Llama

Llama

Well-known member
The boots & jacket look lovely!
Thank you Cate and Floater.
Currently lying on the couch like a dying seastar, trying to decide to go hiking. I know I'll feel better for it afterward, but... decisions are hard. Plus I'm not sure what length and intensity would be helpful while still leaving enough time to decompress. I need to go out. I went out yesterday and it made me feel good in the moment but I came back too tired to do anything even though I had plenty of time and the day ended up feeling wasted. Balance is hard...
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Zwei Seelen wohnen, ach! in meiner Brust,
Die eine will sich von der andern trennen;
Die eine hält, in derber Liebeslust,
Sich an die Welt mit klammernden Organen;
Die andre hebt gewaltsam sich vom Dust
Zu den Gefilden hoher Ahnen.
Had to go to Google translate:
Two souls live, alas! in my chest
One wants to separate from the other;
The one holds, in coarse love-lust,
To the world with clinging organs;
The other lifts herself violently from the dust
To the realms of high ancestors.


I like the two souls thing, we probably all have some of that.

food is not a distraction but more of a muffler
When we were kids we would put a potato into the school bus's exhaust pipe, don't think it worked well as a muffler...

Hey can you join me in trying not to binge the rest of today?
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Currently lying on the couch like a dying seastar
Not a great image for me, when I lived in Florida we would see lots of dying starfish on the beach, at low tides after a storm. When I was a kid we would try rescue, putting them into deeper water, it never worked.

They did not smell very good, and I don't recall ever seeing one on a couch. Now get up and hike!
 

Llama

Well-known member
:rotflmao: Ok: I promise I don´t SMELL like a rotting starfish. But I will join you in not binging today. I just made myself a bowl of fruit and protein fruit yogurt, topped with some cacao nibs, instead of going out for icecream, chocolate, and cookies.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Wow, LaMa, the Faust poem is exactly what I was reacting to so hard (plus its so beautiful!). In psychology this is called part selves. One younger, less mature part of me will use a tired old coping mechanism that has been used too much and has just become an unhelpful defense mechanism. Another part just wants to transcend all the conflict within myself. The reason I am trying to meditate almost every day is so that I train myself to not run away from hard feelings. I'd like to really learn compassionate acceptance. I went to a therapist once who had me remember in great detail the most traumatic memory I ever had over and over and over so it would loose it's emotional impact, and it made me so anxious I couldn't do it anymore. I like Buddhism better because it asks you to look at what is actually happening for you, but with loving kindness and gentle acceptance. In some types of psychology they have you in touch with an older, more nurturing part of yourself who is higher functioning. Then they have that part of you be emotionally supportive of the part of yourself that is not being high functioning and is trying to get her needs met in a way that usually is more painful than what this part is avoiding feeling. I know all this, and yet, I have so much trouble implementing it by myself. So I really am in search of a gentle way to steer myself more into acceptance and self support. It's a little frustrating watching you in the same holding pattern that I am in, but at least we have each other to empathize with!!

Balance is weird because too much balance is blah, and too little is chaos. So there is balance, and then there is spontaneously trying things that don't always work out. I think I need more spontaneity in my life at the moment.

Anyway, I am so happy you and Rob are no-binge buddies! (And that you don't smell like a rotting starfish.) Hope you have a lovely outing!!
 

Llama

Well-known member
Thank you, Marsia. I always appreciate your elaborate explanations. I have trouble getting into relaxation/meditation exercises right now unless I'm leading them for patients. Probably because I have general trouble with staying focused. I think it'd be helpful to try it again, but... it's hard to stay motivated. I could put it on my list of possible points, starting with an extremely short amount of time to make it less daunting. 2 minutes? 2 minutes.
In some types of psychology they have you in touch with an older, more nurturing part of yourself who is higher functioning. Then they have that part of you be emotionally supportive of the part of yourself that is not being high functioning and is trying to get her needs met in a way that usually is more painful than what this part is avoiding feeling.
That's a thing I do sometimes. Can be very soothing.
It's a little frustrating watching you in the same holding pattern that I am in, but at least we have each other to empathize with!!
:grouphug: I think there are many of us, and I'm very grateful that we have this place to share things.

5 points today, so far. Could make it 6 if I can convince myself to do 2 minutes of breathing exercises before bed. Gih 7, msh 6.5, airways 6.5, mood 7. Sat wayyy too much but feel a lot better. Didn't binge. Cooked a delicious lentil/eggplant/mushroom stew and put one portion in the oven in a casserole dish, topped with puff pastry. So nice!
 

Cate

Long-term member.
I seem to be in that holding position, but at least you are within cooee of your happy weight, LaMa. You did well yesterday by the sound of it 👏
 

Llama

Well-known member
Thanks Cate :grouphug: I'll have to lose at least 7 kg to feel good about my weight again but as long as I don't let things slide I'll get there. Didn't hike yesterday but I am happy about my food choices.
Hardly moving at all meant that anxiety reared its head by bedtime but it went away an hour or so no nothing lost except some sleep.
Got those 2 minutes of breathing in but even that short amount of time is hard to focus on for now. Will try again tonight.

80.2 kg and 35% fat this morning.
 
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Marsia

Well-known member
Hi LaMa, I'm glad you don't mind when I can't figure out how to edit my responses down. I get inspired by how honest you are with yourself about what you are doing diet-wise, and it makes me question what I am not looking at in myself. I really appreciate your straight forwardness and scientific mind, and I think I got frustrated because you are in a helping profession and have trouble helping yourself sometimes, like how I was trained in psychology, yet I let myself get into bad ruts food-wise. I like how in many self help circles that actually work (like 12 steps) acceptance and awareness of what exactly we are doing to ourselves is the first step. I feel really motivated lately to just start re-programming myself to see bad diet choices as choices that may shorten my lifespan. I usually only think about the short term of what I am doing, and I think I want to start looking at this as tiny steps to choosing health consistently.

Anyway, I agree with Cate, you are in a good position to reach your happy place soon-ish. I like the idea of 2 minutes of breathing exercises. Hope it helps!!
 

Llama

Well-known member
I think I got frustrated because you are in a helping profession and have trouble helping yourself sometimes, like how I was trained in psychology, yet I let myself get into bad ruts food-wise.
Isn´t it always like that? Medice, cura te ipsum! We don´t have to get perfect though, we just have to keep working on ourselves.

6 point day, gih 5.5, msh 6, airways 6.5, mood 7. Cramping started and I had a bit of an allergic reaction to some plums I ate (have been eating plums somewhat regularly without reacting for the past few weeks but this was a new batch - maybe it´s another variety) but my energy was a lot better than last week.
 

Llama

Well-known member
I just got stung by a wasp for the first time in my life. Poor thing must've been looking for a safe place to spend the winter (or realistically to die since she was a worker), landed on my shirt while I wasn't looking, and been startled by my arm. She left her stinger, which is unusual for wasps. Took her over two hours to die, too.
 

Llama

Well-known member
Had a pretty decent day all in all. 6 points, gih 6, msh 7, airways 7, mood 7.5. Made omi houriya for tomorrow´s lunch. Came out really nice. Had chicken salad for lunch and sichuan chicken&rice for dinner. Lots of fruit.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
We don´t have to get perfect though, we just have to keep working on ourselves.
Yes, thanks for the reminder! I looked up omi houriya, and it looks wonderful. I'll have to remember it if I get a good carrot crop in the garden. I sat on a wasp once and the sting swelled up to the size of an orange or more. I had been sketching roses in a park, and deliriously walked back to the nurse's office singing and giggling because the allergic reaction made me giddy.
 

Cate

Long-term member.
Had a pretty decent day all in all. 6 points, gih 6, msh 7, airways 7, mood 7.5. Made omi houriya for tomorrow´s lunch. Came out really nice. Had chicken salad for lunch and sichuan chicken&rice for dinner. Lots of fruit.
That all sounds good, LaMa :)
 

liza

Well-known member
Hi LaMa,
While I haven't been posting I have been coming round to read your diary over the last couple of days. I really love the rain coat and boots. I just love having nice gear to keep me warm and dry against the elements.
You sound like you're continuing to do a good job of choosing healthy choices even when there are temptations to do otherwise--good for you.
I just got stung by a wasp for the first time in my life. Poor thing must've been looking for a safe place to spend the winter (or realistically to die since she was a worker), landed on my shirt while I wasn't looking, and been startled by my arm. She left her stinger, which is unusual for wasps. Took her over two hours to die, too.
I love your compassion/sympathy for the wasp. It's funny I hadn't ever been stung in my whole life and then in my 30's i was stung 3 times in one year!
 

Llama

Well-known member
I had been sketching roses in a park, and deliriously walked back to the nurse's office singing and giggling because the allergic reaction made me giddy.
That´s so funny but also kind of scary. Did your allergic reactions get worse after that? I hardly reacted at all, thankfully, but I guess that´s normal for a first sting.
That all sounds good, LaMa :)
Thanks Cate, it was pretty good for a heavy-flow Tuesday.
I really love the rain coat and boots. I just love having nice gear to keep me warm and dry against the elements.
"Bad" weather is definitely a lot more fun when it can´t really get at you :p
It's funny I hadn't ever been stung in my whole life and then in my 30's i was stung 3 times in one year!
Random rare things occurring in a cluster are called Poisson clusters, or Poisson bursts. I´d prefer not to get on for stings!

Remembered to do 2 minutes of breathing before bed so that makes yesterday a 7-pointer. I like that.
 

Llama

Well-known member
6 points, gih 7.5, msh 6.5, airways 7, mood 7. Started work earlier and my omi houriya/airfried pinto bean/baby spinach wraps were delicious.
 

Trusylver

Sport and Exercise Coach
Staff member
My husband is allergic to wasps and blows up like a beach ball, thankfully it is not one of my allergies. No compassion for them in this house.
 
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