Yeah. I have some anxiety / PTSD issues with this house and sometimes doing simple things can be anything but. Getting up in the attic while it was raining this summer to try to find the source of the leak was absolutely paralyzing. I guess I will get more into that at some point. In the present, I find myself on high alert as the temps drop and I try to see what I can do about the cold getting in. This morning I taped up 2 windows further in the dining room, added tape to both bedroom windows, and moved stacked boxes in the front part of the basement to allow better air circulation near the water main and front window. The taping seems to have reduced a draft from the bedroom to the den, which was quite pronounced. But now the wind is calm, the sun is out, and it is warming up outside so no more diagnostics can be done.Great to hear you made some tangible progress on the insulation front! For me the positive reinforcement of getting things done really helps with staying active. Getting started though...so hard.
I delve into detail in this because it is becoming clear that this house continues to take up unacceptable amounts of bandwidth in my life. I have been looking for something already updated but wasn't willing to make certain tradeoffs on location, main floor bedroom etc. I don't really want to move into a condo, though there are clear benefits - at least not yet. But maybe it would end up being for the best. It just feels like I am giving up on something I care about (having my own home/yard) before I am ready to do it. But this house needs a massive overhaul - I mean EVERYTHING - and I don't want to spend 3 more years of my life trying just to get to a point where I can live without constant concerns and issues. Let a developer buy it and gut it; the value is in the land anyway. I just need to find a place to live where I can feel at peace.
Getting clarity and focus on what I want is key to moving forward whatever this life has in store. I am spending too much time and energy on things which do not serve me. House, food, relationship... gee Fiera, what are you doing with yourself? There are reasons that I am stuck. Most of them are fear related. I used to live fearlessly and I know what confidence feels like. This is not about just being older. But it also isn't just a mental game either, I do feel like there are biological components like hormones and brain chemicals. In any case, I would like to get back to living again. As Marsia said, I want to get back to being a human being again!