which has been there for almost a day and probably started because I was stressed out about the whole thing. Oh well: this too shall pass.
 
Fiiinally! For real: I could deal with the hunger pangs but the time creeping by like a snail in a turtle shell is murder. Now I just have to make it home.
 
My stomach is full again and life is much nicer this way. A shame I was too hungry to really enjoy the sushi I got. Now I just want a nap.
 
To absolutely nobody´s surprise I binged this afternoon. Why? Let us count the reasons:
- I let myself get too hungry.
- I didn´t sleep well.
- I was super tense for about 30 hours straight.
- I felt like I had something to reward myself for (not procrastinating an unpleasant assignment).
- I felt like I´d "earned" the extra calories (even though of course I ate more back than I fasted off).

Something that made me laugh:
 
It never has with me, either, but I thought I'd give it another go since I'm so much more healthy now than I was when I last experimented with it. Dude clearly attaches some moral judgment to whether or not people find fasting beneficial, which annoys me but not enough to get negged into doing stuff that harms me. I don't call him inferior for hating cold showers 🤭
 
Went for a short, slow run this morning (before my cold shower, in the rain!) and was completely painfree for 2.5 km. Walked the other 500 m and am hopeful I can build back to 5k pretty quickly. Brought some stuff to the charity shop, did a quick produce run, and got some more food prep done.

Just heard that an activist I vaguely followed was outed on social media for cheating on his wife with prostitutes (his wife did not want this to be public knowledge, which I think is an important piece of information because she is the main wronged party here) and I'm trying to figure out what I think of the whole situation.
 
Just wanna say: life is so much better with a full belly. I can think clearly, focus, and time actually passes!
 
I still can't get over how much faster my shift went by today. It was a late one, too, and those usually go slower. Pretty tired but I prepped my breakfast and planned my lunch so all I have to do is brush my teeth and fall into bed
 
Excellent to hear of your pain-free run, LaMa. Well done on planning your food for tomorrow. You sound relaxed & content & I hope you sleep tight xo
 
So glad you are not falling for your teacher's judgementalness. I think it's sad when people I admire (like the activist you loosely followed) fall from grace. But also it reminds me we all can have big areas where we need to grow and learn, so it helps me remember to give myself a break.

Great you got right back on track. I can't imagine fasting in the cold of winter. I do much better with that in warm weather where I can distract myself with lots of sunshine and exercise. It made me laugh about "this too shall pass"... wait, no it's not passing, time's stuck! It reminds me of those horrible clocks in public school where when it's 2 minutes to the dismissal bell the clock hands suddenly shift backwards! Noooo!

Thanks for the reminders about the cold ocean. I think K and I will swim together after school when it gets a little warmer out.
 
Marsia said:
I think it's sad when people I admire (like the activist you loosely followed) fall from grace. But also it reminds me we all can have big areas where we need to grow and learn, so it helps me remember to give myself a break.
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If he'd "just" cheated on his wife I don't even think I would've cared. But calling it a mistake and blaming ONLY the way he was raised (in a high-control religious organization) means he isn't taking responsibility. Putting sugar on your breakfast egg instead of salt is a mistake. Or hiring the wrong person for a job. Cheating on someone you've led to believe you're in a monogamous relationship with is an act of shittiness. In the same way blaming your messed-up upbringing for interpersonal issues is fine when you're 20 but not when you're 40 and have been out for a long time. I could see it that way if it happened once and it shocked him into awareness that he needs (more) therapy STAT but not if it's a thing that happened over a dozen times. And if you can't admit that your decisions played a part in the shitty thing that happened you're never going to change. #noheroes
Marsia said:
It made me laugh about "this too shall pass"... wait, no it's not passing, time's stuck! It reminds me of those horrible clocks in public school where when it's 2 minutes to the dismissal bell the clock hands suddenly shift backwards! Noooo!
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Cruel, isn't it? :rotflmao: Although in primary school we didn't have a buzzer to signify the end of school but rather a large brass bell with a wooden handle and the kids in the upper two grades got to take turns tolling it. (Is that how you would say it? Ringing seems like the wrong word for a bell that weighed at least 2 kg.) Any birthday boys/girls always got to be the one to sound the bell. I really enjoyed being allowed to be loud on occasion!
 
A thing I came across. Fitting, given this weekend´s course:
 
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