Liza's diary

LaMaria

Well-known member
Sometimes posting is just too much. I'm glad to hear the anxiety is going down again :grouphug:
Not the best choices but maybe better than my old crutches of cigarettes and alcohol..
I didn't know you used to drink and smoke! Doesn't seem like the mental image I have of you at all :)
I have gotten more serious about my CBT work again. But will I stick to it? That's the problem is when it starts to subside, I stop doing the work
Sounds familiar...
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Glad you are feeling better enough to write. It's always good to hear how you are doing, and your replies to everyone are always so thoughtful. I'm very frustrated that I am not moved out yet because I really want to do a CBT book with my friend who has social anxiety and depression, plus it would help me to share what I learn here that's relevant to weight loss. I think I may just start the book despite being a bit behind on my moving schedule. I need something really positive like that about now! The Catholic prayer beads sound lovely. I sometimes do a gratitude practice which is sort of my version of prayer. It helps a lot. I am like you where even if something like that is helping, I forget to do it. I need to write myself a cheat sheet of things I can do when feeling blah or anxious.

Anyway, glad you are liking gf so far. And so good you are getting out on long walks! (My long walks are not epic like LaMa's either!)
 

Cate

Support crew
I didn't know you used to drink and smoke! Doesn't seem like the mental image I have of you at all :)
It's funny how we do have these mental images of one another & I must admit that surprised me too.
I hope you get your energy back soon, Liza. Have you been getting any runs in? I really miss my walks! :grouphug:
 

liza

Well-known member
Gratitude is a wonderful thing.
yes so good to remember all the great things in one's life--i've got plenty to be grateful for :)
I didn't know you used to drink and smoke! Doesn't seem like the mental image I have of you at all :)
lol yeah even people who know me in real life always have a hard time putting that picture together. Even when I was a smoker, people didn't think it seemed right. I've always been a sort of natural type, but I really liked cigarettes. Even before I started smoking I liked to just be around the scent of it.
I was never a super heavy drinker really but definitely used both cigarettes and alcohol as a sort of self-medication. It was probably quitting those that finally made me take up pharmaceutical medication. I still have a drink here and there but hardly any now.
I am like you where even if something like that is helping, I forget to do it. I need to write myself a cheat sheet of things I can do when feeling blah or anxious.
yes i wish i could get into a daily habit of CBT stuff even when feeling a little better. Would love to get a lot better than I am now--I am often jsut kind of keeping my head above water when it comes to coping with anxiety.
Have you been getting any runs in? I really miss my walks!
i finally just went running today first time in about a week! Felt so good. One of those days when it was all cold and drizzly and didn't look inviting, but once i get running and warmed up, those days are actually best for running. Way better than getting so hot like in the summer!

Been doing pretty good with keeping up with the CBT work and that is really what is top on my list still. But keeping the other things going--eating pretty good, getting out on my walks and today a run. Making sure to visit with people both in real life and in virtual life.
 
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Cate

Support crew
Been doing pretty good with keeping up with the CBT work and that is really what is top on my list still. But keeping the other things going--eating pretty good, getting out on my walks and today a run. Making sure to visit with people both in real life and in virtual life.
It's good to hear that, Liza & so glad you went for a run. I went for a walk :)
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I've always been a sort of natural type, but I really liked cigarettes. Even before I started smoking I liked to just be around the scent of it.
Tobacco IS a very natural thing...
i finally just went running today first time in about a week! Felt so good. One of those days when it was all cold and drizzly and didn't look inviting, but once i get running and warmed up, those days are actually best for running. Way better than getting so hot like in the summer!
Definitely better. Great to hear you got a run in.
Making sure to visit with people both in real life and in virtual life.
I'm always happy to see you visit and I'm sure the folks irl are even more so.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
That's funny about the smoking. I am very anti-smoking because I am so allergic to it, but had a 2 week period of my life where I moved back home to a very rural working class place, and I smoked during that period. People said it didn't fit me, and I just dropped it after the two weeks because I knew how addictive it can be. I have no idea how I could do something I am normally so allergic to!

I am really inspired that you are working through your CBT book and also getting runs in again! I can't wait to copy you, but for now will fit in reading my CBT book when I can. I second LaMa about having you visit us here!
 

liza

Well-known member
It's good to hear that, Liza & so glad you went for a run. I went for a walk :)
So good to hear Cate!
I'm always happy to see you visit and I'm sure the folks irl are even more so.
aw thanks LaMa:grouphug:
I am very anti-smoking because I am so allergic to it,
haha yes! Good to not smoke if you're allergic to it for sure!
I mean, good in general to not smoke but all the more so when allergic!

I still miss it sometimes. Still know that I could go back to it, but try not to. It's been about 16 years since my last cigarette!

So the last few days have been going pretty good. I got out that super bulky jacket for very rainy/cold running days. I did take it in and that worked well! I was pretty pleased with what a neat job I did of it and how it looks and feels a lot less like I am running in a tent. It was so nice to run in very wet and cold weather and still feel super comfortable.

I have been half considering trying again to build up to a half marathon. I think it would be nice to do it now it's not so hot, but it does still feel sort of out of reach. I think I could do it if I could find a less hilly route but that's very hard to find around here. I like the hills if I'm running shorter distances but it does tire me out so for a half-marathon it would be nice to have an easier route. Anyhow we'll see...

Food-wise things are going ok. Oatmeal is my new go to breakfast. Either that or omelette with rice. Still no changes noted for gluten-free but it is easy enough to do so will give it at least 6 weeks before considering adding wheat back in.

Continuing on with CBT and having my up and down days with the anxiety but overall it's been feeling manageable again. So it's nice to get through that rough patch...

Will make it around to all the diaries in the next couple of days.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I got out that super bulky jacket for very rainy/cold running days. I did take it in and that worked well! I was pretty pleased with what a neat job I did of it and how it looks and feels a lot less like I am running in a tent. It was so nice to run in very wet and cold weather and still feel super comfortable.
Awesome! Good gear makes such a difference.
I think I could do it if I could find a less hilly route but that's very hard to find around here. I like the hills if I'm running shorter distances but it does tire me out so for a half-marathon it would be nice to have an easier route. Anyhow we'll see...
Hilly runs would be more strenuous anyway, right? Could you up the intensity on your hilly runs and then drive to a flatter route once every 2-3 weeks just to work on distance?
Continuing on with CBT and having my up and down days with the anxiety but overall it's been feeling manageable again.
That´s great to hear!
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Hey Liza, I also have a hard time picturing you as a smoker or even much of a drinker. As others say our images of folks here probably varies a lot from reality. I used to eat a lot of oatmeal, first breakfast choice for a long time. Guess I just got tired of it and moved on, but I do still order it when eating breakfast out.
I have been half considering trying again to build up to a half marathon.
Very impressive that you could even consider it. I am no runner. I did run a little many many years ago, but doubt my knees would like the idea now.
 

Marsia

Well-known member
Hi Liza, great that taking in your jacket came out so well! Are there 10K races and things in your area to sign up for, or is that too easy for you at this point? Are there specific things you are doing in CBT that really help for anxiety?
 

liza

Well-known member
Hilly runs would be more strenuous anyway, right? Could you up the intensity on your hilly runs and then drive to a flatter route once every 2-3 weeks just to work on distance?
Yes for sure--hilly runs are more strenuous (I think so anyways). I know they are good for training and see that hills are specificallly included as part of most distance training. I have to laugh when I am following a running schedule and then they mention doing some hill training because all of my runs include hills! I don't have a car so can't drive somehwere flatter, but even if I could I can't really think of anywhere around here that is flat--it's hills everywhere. What I could do is just double back on my flat stretches--a little boring but could give me more distance without wearing myself out on the hills...
Are there 10K races and things in your area to sign up for, or is that too easy for you at this point?
I do run 10 km fairly regularly. I'm not interested in signing up for races though. Even for the half-marthon I only want to work up to that distance--not run in a race or anything. I don't like the idea of running with people. I love my running time to be alone. I guess the half-marathon distance is only an interesting goal to see if I could achieve it.
Are there specific things you are doing in CBT that really help for anxiety?
For me it's a lot of making myself do the things that make me anxious, rather than avoiding them--I guess that's the behavioural part. But working on the cognitive side to help me to get there is doing things like Thought Records or other things to help me tune in more to my logical side rather than caving in to the cognitive distortions like catastrophizing and threat exaggeration and stuff like that.
I did run a little many many years ago, but doubt my knees would like the idea now.
yes running can be so hard on the knees. I am hoping I won't do them too much damage. I want to be able to walk comfortably well into old age so trying to be kind to them!

Had some more trouble with anxiety yesterday which made eating well tough. Really need to make a good hearty lentil stew or something. Relying a lot on cheese and rice cakes with sauerkraut. For some reason that goes down easily when I am anxious, and it's not the worst meal nutrition-wise, but really really need to get way more veggies in me. I wonder if I could make it my goal to make a lentil stew today before anything else...

Beautiful scene at my place today--Chopin playing, birds coming for the sunflower seeds, rain pouring down...does seem like a good day to make a lentil stew.

I do also need to get shopping today or tomorrow as well. Preferable today...
 

Cate

Support crew
Beautiful scene at my place today--Chopin playing, birds coming for the sunflower seeds, rain pouring down...does seem like a good day to make a lentil stew.
That does sound really lovely. Hope you got to make that stew :)
 

liza

Well-known member
Thanks Cate and LaMa. I love this time of year. Really is so nice watching all the birds come round for the seeds :)
Well never made the lentil stew. But I did manage to make a black bean chili with rice. So that was nice.
And I managed to get the shopping done.
So not too bad. Fell behind with laundry so did some strengthening while I got a load done this morning and then did a shorter run. Would be good if I would include way more strengthening routines into my day like that!

Was further contemplating the whole body image discussion in LaMa's thread while on my run today. Thinking about how I keep wanting to achieve this nice flat gut and wondering why that is. The only time I ever came close to that beyond my teens was when I was having such a bad time with anxiety and I could hardly eat and I lost way too much weight.
Could/should I come to accept having a gut as part of a healthy me?...I don't know, but I am wondering why this idea hangs around me as some sort of ideal.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
Does your waist measurement fit into the healthy range? If it does I'd say getting used to it wouldn't be bad.
 

Cate

Support crew
I'm going to change how I want to be as I don't want to be thin again. I don't admire thinness in people. I do want to be healthy though. I imagine you as healthily slim & fit. Liza :)
 

Marsia

Well-known member
That does sound like a lovely day with the birds and beautiful music! I think it's great re-evaluating what is really important as far as body image/health especially because a healthy diet will be so much easier to stick to with motivation from what would really make you feel healthy and happy, instead of what you think you should do to look healthy.
 
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liza

Well-known member
Does your waist measurement fit into the healthy range? If it does I'd say getting used to it wouldn't be bad.
yes waist is in healthy range and good waist to hip ratio. i don't know why my Body Fat calculations always come out high though.
I do want to be healthy though. I imagine you as healthily slim & fit. Liza :)
Oh nice that you imagine me like that! I wouldn't describe myself as slim but fairly healthy I think. I really like the increase in strength and endurance with the running. First time in my life I've ever managed that sort of thing so that's pretty good! I don't think i have a slim body type really--always a belly, strong stocky legs...but maybe that's ok!

feel healthy and happy, instead of what you think you should do to look healthy.
yes feeling healthy rather than looking healthy! A good and important difference!

I've been doing mostly ok this past week. Sort of started on a running schedule to build up to half-marathon. I'm trying not to put pressure on myself about it though--neither about speed of running (i am fairly slow with all the hills) or about getting to the distance before I am comfortable. i like to keep the running as a joy. So challenging myself is also joyful but need to keep it at a balance to not overdo it.
Gluten-free continues with ease. Not finding any health benefits physical or mental, but will keep on for another few weeks at least before considering a re-intorduction.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
yes waist is in healthy range and good waist to hip ratio. i don't know why my Body Fat calculations always come out high though.
I don't think i have a slim body type really--always a belly, strong stocky legs...but maybe that's ok!
Sounds like you're a pear shape. That allows for a relatively high percentage of body fat without influencing the other measurements too much.
 
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